It has taken me 8 months to read this book. Isn't that pathetic? I almost said 8 years. That would have been even more pathetic. I finished it right before youth group last night.
8 months ago in February, I was given this book to read because my "youth leader" as I'll call him believed we all need to be leaders or something in the youth group. One problem with that is in order for us to be leaders, we need followers and if we're all leaders, then who will be our followers? Our friends at school perhaps? That could be so. Three of us were given books on leadership or being social and so far I'm the only one that has touched mine and actually finished it. In my opinion that shows how much we actually care about leadership or at least how much we respect our current youth leader. It's like we don't respect him enough to actually get ourselves into the books to better our youth group.
I think this respect issue has something to do with who our leader is. You need to understand that this guy is like a brother to me. And I used to live next door to him. He has grown up with this youth group. We don't respect him in the way he wants to be respected because we grew up with him. In my opinion and I know I have a ton of them, but I think we all treat each other, or try to at least, with equal respect. I don't think that's what a leader needs particularly a youth leader or youth pastor. Our guy wants the respect of an authority figure, but he isn't getting that because we all treat him as one of us. I'm not saying we didn't treat our old youth pastors like that. They were completely new to us plus they were much older by about 6-8 years for me. Our guy is at least 3 years older than me. I'm not a good follower for that I don't think. I'm not at all trying to rip on this guy because for the most part he's a good guy except when he gets annoying, but we've always been told for many years that guys mature at a much slower rate than girls do. And don't think I'm much better because I'm not.
Back to the book, it talks about five essentials for those who will shape the future. They are courage, clarity, competence, coachability, and character. We could also call it the five C's of leadership. My favorite parts I think were courage and the epilogue.
I can't exactly explain why courage is one of my favorite parts, but courage establishes leadership according to the book. I like how the author, Andy Stanley, says that leaders love progress. At the point in which I was reading that part over the summer, I was really struggling with the fact that I didn't see my youth group growing much. It bothered me a whole lot. I wrote a lot of stupid things and almost did some stupid things, but I'm over it now. I remember in particular thinking that brotherly youth leader was gonna regret giving me this book to read because I was going to go up against him. As an old youth pastor, who at one point owned the same copy of this book I just finished, said to me, and I know it's so true now and I don't know why I argued with him about it; but leaders do like progress, but you can't go anywhere without a vision. When he told me this, it made me so mad, but now I'm glad he did because it makes so much sense.
Now you may think I really liked the epilogue because it was the last part of the book. That's not the reason at all. You know once in a while, I would pick up this book and ask myself why I was reading it. I'm not a leader. I couldn't ever be one. National Honor Society doesn't even think I'm qualified because I have no leadership qualities at all. I stuck with reading this book because I can't stand not finishing books. That's one reason. Another reason is, I truly want to be a leader. When I read part of the epilogue yesterday, I realized that I am a leader.
This part I'm talking about is this: "As you embark on your quest to shape the future, remember that in the wake of your leadership is the next crop of next generation leaders. They are easy to spot: They will remind you of you when you were their age. They will be the ones asking all the questions. They will be the influencers. In some cases, they will be the trouble-makers. But most importantly, they are your responsibility."
Why is this so significantly important to me? Because there is a girl in my youth group who reminds me of myself when I was her age. I have to question, did someone see me as a future leader when I was at that age? I was always asking questions and sometimes acting out jokingly. Apparently someone must have seen it. When I see this girl in my youth group do what she does, a light just clicks in my head and I realize that not that long ago, I acted the same way. I remember last year on our mission trip, this girl was asking my aunt all sorts of questions and she kept apologizing, but my aunt loves to answer questions relating to the Bible. I used to be the same way and even today, I'm still asking questions. I like a good challenge and that's probably one reason I'm having trouble in Sunday school right now. I want to ask deep questions, but those questions aren't be satisfied in my class. Sorry I just kinda went off topic there.
Maybe I was meant to be one, a leader that is, after all.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I don't care
I don't care. If you know anything about me, you know that this is one of the most common phrases that I use. Why? Because I am an extremely indecisive person. I have trouble picking between pretty much anything. But does that mean that I don't care? Showing mercy is among my highest spiritual gifts. Showing mercy is caring. I show mercy by praying for others. Am I just being indecisive with material things? Do I really care about material things? Are they really going to matter in the end? The answer is no. Material things really won't matter in the end. I won't be able to take my mp3 player, my books, or my toothbrush to Heaven with me.
So the truth to all this is that I really do care about certain things, but why worry about caring for something that won't matter in the end?
At the end of the day, being decisive about which restaurant to eat at might matter, but will it matter 10 years from now? How about 20 years? 50 years?
Being indecisive doesn't mean that you don't care; it just means you're not good at making decisions. Now some decisions you have to make right now will affect you 50 years from now, so do take care of those. But others such as the restaurant, don't matter as much. With obesity seen in so many Americans these days, it could affect you 10-50 years from now, I suppose. Though I'm not really totally sure what one meal could do to you. But who knows?
Gee, I should probably say this at the beginning, but oh well. These are just some of my opinions. Back in August and September when I decided to write in a journal for ranting and such, I wrote this about caring. It's all an opinion, my opinion. Though seriously, material items aren't gonna matter in the end. I'm pretty sure I'm not taking my toothbrush to Heaven with me.
So the truth to all this is that I really do care about certain things, but why worry about caring for something that won't matter in the end?
At the end of the day, being decisive about which restaurant to eat at might matter, but will it matter 10 years from now? How about 20 years? 50 years?
Being indecisive doesn't mean that you don't care; it just means you're not good at making decisions. Now some decisions you have to make right now will affect you 50 years from now, so do take care of those. But others such as the restaurant, don't matter as much. With obesity seen in so many Americans these days, it could affect you 10-50 years from now, I suppose. Though I'm not really totally sure what one meal could do to you. But who knows?
Gee, I should probably say this at the beginning, but oh well. These are just some of my opinions. Back in August and September when I decided to write in a journal for ranting and such, I wrote this about caring. It's all an opinion, my opinion. Though seriously, material items aren't gonna matter in the end. I'm pretty sure I'm not taking my toothbrush to Heaven with me.
A major turning point
Just as Joe Wenteworth from the movie Simon Birch says, "I am doomed to remember a boy with a wrecked voice, not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew, or even because he was the instrument of my mother's death, but because he is the reason I believe in God. What faith I have, I owe to Simon Birch, the boy I grew up with in Gravedown, Maine." This is true for me too. I'm not sure why I feel this way, but upon thinking about what I'm about to talk about, I thought of this one particular quote.
Simon Birch is not the reason I believe in God. But of the faith that I have, I do owe it to a lot of amazing people that I've come in contact with over the course of many wonderful years of growing up.
Two in particular that just stand out right now because I've been thinking about them a lot lately, are my two old youth pastors. I've had many Sunday school teachers at my church and many youth leaders, but not many youth pastors. In fact, these two are the only ones I would call youth pastors. Everyone else was a short term Sunday school teacher who not only taught us stuff on Sundays, but also chose to participate in our activities. Anyways, my two old youth pastors stick out to me the most right now because of what happened two years ago on this past weekend.
I just checked it out earlier today and realized that on the third Friday of October, it has rained three years in a row. It rained in 2006, 2007, and this year. That is so weird. And to think that I thought it was really weird last year thinking about it. I wonder if it will do the same next year. Two years ago, we had our second 30 Hour Famine, which was a blast. We did so many fun things. And it has been a major turning point in my life.
We watched almost every episode of Star Wars and a bunch of other movies. We played some very interesting games, which my team lost every time. There was a lot of saran wrap used. We saran wrapped our youth pastors to chairs and made them race. We stayed up until like five in the morning, but then the girls had to go into the other room. My one youth pastor said that if I hadn't been awake when she told me the girls were going into the other room, she would have dragged me into the other room. Then we all got saran wrapped together and had to walk as a team. I lost my balance, fell, and everyone came with me. I hit my head really hard on the floor and was paranoid about the whole thing for a while. After that, I was in the bathroom or something and everyone decided to see how well our youth pastors could work together, so they saran wrapped them together (did I mention that these two are now married?) I walked in and saw it, but walked back out because I didn't want to know what was going on. Since we stayed up so late, we basically did nothing on that Saturday. We laid in our sleeping bags almost all day watching movies like Over the Hedge. Never ever watch that movie on an empty stomach. It's a bad idea. Sometime in the middle of the night, I also started laughing for no reason and my youth pastor said, "Uh oh. I think Chelsea is slap happy."
What you are reading is mostly from my journal and another blog. You know, I think at the time of this happening, I might have thought about not going at all. My best friend wasn't there because she had to go to a wedding and at the last famine, we had totally hung out together. This time I might have been afraid to go alone, afraid to make my own path in the world. I used to follow my best friend around at youth events (and I still do sometimes), but this event was different. I don't actually remember ever being afraid to go alone. I just remember being ready for marching band to end that night, so I could go to the church and hang out with my friends.
