Kinda weird topic I know. And after I finish what I'm going to say, I can guess what you'll say. Just because I remember the most peculiar random things a lot doesn't mean I'm living in the past. Actually I'm living in the present right now. And I'm not going to worry about tomorrow because Jesus says this: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:23-27
So what's up with Ions and kiwi-strawberry Propel? Whenever I see an Ion, which is a type of car, or drink kiwi-strawberry Propel, which is flavored water in case you didn't know, memories start coming back to me.
About a month ago while driving home from my aunt's house, I saw a black Ion. This is gonna sound corny, but Ions hold a special place in my heart. Every Sunday to church, my old youth pastors used to drive their black Ion. I got to ride in it a few times. In the black Ion, you could easily get locked into the back seat, with how the doors worked and everything. I have some great memories from the backseat. One time, one of our youth pastor's shirts were in the back of the other youth pastor's car. By the way, these two youth pastors are a guy and a girl and now are happily married. At least I think it's happily. Haha, well anyways back to the story. Being the teenagers, my friend David and I are, we made a joke about it. Or at least I had to tell David about why it was funny. The saying goes kids in the backseat cause accidents; accidents in the backseat cause kids. That was definitely a fun, awkward ride home. It still makes me laugh thinking about it. After my youth pastors moved, I kept seeing Ions and even lately, I don't know why, but I have seen a ton. Like today for instance, when I was leaving the bank. I don't know what's up with that. I don't do this anymore, but whenever I used to see an Ion, I would get a sudden hope, hoping that in that car, were my youth pastors. Now occasionally when I see an Ion, it brings back memories.
There's something about kiwi-strawberry Propel water that I just love. I don't think it's the flavor or even the color of the bottle being pink, my favorite color. Like I said before, this flavor Propel brings back old memories of my old youth pastors. This particular flavor of Propel was the first flavor I ever had of Propel and this first experience with it was at the 30 Hour Famine, our first one. That was the one where my best friend and I went to bed early and in the morning, the boys were making a ruckus and decided to wake up the other girls with some of David's noisy balloons. The one where one of our youth pastors passed out while we were at Flint Eastside Mission. The one where that same youth pastor fooled us into thinking someone pulled the fire alarm, at least for a little bit. Yeah, fun times. Like Ions, kiwi-strawberry Propel also holds a special place in my heart.
A few weeks ago at youth group, our leader told us that if we didn't have someone we could trust to talk to about things that we don't want to talk to our parents about, that we should find someone. I was way ahead of that statement. I actually have three people I talk to about that kinda stuff. The initials of these three go LMB. You probably don't think that's as weird as I do. I'll explain in a second.
My three people are Lindsay, Matt, and Bethany. I actually didn't mean to put them in that order, but it just so happens, that's kinda what happened. I didn't realize until I actually thought about the order of the initials that, that is actually the full initials of one of those people. It's Lindsay's initials. Now you have to understand also, that Lindsay is not just a friend of mine, but she used to be one of my youth pastors. She was one of the ones I'm talking about with the Ions and Propel. I told her about it and she thought it was kinda weird too. She said maybe she's just meant to be in my life. Perhaps, you never know.
That's just as weird as how every couple of youth pastors' names we've had at my church. We had Beth and Andy, Chuck and Dana, Matt and Lindsay. Do you see a pattern? I thought it was weird too when I first realized it last year.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
What's so good about prayer?
For some unknown reason, on August 14, 2008, I craved church really bad. I just really wanted to go right then. It could have been that I hadn't received an online devotion from the church all week. Maybe I just longed for the old days. I actually didn't know if Sunday would be a let down, but Sundays so much had been real spiritual let downs for me. All I really knew was that I craved church at that moment.
My friend Bethany felt the same way even though she's at her church practically 24/7. She told me that while I craved physical church, she was craving God. I didn't quite understand because she seems to be into God's Word and everything about God more so than I am. but she disagreed. She said she doesn't read it as often as I thought she did basically. She said something about me that I had been thinking about at the same time, but I wasn't looking at it very positively. She mentioned that my prayer life is more developed than hers. She said that she's more capable of praying for a ministry rather than for an individual person. I guess it could be that she can't do that very well because showing mercy isn't one of her spiritual gifts. I can't help it. I can pray for people, but I can't pray for things like the youth ministry. Bethany gave me a more positive outlook on my prayer life. When she first brought up my prayer life, I just shrugged to myself and thought that it's nothing special. I do it because I care about the welfare of others. I really don't like to brag about my prayer life. I've mentioned it at youth group a couple of times before, but that's because it went with the conversation. The reaction out of some adults to the teens about it is, "Hey you guys, Chelsea is praying for you. That's really nice of her." It's like the adults are telling the others in youth group that they should thank me. I really don't think I need to be thanked.. It will all pay off in the end, won't it? Plus, I just do it. I pray for others. No one forces me to; I just do it.
I guess prayer is my way of really connecting with God. That's actually how most people connect too. Sometimes it seems like all I do is talk and even when I write down the names my mind still drifts away from time to time. Should I just shut up and listen sometimes?
So what's so good about prayer anyways?
Did you know that prayer is a way of meditating? I find that praying really calms me down. That's what meditation is supposed to do; calm you down. By giving God your worries and doubts and fears, you are taking the stress out of your body. Ok, so it's a stress reliever.
Sometimes during the middle of a really stressful morning music rehearsal on Sundays, I want to just stop and ask if we can pray. I haven't yet because I'm afraid of rejection and afraid that I'll be asked to pray for the group. I'm not good at praying out loud. What I mean by this is that I don't like praying in groups or even with one other person. I feel kinda stupid with what I pray sometimes. I pray better on my own. I can say it out loud and not be afraid of what others will think of what I'm praying. I've just had bad experiences with praying out loud I guess. I think praying before we start music rehearsal might help us. A few times, we've had to be reminded that it's not the congregation we're playing for, but for God. So why do they argue? Good question, I'll let you know some other time if I figure it out.