That weekend, I got to know my youth pastors even more than the first 30 Hour Famine. I became more of an individual during this weekend. As I said above, I still do follow my best friend around, but not so much anymore. I'm comfortable with making new tracks in the dirt. I'm not afraid to go to things alone, at least youth group things (dances at school are a different story) anymore. Through this weekend I also started listening a lot more to our youth pastor. I finally got it and wanted to cut through the crap of youth group problems of no one paying attention. I craved and still do today spiritual food. I was listening to everything spiritual especially in Sunday school and to the Sunday sermons.
Last year I kinda lost all that and I really missed it. This year, I feel revived and fully on fire for the Lord again. I'm so glad about that. Unfortunately, I've been finding that I'm having a tough time getting anything out of Sunday school. Not sure what the problem is. I've been fine on Wednesdays ever since that icky etiquette class ended. I just don't get what etiquette has to do with our spiritual well-being. I find we don't get through much in Sunday school anymore. We do dumb things like trivia (who needs that anyways?), words of the day (good for vocab, but not meant for Sunday school), and questions (good discussion starters, but what if it has nothing to do with what we're talking about?) I just don't feel challenged enough in that area. All the other girls are completely for it. Of course, I'm sure we're all at different levels in our spirituality. I feel like I wouldn't belong with the adults either though. I wish there was an in between class. Though I could go macho and be with the boys. I used to do that because I really enjoy what my pastor teaches them. Even if it's the same thing the girls are talking about, I feel like I get more out of Sunday school if I sit in with the boys.
Anyways enough of my complaining about Sunday school. I completely just lost my train of thought and where I was going with the 30 Hour Famine. Oh wait...I got it back.
I could never thank my youth pastors enough for all that they've ever done for me. I know I say it a lot, but it's so true. I thank God everyday for sending these people into my life. And they're not gone just yet. I still talk to them and I'm thankful for the days I can still talk to them. And I think that's just about all I wanted to say for now.
Oh wait...one more thing. Thanks Matt and Lindsay for all you've ever done for me. You guys rock my socks!
Simon Birch is not the reason I believe in God. But of the faith that I have, I do owe it to a lot of amazing people that I've come in contact with over the course of many wonderful years of growing up.
Two in particular that just stand out right now because I've been thinking about them a lot lately, are my two old youth pastors. I've had many Sunday school teachers at my church and many youth leaders, but not many youth pastors. In fact, these two are the only ones I would call youth pastors. Everyone else was a short term Sunday school teacher who not only taught us stuff on Sundays, but also chose to participate in our activities. Anyways, my two old youth pastors stick out to me the most right now because of what happened two years ago on this past weekend.
I just checked it out earlier today and realized that on the third Friday of October, it has rained three years in a row. It rained in 2006, 2007, and this year. That is so weird. And to think that I thought it was really weird last year thinking about it. I wonder if it will do the same next year. Two years ago, we had our second 30 Hour Famine, which was a blast. We did so many fun things. And it has been a major turning point in my life.
We watched almost every episode of Star Wars and a bunch of other movies. We played some very interesting games, which my team lost every time. There was a lot of saran wrap used. We saran wrapped our youth pastors to chairs and made them race. We stayed up until like five in the morning, but then the girls had to go into the other room. My one youth pastor said that if I hadn't been awake when she told me the girls were going into the other room, she would have dragged me into the other room. Then we all got saran wrapped together and had to walk as a team. I lost my balance, fell, and everyone came with me. I hit my head really hard on the floor and was paranoid about the whole thing for a while. After that, I was in the bathroom or something and everyone decided to see how well our youth pastors could work together, so they saran wrapped them together (did I mention that these two are now married?) I walked in and saw it, but walked back out because I didn't want to know what was going on. Since we stayed up so late, we basically did nothing on that Saturday. We laid in our sleeping bags almost all day watching movies like Over the Hedge. Never ever watch that movie on an empty stomach. It's a bad idea. Sometime in the middle of the night, I also started laughing for no reason and my youth pastor said, "Uh oh. I think Chelsea is slap happy."
What you are reading is mostly from my journal and another blog. You know, I think at the time of this happening, I might have thought about not going at all. My best friend wasn't there because she had to go to a wedding and at the last famine, we had totally hung out together. This time I might have been afraid to go alone, afraid to make my own path in the world. I used to follow my best friend around at youth events (and I still do sometimes), but this event was different. I don't actually remember ever being afraid to go alone. I just remember being ready for marching band to end that night, so I could go to the church and hang out with my friends.
That weekend, I got to know my youth pastors even more than the first 30 Hour Famine. I became more of an individual during this weekend. As I said above, I still do follow my best friend around, but not so much anymore. I'm comfortable with making new tracks in the dirt. I'm not afraid to go to things alone, at least youth group things (dances at school are a different story) anymore. Through this weekend I also started listening a lot more to our youth pastor. I finally got it and wanted to cut through the crap of youth group problems of no one paying attention. I craved and still do today spiritual food. I was listening to everything spiritual especially in Sunday school and to the Sunday sermons.
Last year I kinda lost all that and I really missed it. This year, I feel revived and fully on fire for the Lord again. I'm so glad about that. Unfortunately, I've been finding that I'm having a tough time getting anything out of Sunday school. Not sure what the problem is. I've been fine on Wednesdays ever since that icky etiquette class ended. I just don't get what etiquette has to do with our spiritual well-being. I find we don't get through much in Sunday school anymore. We do dumb things like trivia (who needs that anyways?), words of the day (good for vocab, but not meant for Sunday school), and questions (good discussion starters, but what if it has nothing to do with what we're talking about?) I just don't feel challenged enough in that area. All the other girls are completely for it. Of course, I'm sure we're all at different levels in our spirituality. I feel like I wouldn't belong with the adults either though. I wish there was an in between class. Though I could go macho and be with the boys. I used to do that because I really enjoy what my pastor teaches them. Even if it's the same thing the girls are talking about, I feel like I get more out of Sunday school if I sit in with the boys.
Anyways enough of my complaining about Sunday school. I completely just lost my train of thought and where I was going with the 30 Hour Famine. Oh wait...I got it back.
I could never thank my youth pastors enough for all that they've ever done for me. I know I say it a lot, but it's so true. I thank God everyday for sending these people into my life. And they're not gone just yet. I still talk to them and I'm thankful for the days I can still talk to them. And I think that's just about all I wanted to say for now.
Oh wait...one more thing. Thanks Matt and Lindsay for all you've ever done for me. You guys rock my socks!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Yesterday and Today
This is me in 6th grade. I was 11 at the time. I was at the Painted Desert in Arizona while on a mission trip with my church group to Sun Valley Indian School.
This was me at the tail end of 9th grade. It was still cold out, though I think it was also April. As you can see, I'm a brace face and I have glasses.
So much has changed since 9th grade. My braces came off in May of my 9th grade year. I got contacts during that summer. This is one of my senior pictures. To me, it kinda shows off my funny side. This is actually one of my favorites.With me, I've got three pictures. Yes, they are all of me at different points in my life. I've got one from 6th, 9th, and 12th grade. I'm doing this to show how much I've changed over the years. Not only have I changed a lot of my attitudes and actions, but I have blossomed into a beautiful young woman. At least that's what everyone in my family says. No I'm not having low confidence levels at all; I just think it's kinda corny to say that I've blossomed into a beautiful young woman.
Though I do want to say that I've never really wanted to get into the whole wearing make-up thing. And guess what? I haven't. I don't wear it. I don't need it. God made each of us beautiful in our own way. Why do some girls think they need to wear make-up? It only hides what God made them to be. I'm not saying make-up is bad; I just want to know why girls wear it.
I was looking through some pictures of friends of mine on Facebook. They're freshmen. It amazes me that they think they have to hide who they really are to fit in. Hopefully by the time they're my age, 17 or 18, they'll know who they are. High school has helped me find out who I really am and I've grown through everything I've experienced. As a freshmen, I don't really remember trying to fit in with the crowd by wearing make-up. I just went with the flow and hung out with my friends. I didn't think I was ugly, but at that point I guess I didn't love myself as much I do now. And I don't love myself in a self-centered way. Today I'm feeling beautiful and I don't care what other people think of me so much anymore. In fact, I stopped caring last year when I had physics. Junior year was bad. I just stopped caring about everything. Even my relationship with God almost fell apart. But like I said I'm feeling beautiful and I'm loving the renewed relationship with God. Thinking about my relationship with God makes me happy...so very happy. I can't even begin to explain how happy I am to be back where I am. It's amazing! I'll leave it at that.
Practicing Self-Control
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23
As I put emphasis on self-control right there, I am also thinking about my Fruits of the Spirit video where I hit my hand in order to show self-control.
When you think about self-control, what comes to your mind? Are you thinking about how much you eat? Or how about how much you spend going shopping?
When I think about self-control, I do think about these things. Often times I over eat. I know I'm a teenager and I'm still growing, but I shouldn't eat as much as I do. And also you never want to go shopping with me. I'm very careful with what I buy. I hate shopping actually. I just don't like spending my money.
I've decided to practice a little self-control this week. Somehow though, I wasn't thinking about what I'm about to say when I decided to do this. So here's my first real life application to this.
I went to the store the other day with my mom and saw this really cute purse and I was thinking that I really needed it. I told my best friend about it and funny thing is she bought the same purse when she was at the store yesterday. Now that doesn't really bother me. She felt really bad about it though. The purse is actually smaller than what I have now and as I was going to bed last night, I explained to myself (yes, I talk to myself) that the purse I have right now actually holds a lot of stuff and maybe I don't need another purse just yet. Today at church, my friends said I should buy the other purse, which is a different color. I fought it and argued with myself all during church and now I'm over it. My best friend asked if I was going to buy the purse and I said I was thinking about it. She told me to really think about it. I knew what she was saying: go buy the purse. So did I buy the purse? No, I haven't. I don't really want it anymore. As much as it's ebbing at me, I don't really need it. And now my friend is going to think it's her fault, but it's not. I just feel like practicing some self-control and I don't need to buy things that I don't need.
If you live in Michigan like the lower part where I do or you're from Michigan, then you'll know what was so big about yesterday. It was the big Michigan vs. Michigan State game. I'm not normally a sports fan, but I love to argue with my friends about which school is better. Usually Michigan wins, but yesterday Michigan State won. I know people who are really kinda mad, sad, etc. about this, but come on, it's just a game, right?
I know some people who might say that it's not just a game. Watching football might be their life. University of Michigan football might be their life. I'm a girl, so yes, I believe that it's just a game. I'm in marching band and I go to every stinking football game, which by the way, we won on Friday and I was hoping we would lose; I hate the game though. I just like to argue and pretend fight with friends as I said about which college team is better.
Last week, not knowing what had happened or what the score was, I asked my old youth pastor how Michigan had done (yes, I enjoy arguing with him about Michigan and Michigan State) and he told me to be quiet. I was asking a valid question. I just wanted to know. Yesterday after I got home from the youth group bonfire, my old youth pastor commented on my Facebook status, which said Go MSU! He said, don't talk to me. After watching MSU win, I was really happy, but now I'm over it because honestly it's just a game.
I did want to call a bunch of people after the game ended and brag and what not. But you know what? It's wrong to brag. I'm supposed to be writing a paper for National Honors Society if I so choose to join, but I can't stand bragging about myself. They want us to brag about ourselves and really sell out, but I just can't do it. I don't like bragging about myself.
If I have to "brag" about myself, I'll brag about the humiliations that make me like Jesus. 2 Corinthians 11:30 The Message
This is what the Lord says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the Lord. Jeremiah 9:23-24 NIV
If I'm gonna brag, I wanna brag about something worthy of being bragged about. My study Bible says that ultimately, only God and our knowledge of and love for him are worthwhile.
You know, Michigan State beating Michigan doesn't seem like something I should really brag to my old youth pastor about. I know he might be expecting me to do so, but I'm gonna try a little self-control on this one.
Come on guys, you know it's just a game and it's not the end of the world, so don't worry about it. And to my old youth pastor, as much as you call my favorite team a high school team, whatever I don't care. I'm not gonna be mean right back. I just enjoy jokingly arguing about it. As much as I was jumping off the walls last night and eating tons of cake thinking excitedly about my bragging rights, I've decided this isn't something worth bragging about after all. I'm over it.
As I put emphasis on self-control right there, I am also thinking about my Fruits of the Spirit video where I hit my hand in order to show self-control.
When you think about self-control, what comes to your mind? Are you thinking about how much you eat? Or how about how much you spend going shopping?
When I think about self-control, I do think about these things. Often times I over eat. I know I'm a teenager and I'm still growing, but I shouldn't eat as much as I do. And also you never want to go shopping with me. I'm very careful with what I buy. I hate shopping actually. I just don't like spending my money.
I've decided to practice a little self-control this week. Somehow though, I wasn't thinking about what I'm about to say when I decided to do this. So here's my first real life application to this.
I went to the store the other day with my mom and saw this really cute purse and I was thinking that I really needed it. I told my best friend about it and funny thing is she bought the same purse when she was at the store yesterday. Now that doesn't really bother me. She felt really bad about it though. The purse is actually smaller than what I have now and as I was going to bed last night, I explained to myself (yes, I talk to myself) that the purse I have right now actually holds a lot of stuff and maybe I don't need another purse just yet. Today at church, my friends said I should buy the other purse, which is a different color. I fought it and argued with myself all during church and now I'm over it. My best friend asked if I was going to buy the purse and I said I was thinking about it. She told me to really think about it. I knew what she was saying: go buy the purse. So did I buy the purse? No, I haven't. I don't really want it anymore. As much as it's ebbing at me, I don't really need it. And now my friend is going to think it's her fault, but it's not. I just feel like practicing some self-control and I don't need to buy things that I don't need.
If you live in Michigan like the lower part where I do or you're from Michigan, then you'll know what was so big about yesterday. It was the big Michigan vs. Michigan State game. I'm not normally a sports fan, but I love to argue with my friends about which school is better. Usually Michigan wins, but yesterday Michigan State won. I know people who are really kinda mad, sad, etc. about this, but come on, it's just a game, right?
I know some people who might say that it's not just a game. Watching football might be their life. University of Michigan football might be their life. I'm a girl, so yes, I believe that it's just a game. I'm in marching band and I go to every stinking football game, which by the way, we won on Friday and I was hoping we would lose; I hate the game though. I just like to argue and pretend fight with friends as I said about which college team is better.
Last week, not knowing what had happened or what the score was, I asked my old youth pastor how Michigan had done (yes, I enjoy arguing with him about Michigan and Michigan State) and he told me to be quiet. I was asking a valid question. I just wanted to know. Yesterday after I got home from the youth group bonfire, my old youth pastor commented on my Facebook status, which said Go MSU! He said, don't talk to me. After watching MSU win, I was really happy, but now I'm over it because honestly it's just a game.
I did want to call a bunch of people after the game ended and brag and what not. But you know what? It's wrong to brag. I'm supposed to be writing a paper for National Honors Society if I so choose to join, but I can't stand bragging about myself. They want us to brag about ourselves and really sell out, but I just can't do it. I don't like bragging about myself.
If I have to "brag" about myself, I'll brag about the humiliations that make me like Jesus. 2 Corinthians 11:30 The Message
This is what the Lord says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the Lord. Jeremiah 9:23-24 NIV
If I'm gonna brag, I wanna brag about something worthy of being bragged about. My study Bible says that ultimately, only God and our knowledge of and love for him are worthwhile.
You know, Michigan State beating Michigan doesn't seem like something I should really brag to my old youth pastor about. I know he might be expecting me to do so, but I'm gonna try a little self-control on this one.
Come on guys, you know it's just a game and it's not the end of the world, so don't worry about it. And to my old youth pastor, as much as you call my favorite team a high school team, whatever I don't care. I'm not gonna be mean right back. I just enjoy jokingly arguing about it. As much as I was jumping off the walls last night and eating tons of cake thinking excitedly about my bragging rights, I've decided this isn't something worth bragging about after all. I'm over it.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Could we all just...I don't know, grow up?
On December 16, 2006, so about two years ago, I wrote a blog about how much I'd changed over the past months. At the end of the blog I asked a few questions, but the one I'm asking today is when will my friends change too and be like me?
Ok that was like, what, two years ago. I'm gonna rant, yes, but I don't see the change. Three things about me I rant, I complain, and sometimes I can be pretty prejudice. I'm probably gonna use all three of these things as I rant and complain, but I'm not really being prejudice. Prejudice is what we need to discuss.
We're having a bonfire tonight in youth group that I actually need to leave for soon. My aunt suggested that I bring one of my friends with me, so I asked my friend this week and she said she probably had nothing better to do, so she's coming with me. Only a few people know she's coming and one of them is my best friend. I know she's not too happy with me about it. And honestly she and the rest of the youth group need to deal with it and get over themselves.
I should probably tell you what the big deal of all this is. My best friend has issues with this one friend of mine because of this friend's attitude. I've known this friend since middle school. Sure, that's not as long as I've known my best friend, but it's still a long time. My friend and I have this type of relationship where as much as we argue, we're still friends. We have our opposite weeks where she's good and I'm bad and vice versa, which is really cool. Actually the youth group also has problems. This one guy, I think he doesn't like my friend because my best friend doesn't like her. No one takes the chance of getting to know her. And no, I'm not dropping her as a friend no matter what my youth group thinks of her.
I am so tired of all this prejudice crap that I see in my youth group. I'm gonna be honest with you, I can prejudice too. In fact, I remember three years ago when my old youth pastors first started teaching, I hated their guts. I had no right to hate them. I didn't know them yet. Over the year and a half that they were with us, I got to know them better and actually liked having them around. I was sad to see them leave, but it was God's plan. I still talk to them all the time. We're really good friends now.