And you know God does answer your prayers. He may not reveal himself right away, but he will come through. God answers prayers, so pray until something happens. And even after it happens, keep praying and praising God. If God is love and love never fails, then God never fails.
Out of 7 promises you can count on, I have 3 of them. Not because I wasn't listening to my youth pastor or because I wasn't there that week. Well it's more like the second reason. I was only there for a week. Why? I was on vacation visiting my friends, my old youth pastors. The three I have are:
What does being stranded have to do with praying? A lot actually. After praying for some time, you might begin to wonder if God can really hear you. You might start doubting God. You might feel abandoned. You might feel like God has left you. But God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5b
God will never leave you. And if you believe that God will not leave you stranded, you can have:
What this means for your life:
Some things I pray about every night are:
Do I keep praying? Yes. Why? What's the point? I have faith in God and know that He's working on something. When I'm down to nothing, He is surely up to something.
A couple months ago, I got confirmation that my prayers are being answered. I've been praying for my cousin to come back to Christ. It depresses me to see her in the state she's in and it worries me. I wrote a blog on Facebook about worry and tagged my cousin in it. Then I didn't want her to read it, which was a mistake. I get easily embarrassed and didn't want her to read it in front of me, which is what she almost did. Mistake there. So I wrote another blog about not being ashamed and let her read that one. She knows God is there and will take her back when she's ready to come back, but she doesn't think it's right for her just yet.
I have faith that my brother will find Christ someday. I have faith that the church will eventually get a new youth pastor. I have faith in the love story God has written for me and I'm just waiting to listen to the masterpiece that it is. I have faith that God will show me the way that He wants me to live.
So keep praying because God listens and will answer your prayers.
My friend Bethany felt the same way even though she's at her church practically 24/7. She told me that while I craved physical church, she was craving God. I didn't quite understand because she seems to be into God's Word and everything about God more so than I am. but she disagreed. She said she doesn't read it as often as I thought she did basically. She said something about me that I had been thinking about at the same time, but I wasn't looking at it very positively. She mentioned that my prayer life is more developed than hers. She said that she's more capable of praying for a ministry rather than for an individual person. I guess it could be that she can't do that very well because showing mercy isn't one of her spiritual gifts. I can't help it. I can pray for people, but I can't pray for things like the youth ministry. Bethany gave me a more positive outlook on my prayer life. When she first brought up my prayer life, I just shrugged to myself and thought that it's nothing special. I do it because I care about the welfare of others. I really don't like to brag about my prayer life. I've mentioned it at youth group a couple of times before, but that's because it went with the conversation. The reaction out of some adults to the teens about it is, "Hey you guys, Chelsea is praying for you. That's really nice of her." It's like the adults are telling the others in youth group that they should thank me. I really don't think I need to be thanked.. It will all pay off in the end, won't it? Plus, I just do it. I pray for others. No one forces me to; I just do it.
I guess prayer is my way of really connecting with God. That's actually how most people connect too. Sometimes it seems like all I do is talk and even when I write down the names my mind still drifts away from time to time. Should I just shut up and listen sometimes?
So what's so good about prayer anyways?
Did you know that prayer is a way of meditating? I find that praying really calms me down. That's what meditation is supposed to do; calm you down. By giving God your worries and doubts and fears, you are taking the stress out of your body. Ok, so it's a stress reliever.
Sometimes during the middle of a really stressful morning music rehearsal on Sundays, I want to just stop and ask if we can pray. I haven't yet because I'm afraid of rejection and afraid that I'll be asked to pray for the group. I'm not good at praying out loud. What I mean by this is that I don't like praying in groups or even with one other person. I feel kinda stupid with what I pray sometimes. I pray better on my own. I can say it out loud and not be afraid of what others will think of what I'm praying. I've just had bad experiences with praying out loud I guess. I think praying before we start music rehearsal might help us. A few times, we've had to be reminded that it's not the congregation we're playing for, but for God. So why do they argue? Good question, I'll let you know some other time if I figure it out.
And you know God does answer your prayers. He may not reveal himself right away, but he will come through. God answers prayers, so pray until something happens. And even after it happens, keep praying and praising God. If God is love and love never fails, then God never fails.
Out of 7 promises you can count on, I have 3 of them. Not because I wasn't listening to my youth pastor or because I wasn't there that week. Well it's more like the second reason. I was only there for a week. Why? I was on vacation visiting my friends, my old youth pastors. The three I have are:
- It's impossible for God to lie
- It's impossible for God to reject you
- It's impossible for God to leave you stranded
What does being stranded have to do with praying? A lot actually. After praying for some time, you might begin to wonder if God can really hear you. You might start doubting God. You might feel abandoned. You might feel like God has left you. But God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5b
God will never leave you. And if you believe that God will not leave you stranded, you can have:
- Comfort because God is with you
- Confidence because God loves you
- Trust in God's direction, because He is consistent
- Hope, because God is at work within you
What this means for your life:
- Stop looking to other things for comfort, and focus on God
- Take advantage of the boldness that you have in Christ
- Take risks
- Celebrate the process that God is working
Some things I pray about every night are:
- My brother and my cousin coming to Christ
- A new youth pastor for my church
- My future husband
- God's plan for my life, what I'm supposed to do
Do I keep praying? Yes. Why? What's the point? I have faith in God and know that He's working on something. When I'm down to nothing, He is surely up to something.
A couple months ago, I got confirmation that my prayers are being answered. I've been praying for my cousin to come back to Christ. It depresses me to see her in the state she's in and it worries me. I wrote a blog on Facebook about worry and tagged my cousin in it. Then I didn't want her to read it, which was a mistake. I get easily embarrassed and didn't want her to read it in front of me, which is what she almost did. Mistake there. So I wrote another blog about not being ashamed and let her read that one. She knows God is there and will take her back when she's ready to come back, but she doesn't think it's right for her just yet.
I have faith that my brother will find Christ someday. I have faith that the church will eventually get a new youth pastor. I have faith in the love story God has written for me and I'm just waiting to listen to the masterpiece that it is. I have faith that God will show me the way that He wants me to live.
So keep praying because God listens and will answer your prayers.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wrong side of the Tracks
You know how some people say that they're from the wrong side of the tracks? I'm not from there, but I know people who are from there. And I'm not afraid to hang out with them.
I don't exactly remember what we were talking about in Sunday school, but I know it had something to do with noticing people we normally don't see. I've said this time and time again that I'm different. I don't hang out with the people my youth group hangs out with all the time. I hang out with those who come from mostly the wrong side of the tracks. There's this one girl in my English class, who comes from the wrong side of the tracks, but she was in my girl scout troop and she's one of my friends, so usually I choose to be partners with her because she gets me unlike most other people.
It's kinda strange how the people in my youth group have known me longer, but the friends I have at school actually understand me.
In a way, I did set myself up for this and there's no way of backing out now. I can't just drop these friends. We're a bunch of misfits and I'm ok with that.
In English we're reading The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer. Chaucer supposedly knows all about people. Maybe he did about people back then, but today is different. I'm kinda strange. I know when people are hurting. I know when to listen. I know when to not totally freak out. I just know how to deal with these people. I just get certain vibes from people when they need to be comforted even if they don't say anything.
In a way, I'm kinda like Jesus. He didn't hang out with the rich, popular people. He hung out with the prostitutes and people like some of my friends who come from the wrong side of the tracks.
At the end of the year last year, I received a note from my English teacher commenting on a video I made for her class giving a tour of my room. She said this: Your room is full of color, creativity and joy. I love your passion for life! You really do "walk the talk" -by that I mean your spiritual life emanates through you and how you relate to others. You are such a talented young lady and have so much going for you.
That's the jist of the note.
My Sunday school teacher wants us to try to notice the people who are really hurting inside this week that we've never noticed before. That shouldn't be too hard for me. I see these people everyday. I'm just trying to live my life like Jesus, following His footsteps.
I don't exactly remember what we were talking about in Sunday school, but I know it had something to do with noticing people we normally don't see. I've said this time and time again that I'm different. I don't hang out with the people my youth group hangs out with all the time. I hang out with those who come from mostly the wrong side of the tracks. There's this one girl in my English class, who comes from the wrong side of the tracks, but she was in my girl scout troop and she's one of my friends, so usually I choose to be partners with her because she gets me unlike most other people.
It's kinda strange how the people in my youth group have known me longer, but the friends I have at school actually understand me.
In a way, I did set myself up for this and there's no way of backing out now. I can't just drop these friends. We're a bunch of misfits and I'm ok with that.
In English we're reading The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer. Chaucer supposedly knows all about people. Maybe he did about people back then, but today is different. I'm kinda strange. I know when people are hurting. I know when to listen. I know when to not totally freak out. I just know how to deal with these people. I just get certain vibes from people when they need to be comforted even if they don't say anything.
In a way, I'm kinda like Jesus. He didn't hang out with the rich, popular people. He hung out with the prostitutes and people like some of my friends who come from the wrong side of the tracks.
At the end of the year last year, I received a note from my English teacher commenting on a video I made for her class giving a tour of my room. She said this: Your room is full of color, creativity and joy. I love your passion for life! You really do "walk the talk" -by that I mean your spiritual life emanates through you and how you relate to others. You are such a talented young lady and have so much going for you.
That's the jist of the note.
My Sunday school teacher wants us to try to notice the people who are really hurting inside this week that we've never noticed before. That shouldn't be too hard for me. I see these people everyday. I'm just trying to live my life like Jesus, following His footsteps.
Where'd I go?
I've been pondering my existence today for some reason or another. It's not really my existence, but me in general. I was morely thinking of all the people who have helped me change. I'm sure, you can't exactly tell this, but I've changed in the last year. I'm not who I was at this time last year. I'm something different. Just ask my pastor, youth pastors, some of my friends, or my aunt. When I was saved a couple of years ago, everything changed, but I felt the same. This year is just different. It's almost like I've gotten saved again. I'm now thinking that maybe I wasn't ready or didn't understand when I first got saved. While pondering upon this, I realized that I'm the only one of my friends right now that I can tell anyways, who has changed over the last year. I've matured through certain issues that I've gone through, and it has made me a stronger person. I'm not like them anymore. I listen in Sunday school and to the sermons. I'm sure they are listening, but I'm not sure that they take much out of it. It used to be a fact that half of what you learned on Sunday was forgotten on Monday, but I remember what my youth pastor talked about to some extent last Wednesday. I remember last sunday's sermon too. I guess what I want to know is when will my friends change too and be like me. Have you changed this year?
I wrote the above blog on December 16, 2006. Today I have some questions. Where did that Chelsea go? I miss her. Did she leave along with the youth pastors? What happened? I'm still different from my friends, but I don't feel that radical anymore. When will my friends change too and be like me? My answer to my own question is probably never. They just aren't anything like me.