Last year, we had some new girls join the youth group. I got sucked into being prejudice with one of my guy friends. He thought one of them had a crush on him and didn't like that. Youth group...so the drama. Today, as annoying as one of them can be at times, I'm glad they're coming to youth group.
We can't just be stuck in a shell as the youth group we've always been. We need to grow at some point and if we don't the youth group will die. In five years, this youth group at this church could be dead. Maybe not the people, but the group might be. In ten years, it may be non-existent.
As I've said before I'm sick and tired of these prejudice attitudes. I've dealt with it and now everyone else needs to. Please, could we all just grow up?
Oh one more thing about growing up on a different level. On Wednesday, I was sitting by one of our newer girls and let me tell you, having cheat tabs is not always the best thing. I had my Bible with me, which has cheat tabs and this girl kept flipping my pages all over the place, so I couldn't get to the reading in time. You know even with cheat tabs, I don't flip my pages that fast anyways. Plus one of my tabs is ripping, which isn't good. After youth group, this girl and her sister were messing around "fighting" in the sanctuary. I just said to them, "Hey, guys, I'm sure that's appropriate in your own house, but this is God's house and I don't think He wants us to fight in here."
I remember being the same way. I used to get chased around the sanctuary by my friends and I remember the pastor telling me the same thing. It's God's house. Respect it. I'm glad I'm not that way anymore. I'm growing up.
I was talking to one of my old youth pastor's about all this the other day and she basically really kinda embarrassed me, but also made me feel good about myself. She was proud of me for standing up and telling those girls not to fight in God's house. This is one of the youth pastor's in particular that I was prejudice about. You know, I'm so thankful God threw these people into my life. They challenged me to reach for God on a personal level everyday. They've helped me so much throughout the last couple of years. I just can't stop saying thank you. Thank you God!
Ok that was like, what, two years ago. I'm gonna rant, yes, but I don't see the change. Three things about me I rant, I complain, and sometimes I can be pretty prejudice. I'm probably gonna use all three of these things as I rant and complain, but I'm not really being prejudice. Prejudice is what we need to discuss.
We're having a bonfire tonight in youth group that I actually need to leave for soon. My aunt suggested that I bring one of my friends with me, so I asked my friend this week and she said she probably had nothing better to do, so she's coming with me. Only a few people know she's coming and one of them is my best friend. I know she's not too happy with me about it. And honestly she and the rest of the youth group need to deal with it and get over themselves.
I should probably tell you what the big deal of all this is. My best friend has issues with this one friend of mine because of this friend's attitude. I've known this friend since middle school. Sure, that's not as long as I've known my best friend, but it's still a long time. My friend and I have this type of relationship where as much as we argue, we're still friends. We have our opposite weeks where she's good and I'm bad and vice versa, which is really cool. Actually the youth group also has problems. This one guy, I think he doesn't like my friend because my best friend doesn't like her. No one takes the chance of getting to know her. And no, I'm not dropping her as a friend no matter what my youth group thinks of her.
I am so tired of all this prejudice crap that I see in my youth group. I'm gonna be honest with you, I can prejudice too. In fact, I remember three years ago when my old youth pastors first started teaching, I hated their guts. I had no right to hate them. I didn't know them yet. Over the year and a half that they were with us, I got to know them better and actually liked having them around. I was sad to see them leave, but it was God's plan. I still talk to them all the time. We're really good friends now.
Last year, we had some new girls join the youth group. I got sucked into being prejudice with one of my guy friends. He thought one of them had a crush on him and didn't like that. Youth group...so the drama. Today, as annoying as one of them can be at times, I'm glad they're coming to youth group.
We can't just be stuck in a shell as the youth group we've always been. We need to grow at some point and if we don't the youth group will die. In five years, this youth group at this church could be dead. Maybe not the people, but the group might be. In ten years, it may be non-existent.
As I've said before I'm sick and tired of these prejudice attitudes. I've dealt with it and now everyone else needs to. Please, could we all just grow up?
Oh one more thing about growing up on a different level. On Wednesday, I was sitting by one of our newer girls and let me tell you, having cheat tabs is not always the best thing. I had my Bible with me, which has cheat tabs and this girl kept flipping my pages all over the place, so I couldn't get to the reading in time. You know even with cheat tabs, I don't flip my pages that fast anyways. Plus one of my tabs is ripping, which isn't good. After youth group, this girl and her sister were messing around "fighting" in the sanctuary. I just said to them, "Hey, guys, I'm sure that's appropriate in your own house, but this is God's house and I don't think He wants us to fight in here."
I remember being the same way. I used to get chased around the sanctuary by my friends and I remember the pastor telling me the same thing. It's God's house. Respect it. I'm glad I'm not that way anymore. I'm growing up.
I was talking to one of my old youth pastor's about all this the other day and she basically really kinda embarrassed me, but also made me feel good about myself. She was proud of me for standing up and telling those girls not to fight in God's house. This is one of the youth pastor's in particular that I was prejudice about. You know, I'm so thankful God threw these people into my life. They challenged me to reach for God on a personal level everyday. They've helped me so much throughout the last couple of years. I just can't stop saying thank you. Thank you God!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Ancient Words
Holy words long preserved
for our walk in this world,
They resound with God's own heart
Oh, let the Ancient words impart.
Words of Life, words of Hope
Give us strength, help us cope
In this world, where e'er we roam
Ancient words will guide us Home.
CHORUS:
Ancient words ever true
Changing me, and changing you.
We have come with open hearts
Oh let the ancient words impart.
Holy words of our Faith
Handed down to this age.
Came to us through sacrifice
Oh heed the faithful words of Christ.
Holy words long preserved
For our walk in this world.
They resound with God's own heart
Oh let the ancient words impart.
CHORUS x4
We have come with open hearts
Oh let the ancient words impart.
I'm totally addicted to this song right now. We sang this at church today as we did last week too and two weeks before that, we were supposed to sing it, but we never did. I love the part that goes, "We have come with open hearts, oh let the ancient words impart." I get a mental picture with that. I think of a heart opened up with light shining through or shining out for all to see. What do you see?
Now this morning at practice, one of the pastor's kids asked why we were playing this song again this week and I don't know, it just sounded a little negative to me. Right before we actually got started playing some of the songs, there was an argument. I hate when we're rehearsing and two of the kids get into an argument. I know Sundays can be especially stressful for pastor's kids, but why do we have to argue? Often enough there are complaints about how often we play certain songs. Now I'm a complainer normally about certain stuff, but I don't complain about what we play. Who said we were worshiping the ones who complain about how often songs are sung anyways? We're not. We go to church to worship God, not the ones who are leading the worship music. I say whatever the pastor feels lead to sing, we sing or play. It's for God, not our own selfish, personal benefit. It's worship. I don't like getting in between their arguments because I've had bad experiences with their arguments already. They tell me that they aren't arguing. Yeah, right. I have a little brother too. I know what it's like.
Today, my Sunday school teacher said she was looking forward to me playing the flute in church. By the way, if I haven't mentioned it before, I play flute and piccolo in band, but flute at church and sometimes piano too. On Friday, as I was walking to the funeral home where the band was meeting to set up for the parade, I was praying and one thing I said was that I wasn't going to play my piccolo for my band director, my parents, or even the audience. I'm playing for God. At church as much as I know people love the sound of my flute when I play, truth is I'm not playing for them; I'm playing for God. That's my contribution on Sunday mornings. Sure, it sounds good, but that's not the point.
At the point this morning when the two kids were arguing, I sighed and just looked up. I was kinda fed up and irritated. Next thing I know, our pastor who was playing piano this morning, suggested that we pray. I was glad he finally remembered, and I was just about to mention it when he said it. And anyways, I was supposed to remind him a few weeks ago when we first talked about it.
You're probably wondering what I'm talking about. As I wrote somewhere above, I also play piano. I love it. It's definitely my favorite instrument. I've been playing for about 9 years now and I've had the same teacher for all those years. It's amazing he's been able to put up with me. Haha, well actually even if he wasn't my piano teacher, he would have to put up with me because he's my pastor too.
Piano lessons are probably my favorite part of the week besides church and sometimes youth group. I've had many spiritual conversations with my piano teacher and a few weeks ago, I mentioned that I wasn't happy with all the arguing that was going on in rehearsal. So I asked him if we could maybe pray before playing on Sunday mornings. He agreed and knew we should have been doing it all along.
It could be that over the last couple of months, I've become a really big prayer warrior that made me say this. It also could have been what I saw at a church I visited this past summer. This summer I visited my aunt and some friends in Washington D.C. and was able to go to church with my friends. One thing I noticed right before service started was the music minister was going around praying for each of the instruments. At least that's what it looked like to me. I'll bet he was praying for those who were about to pick up those instruments.
Ok, I know this is starting to get to be a really long blog and I'm sorry about that, I just have too much that I want to say. I think I have one more thing to say about prayer. There's a song my pastor started to have us sing in July for the month. It's Psalm 101:1-2.
I will sing of your love and justice;
to you, O Lord, I will sing praise.
I will be careful to lead a blameless life--
when will you come to me?
All that month it seems, I was praying that prayer and at one point I mentioned it to my pastor. He thought it was because of youth group. Little did he know, I was praying about my future and my career. I remember this summer when he told me to be in prayer for the youth group. I was kinda upset about that because I was being stubborn for one and didn't understand what prayer would do for any of us. As Joyce Meyer says, patience is the ability to keep a good attitude while you wait. Obviously I didn't have a good attitude at that point. Ever since I wrote on Facebook about worrying and prayer, I feel like such a prayer warrior. That's all I want to do. I'm a behind the scenes type of person, and prayer to me, is behind the scenes because you never know really who's doing it and some don't know that it may be you who is praying for you. I hope that made sense.
Oh one more thing about Ancient Words. My fellow "worship team members" as I'll call them, would think I'm crazy right now. Why? Because I'm still listening to the song. I love it and can't get enough of it.
for our walk in this world,
They resound with God's own heart
Oh, let the Ancient words impart.
Words of Life, words of Hope
Give us strength, help us cope
In this world, where e'er we roam
Ancient words will guide us Home.
CHORUS:
Ancient words ever true
Changing me, and changing you.
We have come with open hearts
Oh let the ancient words impart.
Holy words of our Faith
Handed down to this age.
Came to us through sacrifice
Oh heed the faithful words of Christ.
Holy words long preserved
For our walk in this world.
They resound with God's own heart
Oh let the ancient words impart.
CHORUS x4
We have come with open hearts
Oh let the ancient words impart.
I'm totally addicted to this song right now. We sang this at church today as we did last week too and two weeks before that, we were supposed to sing it, but we never did. I love the part that goes, "We have come with open hearts, oh let the ancient words impart." I get a mental picture with that. I think of a heart opened up with light shining through or shining out for all to see. What do you see?
Now this morning at practice, one of the pastor's kids asked why we were playing this song again this week and I don't know, it just sounded a little negative to me. Right before we actually got started playing some of the songs, there was an argument. I hate when we're rehearsing and two of the kids get into an argument. I know Sundays can be especially stressful for pastor's kids, but why do we have to argue? Often enough there are complaints about how often we play certain songs. Now I'm a complainer normally about certain stuff, but I don't complain about what we play. Who said we were worshiping the ones who complain about how often songs are sung anyways? We're not. We go to church to worship God, not the ones who are leading the worship music. I say whatever the pastor feels lead to sing, we sing or play. It's for God, not our own selfish, personal benefit. It's worship. I don't like getting in between their arguments because I've had bad experiences with their arguments already. They tell me that they aren't arguing. Yeah, right. I have a little brother too. I know what it's like.
Today, my Sunday school teacher said she was looking forward to me playing the flute in church. By the way, if I haven't mentioned it before, I play flute and piccolo in band, but flute at church and sometimes piano too. On Friday, as I was walking to the funeral home where the band was meeting to set up for the parade, I was praying and one thing I said was that I wasn't going to play my piccolo for my band director, my parents, or even the audience. I'm playing for God. At church as much as I know people love the sound of my flute when I play, truth is I'm not playing for them; I'm playing for God. That's my contribution on Sunday mornings. Sure, it sounds good, but that's not the point.
At the point this morning when the two kids were arguing, I sighed and just looked up. I was kinda fed up and irritated. Next thing I know, our pastor who was playing piano this morning, suggested that we pray. I was glad he finally remembered, and I was just about to mention it when he said it. And anyways, I was supposed to remind him a few weeks ago when we first talked about it.
You're probably wondering what I'm talking about. As I wrote somewhere above, I also play piano. I love it. It's definitely my favorite instrument. I've been playing for about 9 years now and I've had the same teacher for all those years. It's amazing he's been able to put up with me. Haha, well actually even if he wasn't my piano teacher, he would have to put up with me because he's my pastor too.
Piano lessons are probably my favorite part of the week besides church and sometimes youth group. I've had many spiritual conversations with my piano teacher and a few weeks ago, I mentioned that I wasn't happy with all the arguing that was going on in rehearsal. So I asked him if we could maybe pray before playing on Sunday mornings. He agreed and knew we should have been doing it all along.
It could be that over the last couple of months, I've become a really big prayer warrior that made me say this. It also could have been what I saw at a church I visited this past summer. This summer I visited my aunt and some friends in Washington D.C. and was able to go to church with my friends. One thing I noticed right before service started was the music minister was going around praying for each of the instruments. At least that's what it looked like to me. I'll bet he was praying for those who were about to pick up those instruments.
Ok, I know this is starting to get to be a really long blog and I'm sorry about that, I just have too much that I want to say. I think I have one more thing to say about prayer. There's a song my pastor started to have us sing in July for the month. It's Psalm 101:1-2.
I will sing of your love and justice;
to you, O Lord, I will sing praise.
I will be careful to lead a blameless life--
when will you come to me?
All that month it seems, I was praying that prayer and at one point I mentioned it to my pastor. He thought it was because of youth group. Little did he know, I was praying about my future and my career. I remember this summer when he told me to be in prayer for the youth group. I was kinda upset about that because I was being stubborn for one and didn't understand what prayer would do for any of us. As Joyce Meyer says, patience is the ability to keep a good attitude while you wait. Obviously I didn't have a good attitude at that point. Ever since I wrote on Facebook about worrying and prayer, I feel like such a prayer warrior. That's all I want to do. I'm a behind the scenes type of person, and prayer to me, is behind the scenes because you never know really who's doing it and some don't know that it may be you who is praying for you. I hope that made sense.
Oh one more thing about Ancient Words. My fellow "worship team members" as I'll call them, would think I'm crazy right now. Why? Because I'm still listening to the song. I love it and can't get enough of it.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
You're a Christian? That's really cool!
Someone actually said this to me yesterday. I was actually rather surprised by it too because that's not usually the reaction I get.On the left is my newer cross that I wear all the time.
I should probably explain where I was yesterday, shouldn't I? Yesterday was Homecoming at my school and if you know me pretty well, you know I'm in band and play the piccolo in marching band. We marched in a parade last night and afterwards they fed us dinner. I was sitting with a group of what I'm going to call underclassmen, but hey they're all cool people. Well there were two other seniors with me too, but that's irrelevant. A few people were joking around and one of them started quoting a song by John Reuben. I asked if that's who it was and they said yes. Then we started talking about Toby Mac.
I got up to throw away some garbage and when I came back, one of the girls noticed my cross and said, "You're a Christian? That's really cool! I tried, but I swear too much." Swearing was part of another conversation because we're not allowed to swear in uniform, it makes us look bad according to our band director, and he's right. I don't think anyone actually does listen to that because I hear a ton of people swear in uniform all the time. I try to hold my tongue.
As I said before, I've never gotten such a reaction from my cross before. And my friend even mentioned to me that she's jealous of me. Excuse me? What? Why are you jealous of me? What do I have? She said a few months ago when I had my blog posted on my Facebook status, she went and read some stuff and she's jealous of how close I am to God. I'm not taking this to my head trust me and I'll probably talk about that in my next blog, but I was just really surprised by these conversations yesterday. And sometimes I don't feel that close to God. But I know He'll never leave me. I don't know what to say about why I'm so close to God. I guess I just want the relationship. I want to be loved. And I'm not the type of girl to go out with a ton of boys, sleeping with them just to feel the warmth of love. I'm above that because I know I have God.
Also, just because you swear doesn't mean you can't be a Christian. Swearing is a bad habit. I know this because I sometimes struggle with it. It slips out when I get angry. Anger has two types: the sinning type and the non-sinning type. When I get angry at inanimate or material objects such as my laptop or homework, and I swear, I'm sinning. Swearing is a sin. But God forgives.
There was a time in my life when even though I had been saved, I still swore and it was bad. I did all kinds of bad things. I guess I wasn't ready to commit back then. These days I try to hold my tongue a lot more. I don't swear at school or church or really anywhere unless I get really angry. And you know I always have the habit of apologizing after I swear especially if it's a slip because I don't want to live with that sin in my life as little as it seems to be.
Oh sure, swearing might seem to be a very small sin, but it's just as bad as any sin. Oh you think murder is bad? Try this, sin is bad. I'm not sure different sins have different levels. I just know it's sin and you shouldn't sin, but no person was created perfect. Only God is perfect. We all have our falls, but God is great and He will forgive us because He loves us.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
The call
If you know anything about me, you would know that I have struggled with confidence and self-esteem before. I don't say that I struggle with these as much anymore because a few months ago I actually looked up the definitions and saw that no, I don't think I have the problem anymore.