Probably my favorite part of that blog post was the comment one of my youth pastors left me. It is such a confidence booster. It says: I'm so proud of you-you are one person that I know has finally gotten it and it only took a year of knowing you. You have a wonderful heart that really cares and wants more than anything to cut through the crap-the spiritual act that we do on Sundays-and really meet God on a personal level every day of your life. You are very special to us and we are so thankful to have had the opportunity to know you.
Even today, what he said back then means so much to me. I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to know both of them. I'm extremely thankful that they're still in my life still helping me grow up.
What really gets me the most every time I read it is "You have a wonderful heart that really cares and wants more than anything to cut through the crap-the spiritual act that we do on Sundays-and really meet God on a personal level every day of your life." Ok, so I know that's basically the whole statement, but still it means so much to me.
Back then I know he was talking about me wanting and truly desiring more than anything to listen to his lessons, but they hardly ever got throughly explained because the youth group was always talking.
The same is true today. I want to cut through the crap I'm going through with youth group right now. Where is my relationship going? I think even though fellowship is good, that it is time to take my faith into my own hands. I need God more than anything. I really need and want to meet God on a personal level every day. Currently youth group isn't helping that. And especially now that all we ever do is argue.
I wrote the above blog on December 16, 2006. Today I have some questions. Where did that Chelsea go? I miss her. Did she leave along with the youth pastors? What happened? I'm still different from my friends, but I don't feel that radical anymore. When will my friends change too and be like me? My answer to my own question is probably never. They just aren't anything like me.
Probably my favorite part of that blog post was the comment one of my youth pastors left me. It is such a confidence booster. It says: I'm so proud of you-you are one person that I know has finally gotten it and it only took a year of knowing you. You have a wonderful heart that really cares and wants more than anything to cut through the crap-the spiritual act that we do on Sundays-and really meet God on a personal level every day of your life. You are very special to us and we are so thankful to have had the opportunity to know you.
Even today, what he said back then means so much to me. I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to know both of them. I'm extremely thankful that they're still in my life still helping me grow up.
What really gets me the most every time I read it is "You have a wonderful heart that really cares and wants more than anything to cut through the crap-the spiritual act that we do on Sundays-and really meet God on a personal level every day of your life." Ok, so I know that's basically the whole statement, but still it means so much to me.
Back then I know he was talking about me wanting and truly desiring more than anything to listen to his lessons, but they hardly ever got throughly explained because the youth group was always talking.
The same is true today. I want to cut through the crap I'm going through with youth group right now. Where is my relationship going? I think even though fellowship is good, that it is time to take my faith into my own hands. I need God more than anything. I really need and want to meet God on a personal level every day. Currently youth group isn't helping that. And especially now that all we ever do is argue.
Welcome to the Real World
Is it trust that has me feeling like they don't care? That's the question I had to ask both of my old youth pastors.
One said it might be that. The other asked if I trust them. I trust most of them. He said they're on a whole different wavelength when it comes to spiritual things and being a real person. What does that mean? He said it means that I'm dealing with the issues of life in a real, authentic way and many of the youth group aren't doing that and so they aren't going to be ssensitive towards me, which might come off as them not caring.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing? It's a good thing. Real people deal with real issues, and many of the youth group are so used to being in "church world" that they have no clue about real life.
Another question I asked both of them was this: I feel like the things I say in Sunday school don't make a difference; I want to make a difference, I want to make them think; is it that the things I say really don't matter no matter how much they apply to the lesson?
The first one said that it's not that my opinion doesn't matter; it's that a lot of the girls in the youth group don't want to think deep about stuff; they're ok with riding on their parents' faith. Meanwhile I'm making it my own.
The second one thinks that they're at different places intellectually and spiritually than I am. In other words, they probably have difficulty relating to what I'm talking about. That makes sense. Actually both answers make a lot of sense.
Most of the kids are only going to church because their parents make them go. They are riding on their parents' faith. What choice do I have? Whose faith besides my own can I ride on? My parents don't go to this church. The only other person's faith I could ride on is my aunt's. I'm happy with the choice I've made to make my faith my own because it means I'm really starting to live in the real world.
I once wrote this on a blog of mine: This idea of what my youth pastor was also talking to us about came to me last night when I was about to go to bed. It's almost as if we have two different minds. Part of our minds is all about God and our relationship, but the other part is reality, where sometimes you wonder if God really exists. We watched part of the Matrix last night and I haven't seen that movie, but for those that have, we watched the scene where the one guy is given a choice. He can either take the blue pill and wake up to everything just being a dream; or he can take the red pill and stay in la-la land where he will find out everything. It's kinda what God wants to do. I also thought that it's like the tree in the garden of Eden. that tree that Adam and Eve were forbidden to eat from because if they did they would have knowledge of good and bad, which they did and were punished for it. Shame on them, but humans aren't perfect. So back to the subject, what if we allowed God to spill into the reality part of our brains? We would probably have a much better relationship with God.
I'm not stuck in "church world," I'm in the real, and not only that I'm with God. I let my two parts mesh together and now I've got reality and God together.
One said it might be that. The other asked if I trust them. I trust most of them. He said they're on a whole different wavelength when it comes to spiritual things and being a real person. What does that mean? He said it means that I'm dealing with the issues of life in a real, authentic way and many of the youth group aren't doing that and so they aren't going to be ssensitive towards me, which might come off as them not caring.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing? It's a good thing. Real people deal with real issues, and many of the youth group are so used to being in "church world" that they have no clue about real life.
Another question I asked both of them was this: I feel like the things I say in Sunday school don't make a difference; I want to make a difference, I want to make them think; is it that the things I say really don't matter no matter how much they apply to the lesson?
The first one said that it's not that my opinion doesn't matter; it's that a lot of the girls in the youth group don't want to think deep about stuff; they're ok with riding on their parents' faith. Meanwhile I'm making it my own.
The second one thinks that they're at different places intellectually and spiritually than I am. In other words, they probably have difficulty relating to what I'm talking about. That makes sense. Actually both answers make a lot of sense.
Most of the kids are only going to church because their parents make them go. They are riding on their parents' faith. What choice do I have? Whose faith besides my own can I ride on? My parents don't go to this church. The only other person's faith I could ride on is my aunt's. I'm happy with the choice I've made to make my faith my own because it means I'm really starting to live in the real world.
I once wrote this on a blog of mine: This idea of what my youth pastor was also talking to us about came to me last night when I was about to go to bed. It's almost as if we have two different minds. Part of our minds is all about God and our relationship, but the other part is reality, where sometimes you wonder if God really exists. We watched part of the Matrix last night and I haven't seen that movie, but for those that have, we watched the scene where the one guy is given a choice. He can either take the blue pill and wake up to everything just being a dream; or he can take the red pill and stay in la-la land where he will find out everything. It's kinda what God wants to do. I also thought that it's like the tree in the garden of Eden. that tree that Adam and Eve were forbidden to eat from because if they did they would have knowledge of good and bad, which they did and were punished for it. Shame on them, but humans aren't perfect. So back to the subject, what if we allowed God to spill into the reality part of our brains? We would probably have a much better relationship with God.
I'm not stuck in "church world," I'm in the real, and not only that I'm with God. I let my two parts mesh together and now I've got reality and God together.
Together
Growing, serving, reaching together as followers of Jesus Christ.
This is the mission statement at my church that the church board recently came up with. The past few weeks, my pastor has been preaching on this statement. He didn't talk about growing, serving, or reaching individually today. Instead he talked about doing all three of these things together.
Last week, we did a reading called Christian Unity. This morning during music practice, one of the pastor's daughters who does the weekly bulletin realized that the same reading was still there. The pastor said it was probably meant to be there. I hadn't thought about it much last week when we read it, but this week while reading it, I got to thinking. Here's what got me thinking:
"I appeal to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that all of you agree with one another
so that there may be no divisions among you
And that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought
Be completely humble and gentle;
Be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit
through the bond of peace."
Lately, or in the last several months, I've noticed how much the youth group seems to be lacking unity. My friend Rebecca was talking to me before practice this morning; she was warning me that two of the pastor's kids kept arguing about things. What's new? That's my question. Every weekend, it's the same thing. There are a ton of arguments during rehearsal. It's ridiculous.
After church, my friend David wanted to talk to the youth group about his Eagle Scout project. Once everyone started arguing with each other, I backed away and wanted nothing to do with it.
Then during choir practice, I got so angry with one of the pastor's daughters Hannah, that I almost just walked out. She wanted to know where her dad was going to stand. It really wasn't her place to ask I guess and it wasn't like it was a big deal anyways. I told her that it didn't matter at the moment since her dad wasn't in the room, but she said argued back that she wanted to know. I almost said out loud that it wasn't her place to ask and in fact, I did say it under my breath. She heard it and wanted to know what I said, but I decided to just shut up right then. It's not worth arguing with her.
I have a little brother who is 15 years old, so I do know what sibling rivalry is and I have participated in arguments. Most of which, were pointlessly stupid. The sermon today was called God's Unique Calling to Our Congregation-TOGETHER. This congregation is a family. Families have arguments; families have problems; families bother each other; families apologize to each other. We're supposed to be together as one family.
I have two families: my biological family and my church family. I totally understand when you don't want to hang out with your biological family because of silly arguments and what not. After spending a terrific afternoon with my friends, I'm usually a really crabby person at home. I'm easily irritated by my parents and my brother. Arguments usually occur right here.
Arguments are ok in the family sometimes because that's totally normal. Now take the church family for example, there are many adults, teens, kids, and babies. In my views, I see the teens as a group of brothers and sisters in Christ. At least that's what I would like to see. I see a mess right now. Brothers and sisters argue, I know, like I've said before, but all I seem to hear is arguing and I can't stand it anymore. It's not healthy for this group to be arguing about stupid things that aren't important so much.
I want us to be the ones who others will point to and know we're Christians. I want us to love each other. Didn't Jesus tell us to love our neighbor as ourself?
This is the mission statement at my church that the church board recently came up with. The past few weeks, my pastor has been preaching on this statement. He didn't talk about growing, serving, or reaching individually today. Instead he talked about doing all three of these things together.
Last week, we did a reading called Christian Unity. This morning during music practice, one of the pastor's daughters who does the weekly bulletin realized that the same reading was still there. The pastor said it was probably meant to be there. I hadn't thought about it much last week when we read it, but this week while reading it, I got to thinking. Here's what got me thinking:
"I appeal to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that all of you agree with one another
so that there may be no divisions among you
And that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought
Be completely humble and gentle;
Be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit
through the bond of peace."
Lately, or in the last several months, I've noticed how much the youth group seems to be lacking unity. My friend Rebecca was talking to me before practice this morning; she was warning me that two of the pastor's kids kept arguing about things. What's new? That's my question. Every weekend, it's the same thing. There are a ton of arguments during rehearsal. It's ridiculous.
After church, my friend David wanted to talk to the youth group about his Eagle Scout project. Once everyone started arguing with each other, I backed away and wanted nothing to do with it.
Then during choir practice, I got so angry with one of the pastor's daughters Hannah, that I almost just walked out. She wanted to know where her dad was going to stand. It really wasn't her place to ask I guess and it wasn't like it was a big deal anyways. I told her that it didn't matter at the moment since her dad wasn't in the room, but she said argued back that she wanted to know. I almost said out loud that it wasn't her place to ask and in fact, I did say it under my breath. She heard it and wanted to know what I said, but I decided to just shut up right then. It's not worth arguing with her.