Now as much as I'm trying to follow Christ, I have a lot of problems with confidence in my spiritual life. That I know of, I've never really felt the call to do something. I know God has a plan for me and I also know I've asked several times for Him to reveal that plan, but I've never really felt the call for anything. Basically I'm not an overly confident person spiritually. I'm actually really freaked out that I'll go into the wrong thing, so that's why I've really been waiting and asking about the plan.
On Sunday night, I don't know what lead me to do this, but after saying prayers for my friends and family (I have to do it that way; no way can I just be totally selfish and pray for myself first, it just doesn't happen that way for me) I asked God as I have recently been doing to reveal His plan to me. But the one thing I said differently was to reveal the plan when I was ready to hear it.
Well yesterday morning, I woke up and I'm not sure if it was the book I've been reading, but I really sensed the call to teach. Teach what? I have no idea, but for the last two days, I've felt like that's what I'm supposed to do.
So, I don't know what I'm going to be teaching yet, I'm a senior, no big deal to me at least. My first few years of college will be general education anyways. There are a million teaching jobs out there. Last year I started to really thinking about going into teaching English class, yeah, that one doesn't sound so interesting anymore with the boring English teacher I have. Oh, did I mention my mom had her for tenth grade and so did one of my other aunts?
You know I've also thought about going into youth ministry before. That's a teaching job right? But if I were to go into this career, like everyone tells me, it must be a call. I know it has to be. I'm not sure if it's all the influence I've had from other youth pastors and leaders that has me on this. I actually don't think about becoming a youth pastor that much anymore. If that's what God wants me to do, then I'll do it. Kinda sorta freaks me out though going into this ministry. I'm not sure why. I think I've mentioned before that one of my highest ranked spiritual gifts is pastor/shepherding. I'm not sure what that means. No I know what it means, but wait...it's teaching too I think I'll say.
Ok before I start to really freak myself out at the idea of becoming a youth pastor (I'm still not really sure why it freaks me out; maybe it's because I don't think I could do all the classes that some of my friends have gone through), I don't know what my exact call is right now; I'm happy with what I've gotten right now and I have faith in God, and as much as we all hate the patience game God likes to play with us, I think I can wait until I'm ready to hear the next step.
God's plans for us go on and on. I don't think we'll ever be completely ready to hear it. We're not perfect. How can we be completely ready for anything?
You know any career plan right now really freaks me out. It's probably because I'm a freshman in a seniors body. That's how I feel. I don't feel ready to leave high school yet. I wish I could go back to my freshmen year. I'm scared!
And as Krystal Meyers sings: It's in God's hands. I trust God though I don't understand.
- Self-Confidence: faith in one's own judgment, ability, etc.
- Self-Esteem: self-respect
Now as much as I'm trying to follow Christ, I have a lot of problems with confidence in my spiritual life. That I know of, I've never really felt the call to do something. I know God has a plan for me and I also know I've asked several times for Him to reveal that plan, but I've never really felt the call for anything. Basically I'm not an overly confident person spiritually. I'm actually really freaked out that I'll go into the wrong thing, so that's why I've really been waiting and asking about the plan.
On Sunday night, I don't know what lead me to do this, but after saying prayers for my friends and family (I have to do it that way; no way can I just be totally selfish and pray for myself first, it just doesn't happen that way for me) I asked God as I have recently been doing to reveal His plan to me. But the one thing I said differently was to reveal the plan when I was ready to hear it.
Well yesterday morning, I woke up and I'm not sure if it was the book I've been reading, but I really sensed the call to teach. Teach what? I have no idea, but for the last two days, I've felt like that's what I'm supposed to do.
So, I don't know what I'm going to be teaching yet, I'm a senior, no big deal to me at least. My first few years of college will be general education anyways. There are a million teaching jobs out there. Last year I started to really thinking about going into teaching English class, yeah, that one doesn't sound so interesting anymore with the boring English teacher I have. Oh, did I mention my mom had her for tenth grade and so did one of my other aunts?
You know I've also thought about going into youth ministry before. That's a teaching job right? But if I were to go into this career, like everyone tells me, it must be a call. I know it has to be. I'm not sure if it's all the influence I've had from other youth pastors and leaders that has me on this. I actually don't think about becoming a youth pastor that much anymore. If that's what God wants me to do, then I'll do it. Kinda sorta freaks me out though going into this ministry. I'm not sure why. I think I've mentioned before that one of my highest ranked spiritual gifts is pastor/shepherding. I'm not sure what that means. No I know what it means, but wait...it's teaching too I think I'll say.
Ok before I start to really freak myself out at the idea of becoming a youth pastor (I'm still not really sure why it freaks me out; maybe it's because I don't think I could do all the classes that some of my friends have gone through), I don't know what my exact call is right now; I'm happy with what I've gotten right now and I have faith in God, and as much as we all hate the patience game God likes to play with us, I think I can wait until I'm ready to hear the next step.
God's plans for us go on and on. I don't think we'll ever be completely ready to hear it. We're not perfect. How can we be completely ready for anything?
You know any career plan right now really freaks me out. It's probably because I'm a freshman in a seniors body. That's how I feel. I don't feel ready to leave high school yet. I wish I could go back to my freshmen year. I'm scared!
And as Krystal Meyers sings: It's in God's hands. I trust God though I don't understand.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The reason I'm here
listen through the darkness
And I know that I’m not alone
And I feel You all around me
But every time I call
All I hear is my own echo
Your silence says it all
I’m restless but I will not fight
I’ll, oh…
Let go
It’s in Your hands
It’s in Your hands
I trust You though I don’t understand
It’s in Your hands
It’s in Your hands
I’ll close my eyes and fall into plan
Plan, plan, plan, plan, plan
I trust You ‘cause it’s all in Your hands
As time slips through my fingers
I slow down and breathe you in
There’s a peace that washes over me
And I’m not afraid at all
Of things I cannot see
Nor understand
‘Cause faith is blind
And I’ll go on another night
‘Cause I know...
(It’s in Your hands)
Maybe one day
This will make sense
But until then
I'm trusting You
I'm confused
But You'll come through
You always do
I've waited so long
To see my sun on
The horizon
Feel it coming on
And I'm seeing You
And I know that I’m not alone
And I feel You all around me
But every time I call
All I hear is my own echo
Your silence says it all
I’m restless but I will not fight
I’ll, oh…
Let go
It’s in Your hands
It’s in Your hands
I trust You though I don’t understand
It’s in Your hands
It’s in Your hands
I’ll close my eyes and fall into plan
Plan, plan, plan, plan, plan
I trust You ‘cause it’s all in Your hands
As time slips through my fingers
I slow down and breathe you in
There’s a peace that washes over me
And I’m not afraid at all
Of things I cannot see
Nor understand
‘Cause faith is blind
And I’ll go on another night
‘Cause I know...
(It’s in Your hands)
Maybe one day
This will make sense
But until then
I'm trusting You
I'm confused
But You'll come through
You always do
I've waited so long
To see my sun on
The horizon
Feel it coming on
And I'm seeing You
This song is the reason I'm blogging right now. It's In Your Hands by Krystal Meyers.
I'm kinda weird with how I find new music. My dad has a subscription to Rhapsody, which my whole family uses. When I'm on Rhapsody, most of the time, I start with some band I'm familiar with such as Relient K. I go look at the bands that are similar to them and usually start finding newer and newer bands to listen to. How do I just pick songs? Whatever sounds interesting to me is worth a try.
This song came up a few weeks ago. And come to think of it I only just started listening to Krystal Meyers over the summer.
Recently I've been having difficulties with life in general I could say. With youth group and stuff that comes with being a senior in high school, I've been kinda stressed. This song reminds me that it's not in my hands, but in God's hands. Everything is in God's hands.
I guess we could also say I've been having trouble trusting God lately. So a few weeks ago, as I was praying before bed, I felt like screaming kinda. I wasn't happy with myself. When I pray, I always say "God, please help me figure out what You want me to do in this life." It really bothers me now that I say that. I was annoyed a few weeks ago and justabout shouted out loud what I really desired. It was about the middle of the night, so I didn't exactly shout it out loud, but rather in my mind and I was actually kinda saying it out loud, just not yelling it. I said, "God, please reveal Yourself to me when the time is right. I'm tired of all this. It's in Your hands now, not mine. I trust You even though I don't understand. Please reveal Yourself." That's basically the gist of what I said. And this was after listening to the song and really listening, not just "fake" listening while doing something else; I was really thinking about the lyrics.
Just recently obviously I'm getting back into the blogging scene. I took a break last year for the first time in a while. I first started blogging on Xanga when I was in 8th grade. Then moved to Battlecry in 9th grade. Now I'm on here because no one is on Battlecry anymore really and I'm kinda starting fresh with a different blog. Last year was just a stressful year and I never got any time to work on blogs and stuff. Plus I just wasn't on fire like I wished I was.
I got an email today called Children of the Burning Hearts. It's the church devotional I get.