I have a little brother who is 15 years old, so I do know what sibling rivalry is and I have participated in arguments. Most of which, were pointlessly stupid. The sermon today was called God's Unique Calling to Our Congregation-TOGETHER. This congregation is a family. Families have arguments; families have problems; families bother each other; families apologize to each other. We're supposed to be together as one family.
I have two families: my biological family and my church family. I totally understand when you don't want to hang out with your biological family because of silly arguments and what not. After spending a terrific afternoon with my friends, I'm usually a really crabby person at home. I'm easily irritated by my parents and my brother. Arguments usually occur right here.
Arguments are ok in the family sometimes because that's totally normal. Now take the church family for example, there are many adults, teens, kids, and babies. In my views, I see the teens as a group of brothers and sisters in Christ. At least that's what I would like to see. I see a mess right now. Brothers and sisters argue, I know, like I've said before, but all I seem to hear is arguing and I can't stand it anymore. It's not healthy for this group to be arguing about stupid things that aren't important so much.
I want us to be the ones who others will point to and know we're Christians. I want us to love each other. Didn't Jesus tell us to love our neighbor as ourself?
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Pastors
I have an idea. Actually, I can't take credit for this idea since it was at first, my pastor's idea. The Sunday before Vacation Bible School, during his sermon, my pastor mentioned something about Vacation Bible School that really caught my attention. He was talking about who we could invite. Who knows, maybe we could change the life of some kid who was invited. Maybe they will become pastor of a church someday all thanks to VBS and the prayers we prayed. Now why did this part of the sermon catch my attention? I was born and raised Catholic yet every Sunday, I sit in a Nazarene Church. How did I get to where I am today? When I was 9 years old, my aunt convinced me to go to Vacation Bible School at her church. I went and guess what? I had a blast and haven't left since. What if I'm one of those kids? What if I"m gonna become a pastor someday? After that, all I could think about was how I was one of those kids that was really impacted by Vacation Bible School 8 years ago.
I've been writing in journals for as long as I can remember. I have gone through phases where I just wrote how I was feeling, what I was doing, and saying Dear Diary before each entry. This one time, I wrote that I had learned about God and Jesus and that I wanted to learn more about the Lord. That was the day after VBS ended I believe.
I'm a senior this year. Scary, I know. And thanks to my old youth pastors, I'm lost in a world of careers. I'm no longer wanting to go into veterinary medicine. My sincere thanks truly does go to them because they opened my eyes. What am I gonna do with the rest of my life? I have no idea. I will go where God leads me. I just wish I could hear His voice more clearly because I'm so confused at the moment. I think I was born confused. Honestly, I don't know what to do about colleges and stuff at the moment. It all really scares me. My aunt used to always ask to make sure I didn't want to become a pastor. These days it's more like she's being my parent. She's as career picking driven as my own mother. Trust me I don't need two moms right now. She says journalism; my mom says therapist; she says teacher; my mom says nurse or maybe a lawyer. Lay off of me already. As my dad puts it: I have his genes and his family always changes from one career to the next. He doesn't stress out on me as much as they do.
I'm growing up in a very preachy environment. I'm a pastor's piano student, pastor's niece, and almost a priest's kid (Episcopal Church). Not to mention I have two youth pastor friends and two other friends going to school to become pastors. Now that I really think about it, that's a lot. Is this really what I was meant to do or am I just using it because it's there? Is it all I think about because it's all I see? These are some of the questions I have to ponder.
Of all the people I've told about the whole pastor idea, my dad is probably the most understanding. He only warns that I will be setting myself up for a life of not a whole lot of money. Money can't buy happiness is my thought though. Everyone else I've talked to just shrugs it off or tell me that it has to be a call from God. I keep looking for signs, but I can't do that all my life. I don't know what the voice of God sounds like. I can't tell if God is saying it or if I'm just talking to myself. My friend who doesn't go to church that often says I'll know the call when I get it. I'm just so lost right now.
Awhile back I took a spiritual gifts test. My three strongest were showing mercy, exhortation, and pastor/shepherding. After I took it, I told my pastor about it and he said it could be a sign, but my old youth pastor doubted it was a sign.
On August 1 of this year, we got a box in the mail from ATF; the Battlecry people basically. It was addressed to Youth Director at my address. That's really weird. I had nothing to do with it I promise. I even checked my Battlecry to make sure I wasn't listed as youth leader and I wasn't. I also asked my dad about it and he had nothing to do with it either. So I was wondering if that was a sign or something.
I have got to stop looking for signs. Looking for a yes or no answer just isn't gonna cut it. Honestly, how dense can I be? I'm like the disciples in John 4:1-38. I'm like the woman at the well. I'm not really sure if the ATF box is really a sign just as she wasn't really sure she met the Messiah.
When you can't tell God's voice from your own, you know you have problems. I have problems with that and that is the reason I ask for signs. Sometimes it's good to ask for signs, but I certainly don't want to always be testing God. While I'm not physically deaf, I sometimes wonder if I'm spiritually hard at hearing because I don't hear things as well as others say they do. Perhaps it's more about opportunities.
If it is God's will for our "youth leader" person to be a youth pastor, then God will keep giving him opportunities. Same goes for the rest of us. And I have total faith that if God doesn't wan this, then He'll pull me out of it. I'm willing to serve God any way I can and if it's through ministry, then I will do it, but that doesn't come without doubts. Darn Satan. What if I'm not good enough? What if everyone hates me? What if I really screw up? Satan needs to get out and go away.
Though if God doesn't want me in this, then why can't I stop thinking about it? In times like these, I really don't like free will. Maybe it's just on my mind because of all that I go through. But what about me caring so much? And it's practically my life.