They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?" Luke 24:32
"To have found God and still to pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love, scorned indeed by the too-easily-satisfied religionist, but justified in happy experience by the children of the burning heart." (A.W. Tozer's The Pursuit of God)
So the question is: would you describe your relationship with God as one of "the burning heart?" And if not, what are you willing to do about it? Are you willing to ask God and keep asking until He brings such a condition in your life?
So the question is: would you describe your relationship with God as one of "the burning heart?" And if not, what are you willing to do about it? Are you willing to ask God and keep asking until He brings such a condition in your life?
I liked this devotion. Like I said above, I wasn't feeling on fire a lot last year. Today I'm feeling much more on fire. I feel like my burning heart just got more fuel to burn.
You know just the other day I was reading a friend's status and it said: "God is in control-I teach it and now I have to live it." I thought it was so relative to trusting God and a youth pastor's video I watched about getting God's Word to be "sticky" in our, the youth's, minds.
It is true; God is in control and we may not understand everything He's doing, but we have to trust in Him because He knows what He's doing. He created everything, so yes, He does know what He's doing even when we think He may be wrong. Not listening to Him will just take you down a bumpy road you don't need to go down.
Yes, I read youth pastor's blogs. I can't help it. I love to hear what they have to say. My church doesn't have a youth pastor right now because we can't afford it. I'll be an adult in almost exactly a month. Youth group is a big part of my life. I love learning about God with my friends (if they're even listening, I don't know if they are sometimes) and I enjoy the fellowship of it. But I read these blogs because I love getting new ideas for our youth pastorless youth group to try. One idea that we had that I got from a blog was the game Toilet paper dodgeball. Oh my word, we had so much fun with that.
The last youth pastor video I watched had 3 ideas for making God's Word "sticky." One of them catches my attention with this one friend of mine. It's #2: It must be real for you first. So true. Ok this coming from me is a teen's perspective. I don't think it's right for youth pastor's or pastor's in general to be hypocrites. Don't teach us something and go do the complete opposite. That's just dumb. If you say God is in control, then live it, don't just preach it.
And no, I'm not trying to sound mean. I just thought the status my friend had was interesting. Actually he's not just my friend, he used to be my youth pastor. And actually, his status had something to do with the song too. I was telling him about that a few days ago. But enough of my talking.
Fruits of the Spirit
So the last few weeks, we've talked about etiquette as I've been saying in youth group. Did I mention the verse that was the main theme of the lessons? I don't know if I did or not, but it was Galatians 5:22-23. Better known to some of us as the Fruits of the Spirit.
Last week, I was really thinking about writing this blog about the fruits, but I didn't get to it, and ironically enough while I was thinking about it, God was working on someone's heart to mention it because one of the blogs I read has a Fruits of the Spirit series that she's doing. I think that's really cool.
I might have mentioned this before too, but our senior pastor wanted us to memorize that verse above and if we did, we would get a prize. If you know anything about me, you know I hate memorizing and especially Bible verses if I'm being bribed. I want to do something because I want to, not because I have to. Also if you know me, I play piccolo in my high school's marching band where we have to memorize all our music or else we get yelled at sometimes. Also I'm taking college prep English this year, so I have about 60 some roots memorized now. Something I don't exactly want to do, but probably should.
Anyways, I got kinda bored a few weeks ago, and remembering my webcam, I decided to make a video. My best friend had said that she had watched some of my videos recently and it made her miss me and everyone. She's at college about 3 hours or so from our town. I made a few funny videos, but then decided to try something.
Long story short, I made a video about the Fruits of the Spirit. I did it to prove to myself that I could do it and that I didn't need a prize. I hate getting bribed in youth group. Our senior pastor told me to just do it and I said make me because I really didn't want to. Needless to say, I still have the verse memorized and I've changed my mind about the whole memorizing thing. Anywho here's my video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDz_EOJ7qJY
I emailed it to my pastor who asked me if he could show it at youth group. I wasn't going to be there because I had marching band priorities. I got some comments on it. My idea was to make people laugh, which I think I did. But what I didn't plan on was making a big impact in my youth group. It's been maybe 2 or 3 weeks since they showed it and I've still got friends of mine talking about it. Self-control! Watch the video and you'll understand that part.
I'm thinking my next mission is to memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
You know thinking about top priorities and how memorizing Bible verses is not really a top one for me, I've got a few questions. But they're not my questions. My pastor's English teacher cousin emailed this to him and he emailed it to the youth group, but I thought it was interesting.
Last week, I was really thinking about writing this blog about the fruits, but I didn't get to it, and ironically enough while I was thinking about it, God was working on someone's heart to mention it because one of the blogs I read has a Fruits of the Spirit series that she's doing. I think that's really cool.
I might have mentioned this before too, but our senior pastor wanted us to memorize that verse above and if we did, we would get a prize. If you know anything about me, you know I hate memorizing and especially Bible verses if I'm being bribed. I want to do something because I want to, not because I have to. Also if you know me, I play piccolo in my high school's marching band where we have to memorize all our music or else we get yelled at sometimes. Also I'm taking college prep English this year, so I have about 60 some roots memorized now. Something I don't exactly want to do, but probably should.
Anyways, I got kinda bored a few weeks ago, and remembering my webcam, I decided to make a video. My best friend had said that she had watched some of my videos recently and it made her miss me and everyone. She's at college about 3 hours or so from our town. I made a few funny videos, but then decided to try something.
Long story short, I made a video about the Fruits of the Spirit. I did it to prove to myself that I could do it and that I didn't need a prize. I hate getting bribed in youth group. Our senior pastor told me to just do it and I said make me because I really didn't want to. Needless to say, I still have the verse memorized and I've changed my mind about the whole memorizing thing. Anywho here's my video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDz_EOJ7qJY
I emailed it to my pastor who asked me if he could show it at youth group. I wasn't going to be there because I had marching band priorities. I got some comments on it. My idea was to make people laugh, which I think I did. But what I didn't plan on was making a big impact in my youth group. It's been maybe 2 or 3 weeks since they showed it and I've still got friends of mine talking about it. Self-control! Watch the video and you'll understand that part.
I'm thinking my next mission is to memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
You know thinking about top priorities and how memorizing Bible verses is not really a top one for me, I've got a few questions. But they're not my questions. My pastor's English teacher cousin emailed this to him and he emailed it to the youth group, but I thought it was interesting.
Cell phone vs. Bible
Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?
What if we used it when we traveled?
What if we used it in case of emergency?
This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible?
Oh, and one more thing.
Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible
being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.
Where are YOUR priorities?
What if we carried our Bible in our pocket or purse? You know, I have a few pocket Bibles and I
think it would be pretty funny if I had it in my pocket and it started beeping. My teachers have a
rule where if it's heard, you have to give it up and can't get it back til the end of the day at the
office. Can you imagine the look on their faces when I pull out a Bible instead of a phone. They
would probably think I'm crazy or something.
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it? I actually did that on Sunday. I can't stand going to
church without it. I got out to my car, turned it on, was looking at something, and realized that I didn't
have it, so I ran back in to get it.
What if we gave it as a gift to kids? Well I thought we already did that. I know I got my Bibles all as
gifts when I was a kid.
Where is my Bible? It's actually sitting on my bed unzipped because I was looking for something in it
a few minutes ago. Where is your Bible?
Sunday, October 5, 2008
100 years
No, I'm not 100 today. My church isn't 100 either; however, it is 13 years old this year. Meanwhile, our "mother" church as I'll call it, just celebrated their 75th anniversary. So I guess they're almost there. But no, today is the Nazarene denomination's 100th year in existence. Happy 100th Nazarene church!
Church was a blur. Or at least, the sermon was a blur. I don't remember what he was talking about because it seemed to happen so fast. The sermon was called God's Unique Calling to Our Congregation--Finding the Ancient Paths. The first part of that name isn't surprising to me to see because that's what our pastor has been talking about the last couple of weeks. It has had to do a lot with our mission statement: growing, serving, reaching together as followers of Jesus Christ.
I remember the pastor talking about 4 R's, and he didn't mean for them all to start with R, but I don't remember what they were. I do know that he was talking about Dr. Bresee's first sermon. He was the founding pastor of the Church of the Nazarene in case you were wondering. And I also know that this sermon went somewhere else completely than what the pastor had intended. I just don't remember all that it was about.
One thing that caught my attention was when he was talking about religion and relationship and something to pertaining to rules. On an application I have on Facebook called Pieces of Flair, I see the phrase "it's not a religion; it's a relationship" an awful lot. I might get in trouble for saying this, but sometimes I find that people get so hyped up in the church world, that they forget about why they're going to church. They forget the point of it. It's God's house people. We go there to worship and enjoy some fellowship time, not go to alternative worlds. I like that this is a relationship that I'm in and not just a religion. In a newspaper report of the Church of the Nazarene's Founding Pastor, Dr. Bresee's first sermon, it said this:
"Anything new in religion is false, and yet evertying in salvation is marvelously new to him who finds it...Luther and Wesley preached no new truths or doctrine...The modern method of educating me into salvation by refined influences and good environment is insufficient in its results. Conversion and sanctification must be experienced."