Simon Birch is a movie about a boy who has a stunted growth and some other problems. The story is told by his best friend, who as an adult is doomed to always remember Simon who was the reason he believes in God. Simon believed God had something big planned for his life. Bigger than him. Even bigger than his church.
I love this movie. I'm constantly feeling how Simon felt. I feel as if God has big plans for me too. Even bigger than what I currently have. I just don't know what they are yet.
I've been writing in journals for as long as I can remember. I have gone through phases where I just wrote how I was feeling, what I was doing, and saying Dear Diary before each entry. This one time, I wrote that I had learned about God and Jesus and that I wanted to learn more about the Lord. That was the day after VBS ended I believe.
I'm a senior this year. Scary, I know. And thanks to my old youth pastors, I'm lost in a world of careers. I'm no longer wanting to go into veterinary medicine. My sincere thanks truly does go to them because they opened my eyes. What am I gonna do with the rest of my life? I have no idea. I will go where God leads me. I just wish I could hear His voice more clearly because I'm so confused at the moment. I think I was born confused. Honestly, I don't know what to do about colleges and stuff at the moment. It all really scares me. My aunt used to always ask to make sure I didn't want to become a pastor. These days it's more like she's being my parent. She's as career picking driven as my own mother. Trust me I don't need two moms right now. She says journalism; my mom says therapist; she says teacher; my mom says nurse or maybe a lawyer. Lay off of me already. As my dad puts it: I have his genes and his family always changes from one career to the next. He doesn't stress out on me as much as they do.
I'm growing up in a very preachy environment. I'm a pastor's piano student, pastor's niece, and almost a priest's kid (Episcopal Church). Not to mention I have two youth pastor friends and two other friends going to school to become pastors. Now that I really think about it, that's a lot. Is this really what I was meant to do or am I just using it because it's there? Is it all I think about because it's all I see? These are some of the questions I have to ponder.
Of all the people I've told about the whole pastor idea, my dad is probably the most understanding. He only warns that I will be setting myself up for a life of not a whole lot of money. Money can't buy happiness is my thought though. Everyone else I've talked to just shrugs it off or tell me that it has to be a call from God. I keep looking for signs, but I can't do that all my life. I don't know what the voice of God sounds like. I can't tell if God is saying it or if I'm just talking to myself. My friend who doesn't go to church that often says I'll know the call when I get it. I'm just so lost right now.
Awhile back I took a spiritual gifts test. My three strongest were showing mercy, exhortation, and pastor/shepherding. After I took it, I told my pastor about it and he said it could be a sign, but my old youth pastor doubted it was a sign.
On August 1 of this year, we got a box in the mail from ATF; the Battlecry people basically. It was addressed to Youth Director at my address. That's really weird. I had nothing to do with it I promise. I even checked my Battlecry to make sure I wasn't listed as youth leader and I wasn't. I also asked my dad about it and he had nothing to do with it either. So I was wondering if that was a sign or something.
I have got to stop looking for signs. Looking for a yes or no answer just isn't gonna cut it. Honestly, how dense can I be? I'm like the disciples in John 4:1-38. I'm like the woman at the well. I'm not really sure if the ATF box is really a sign just as she wasn't really sure she met the Messiah.
When you can't tell God's voice from your own, you know you have problems. I have problems with that and that is the reason I ask for signs. Sometimes it's good to ask for signs, but I certainly don't want to always be testing God. While I'm not physically deaf, I sometimes wonder if I'm spiritually hard at hearing because I don't hear things as well as others say they do. Perhaps it's more about opportunities.
If it is God's will for our "youth leader" person to be a youth pastor, then God will keep giving him opportunities. Same goes for the rest of us. And I have total faith that if God doesn't wan this, then He'll pull me out of it. I'm willing to serve God any way I can and if it's through ministry, then I will do it, but that doesn't come without doubts. Darn Satan. What if I'm not good enough? What if everyone hates me? What if I really screw up? Satan needs to get out and go away.
Though if God doesn't want me in this, then why can't I stop thinking about it? In times like these, I really don't like free will. Maybe it's just on my mind because of all that I go through. But what about me caring so much? And it's practically my life.
Simon Birch is a movie about a boy who has a stunted growth and some other problems. The story is told by his best friend, who as an adult is doomed to always remember Simon who was the reason he believes in God. Simon believed God had something big planned for his life. Bigger than him. Even bigger than his church.
I love this movie. I'm constantly feeling how Simon felt. I feel as if God has big plans for me too. Even bigger than what I currently have. I just don't know what they are yet.
Hide-n-Seek
"Let's play Hide-n-seek. You go hide and we'll come and find you."
"Ok."
He hid and we knew exactly where he was yet we didn't even look for him. All we did was walk along talking and ignoring him every time he jumped out at us. We only played the game with him because we felt bad that he was homeschooled and had no other friends around. He was neighbor.
About a month ago, I was looking through some of my old stuff while cleaning my computer desk. I found this story among my English folder from 8th grade. I wrote this story for an English project in the 8th grade. It's a true story.
A month ago, I realized how mean and cruel I used to be. I was going through some old blogs on Xanga and realized how mean and unhappy I was in 9th grade. Most of my anger was targeted at two of my friends who were dating at the time.
I feel so bad about what happened in both situations nowadays. When I read the English paper, it made me sad. How could I do this to him? I used to play with him, but when friends came over, I ignored him. Was our friendship so fake back then?
Today I have a real friendship with this boy. The story was called "The Annoying Neighbor." He's no longer my neighbor or really annoying.
I remember a few years ago when his family started coming to my church. I wasn't too happy about the idea of it. It actually made me angry with myself because I thought after he moved I wouldn't see much of him.
I now love that he is in my youth group. I find it funny, yet really irritating that everyone in youth group act like I acted playing hide-n-seek. They all think he's annoying. I guess it could be that I lived across the street from him for nearly 10 years. then again, we have grown up so much in the last couple of years. I think everyone else needs to grow up too.
My old youth pastor and I were talking about this story. She said he's a really sweet guy, which he is. He's one of the nicest guys I know and he's very selfless. Like me, he has some really great ideas for the youth group. I really wish the youth group would take him seriously and listen to him. Problem is, he wants to belong like all of us, so he lets everyone walk all over him.
I think him being home-schooled is partially to blame. He doesn't hang out with us at school, so youth group is really the only time he hangs out with us. He's trying so hard to fit in that he'll do whatever it takes. And if that means letting the rest of us walk all over him, then so be it. Not only is that unfair, actually it's incredibly unfair, but it's also mean. the youth group needs to accept everyone no matter how annoying or mean they are. Jesus gave us the commandment to love your neighbor as yourself. I'm not sure I'm seeing that in the youth group.
I've been reading a book called How To Smell Like God. In it is a story about a boy named Mark who had the nickname Stumpy. Every time he came up to a group of people, that would exclude him. He got stuffed into lockers all the time. He would always say that everything was alright and laugh and stuff with the bullies, but deep down, he was really hurting.
I'm not much different from Mark or my old neighbor. One thing, not many people know about me is that when I was in elementary school, I got bullied too. There was one time in gym class where we were playing soccer outside and I must have missed or something because my bully came up and yelled at me and said I could do nothing right. Then there were the times when this same girl bully came up with her friends and made fun of my backpack. My mom always said it was probably because they were jealous of me. Girls can be so cruel especially into their teen years. I'm not really bullied anymore in the same emotional sense. But rather, this bullying features isolation and making the person feel invisible. Sometimes I feel like I don't exist. And I know there's people who probably wish I didn't, but I do exist whether they like it or not.
Today I was baby-sitting three little boys. You know how little kids tend to follow the example given to them? Well, the oldest boy would get on this table and jump off, so naturally the youngest wanted to do the same thing. I see it the same way with bullying. My bully probably did it because she didn't have a stable home life. I got bullied and so I started bullying, but not in the same sense as the emotional stuff. I was ignoring and just pretending my neighbor didn't exist.
"Ok."
He hid and we knew exactly where he was yet we didn't even look for him. All we did was walk along talking and ignoring him every time he jumped out at us. We only played the game with him because we felt bad that he was homeschooled and had no other friends around. He was neighbor.
About a month ago, I was looking through some of my old stuff while cleaning my computer desk. I found this story among my English folder from 8th grade. I wrote this story for an English project in the 8th grade. It's a true story.
A month ago, I realized how mean and cruel I used to be. I was going through some old blogs on Xanga and realized how mean and unhappy I was in 9th grade. Most of my anger was targeted at two of my friends who were dating at the time.
I feel so bad about what happened in both situations nowadays. When I read the English paper, it made me sad. How could I do this to him? I used to play with him, but when friends came over, I ignored him. Was our friendship so fake back then?
Today I have a real friendship with this boy. The story was called "The Annoying Neighbor." He's no longer my neighbor or really annoying.
I remember a few years ago when his family started coming to my church. I wasn't too happy about the idea of it. It actually made me angry with myself because I thought after he moved I wouldn't see much of him.
I now love that he is in my youth group. I find it funny, yet really irritating that everyone in youth group act like I acted playing hide-n-seek. They all think he's annoying. I guess it could be that I lived across the street from him for nearly 10 years. then again, we have grown up so much in the last couple of years. I think everyone else needs to grow up too.
My old youth pastor and I were talking about this story. She said he's a really sweet guy, which he is. He's one of the nicest guys I know and he's very selfless. Like me, he has some really great ideas for the youth group. I really wish the youth group would take him seriously and listen to him. Problem is, he wants to belong like all of us, so he lets everyone walk all over him.
I think him being home-schooled is partially to blame. He doesn't hang out with us at school, so youth group is really the only time he hangs out with us. He's trying so hard to fit in that he'll do whatever it takes. And if that means letting the rest of us walk all over him, then so be it. Not only is that unfair, actually it's incredibly unfair, but it's also mean. the youth group needs to accept everyone no matter how annoying or mean they are. Jesus gave us the commandment to love your neighbor as yourself. I'm not sure I'm seeing that in the youth group.
I've been reading a book called How To Smell Like God. In it is a story about a boy named Mark who had the nickname Stumpy. Every time he came up to a group of people, that would exclude him. He got stuffed into lockers all the time. He would always say that everything was alright and laugh and stuff with the bullies, but deep down, he was really hurting.
I'm not much different from Mark or my old neighbor. One thing, not many people know about me is that when I was in elementary school, I got bullied too. There was one time in gym class where we were playing soccer outside and I must have missed or something because my bully came up and yelled at me and said I could do nothing right. Then there were the times when this same girl bully came up with her friends and made fun of my backpack. My mom always said it was probably because they were jealous of me. Girls can be so cruel especially into their teen years. I'm not really bullied anymore in the same emotional sense. But rather, this bullying features isolation and making the person feel invisible. Sometimes I feel like I don't exist. And I know there's people who probably wish I didn't, but I do exist whether they like it or not.
Today I was baby-sitting three little boys. You know how little kids tend to follow the example given to them? Well, the oldest boy would get on this table and jump off, so naturally the youngest wanted to do the same thing. I see it the same way with bullying. My bully probably did it because she didn't have a stable home life. I got bullied and so I started bullying, but not in the same sense as the emotional stuff. I was ignoring and just pretending my neighbor didn't exist.
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