During the summer, I was struggling with religion vs. relationship. I knew and still know that it's a relationship I crave for, not just religion. You can't just go to church and expect to have a ticket into Heaven. It doesn't work that way, much like a couple of my Catholic aunts believe. You have to have a relationship or else, what is the point of even going?
Today's sermon scripture was Jeremiah 6:16, Dr. Bresee's test for the first sermon. It says this:
"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."
Can you imagine yourself in this verse? Imagine walking along a path when you come to a fork or split of paths in the path. You don't know which to choose. You don't want to go the wrong way, so you must ask God which is the better way to go. You find out and go the longer, more pleasant, less scary route. That's how I would imagine it.
How is God calling you to walk the ancient paths in your life today?
You know it's kinda ironic that we had this verse today. Today in my town, we had our annual CROP walk to raise money to send to other countries. There are plenty of signs telling you where to go, so you should know where you're going. There is a path you're walking down and if you don't know where to go next look for the signs that tell you where to go, much like I described up above in my description of the path I imagine walking.
Today we are sent out by a God who is making us to be like Him.
Church was a blur. Or at least, the sermon was a blur. I don't remember what he was talking about because it seemed to happen so fast. The sermon was called God's Unique Calling to Our Congregation--Finding the Ancient Paths. The first part of that name isn't surprising to me to see because that's what our pastor has been talking about the last couple of weeks. It has had to do a lot with our mission statement: growing, serving, reaching together as followers of Jesus Christ.
I remember the pastor talking about 4 R's, and he didn't mean for them all to start with R, but I don't remember what they were. I do know that he was talking about Dr. Bresee's first sermon. He was the founding pastor of the Church of the Nazarene in case you were wondering. And I also know that this sermon went somewhere else completely than what the pastor had intended. I just don't remember all that it was about.
One thing that caught my attention was when he was talking about religion and relationship and something to pertaining to rules. On an application I have on Facebook called Pieces of Flair, I see the phrase "it's not a religion; it's a relationship" an awful lot. I might get in trouble for saying this, but sometimes I find that people get so hyped up in the church world, that they forget about why they're going to church. They forget the point of it. It's God's house people. We go there to worship and enjoy some fellowship time, not go to alternative worlds. I like that this is a relationship that I'm in and not just a religion. In a newspaper report of the Church of the Nazarene's Founding Pastor, Dr. Bresee's first sermon, it said this:
"Anything new in religion is false, and yet evertying in salvation is marvelously new to him who finds it...Luther and Wesley preached no new truths or doctrine...The modern method of educating me into salvation by refined influences and good environment is insufficient in its results. Conversion and sanctification must be experienced."
During the summer, I was struggling with religion vs. relationship. I knew and still know that it's a relationship I crave for, not just religion. You can't just go to church and expect to have a ticket into Heaven. It doesn't work that way, much like a couple of my Catholic aunts believe. You have to have a relationship or else, what is the point of even going?
Today's sermon scripture was Jeremiah 6:16, Dr. Bresee's test for the first sermon. It says this:
"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."
Can you imagine yourself in this verse? Imagine walking along a path when you come to a fork or split of paths in the path. You don't know which to choose. You don't want to go the wrong way, so you must ask God which is the better way to go. You find out and go the longer, more pleasant, less scary route. That's how I would imagine it.
How is God calling you to walk the ancient paths in your life today?
You know it's kinda ironic that we had this verse today. Today in my town, we had our annual CROP walk to raise money to send to other countries. There are plenty of signs telling you where to go, so you should know where you're going. There is a path you're walking down and if you don't know where to go next look for the signs that tell you where to go, much like I described up above in my description of the path I imagine walking.
Today we are sent out by a God who is making us to be like Him.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Layers like an onion
This is probably another one of those really pointless blog posts, really there might be no point to it at all, but I digress.
I had to get up early this morning to go to market, ugh. I hate getting up early on Saturday mornings. It's because I'm a teenager and like to sleep. It's fall and it's getting to be really cold. So as I was getting ready, I was really layering on the clothes. I blame band on that. I know how to layer because I'm in a marching band in Michigan. Yeah it gets cold here, but not as cold as it does up up north in the upper peninsula. So I layered this morning and as I was walking up there, I was thinking about Shrek.
Ogres are like onions. They have lots of layers. Today, I was green, like Shrek and had on lots of layers. I'm like an onion. I had layers.
But you know in a way, we all have layers. I don't think Shrek was talking about layers of clothing when he was getting aggravated by Donkey's constant questions and comments on the way to Lord Farquaad's castle.
Shrek was talking about how he, as an ogre, has layers. I think what Shrek was trying to tell Donkey was that ogres have certain attitudes, views, and personalities.
Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes. No.
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
Shrek: NO. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
[sighs]
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions.
Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, your afraid of your own feelings.
Shrek: Go away
Donkey: There you are doing it again, just like you did to Fiona, all she ever did was like you maybe even love you
We, as people, are much like ogres, don't you think. Not only do we layer our clothes, have layers of skin, but we also have different attitudes, views, and personalities that are sometimes shed. At the beginning, you see Shrek as a really mean, ugly ogre. But as time passes through the movie, you start to see a different side of Shrek. His mean side has shed and he has become a much nicer person, er, ogre.
Layers also remind me of a commercial. Have you seen the Above the Influence commercials? There's one in particular about a guy who has layers upon layers of shirts on at the beginning, but as the commercial progresses, he starts taking off those layers because he's tired of it. Here's the commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-MdkKMfS4k
Today, I'm shedding layers. Not just my clothes, but my attitudes have changed over recent years. Three songs come to mind in this one. Honestly, my life is full of music; I can apply a song to almost anything. That's kinda weird I know, but that's me for ya.
1. I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath
2. Finding Who We Are by Kutless
3. When I'm Alone by Nevertheless
I'm not going to put the lyrics on here because this blog is long enough as it is, so instead I'm going to explain the songs and how they apply (always a good thing). By the by, I think you should definitely check these songs out because they've got some really good messages in them.
The first song is really one of my theme songs personally. I love it. It basically says some things I wish I could say to some people that have left my life. I once heard Brandon talking about this song. He found some old stuff and wishes that he could apologize to certain people. This song is basically a story he tells. I feel the same way. There are things in my life I certainly regret and feel bad about. I used to be so mean, but I've finally shed that layer.
Currently, I'm actually learning how to play Finding Who We Are on piano. I love it. It's a great song. What this song says to me is that we're living and moving in God's world. Not only that, but we're also finding who we are in Him. We're shedding layers and becoming more like God. Do you see Jesus in your mirror when you look at it?
The last song is one of the most recent songs I've started listening to. I believe the singer is trying to, like the song says, to find out who he is. There's no one around him. It reminds me of my best friend and I. She just went to college this year, so I'm not all alone, but sometimes I feel like I am. I don't think I'm that good of a leader and most of the time I follow others around. Now I'm just trying to find out who I am on my own.
So basically, I'm not who I was a few years ago, but I'm finding who I am in God, and in all this, I'm trying to find out who I am without help except from God. If that makes sense to you.
Wow, this blog really turned around. I love it when that happens.
I had to get up early this morning to go to market, ugh. I hate getting up early on Saturday mornings. It's because I'm a teenager and like to sleep. It's fall and it's getting to be really cold. So as I was getting ready, I was really layering on the clothes. I blame band on that. I know how to layer because I'm in a marching band in Michigan. Yeah it gets cold here, but not as cold as it does up up north in the upper peninsula. So I layered this morning and as I was walking up there, I was thinking about Shrek.
Ogres are like onions. They have lots of layers. Today, I was green, like Shrek and had on lots of layers. I'm like an onion. I had layers.
But you know in a way, we all have layers. I don't think Shrek was talking about layers of clothing when he was getting aggravated by Donkey's constant questions and comments on the way to Lord Farquaad's castle.
Shrek was talking about how he, as an ogre, has layers. I think what Shrek was trying to tell Donkey was that ogres have certain attitudes, views, and personalities.
Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes. No.
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
Shrek: NO. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
[sighs]
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions.
Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, your afraid of your own feelings.
Shrek: Go away
Donkey: There you are doing it again, just like you did to Fiona, all she ever did was like you maybe even love you
We, as people, are much like ogres, don't you think. Not only do we layer our clothes, have layers of skin, but we also have different attitudes, views, and personalities that are sometimes shed. At the beginning, you see Shrek as a really mean, ugly ogre. But as time passes through the movie, you start to see a different side of Shrek. His mean side has shed and he has become a much nicer person, er, ogre.
Layers also remind me of a commercial. Have you seen the Above the Influence commercials? There's one in particular about a guy who has layers upon layers of shirts on at the beginning, but as the commercial progresses, he starts taking off those layers because he's tired of it. Here's the commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-MdkKMfS4k
Today, I'm shedding layers. Not just my clothes, but my attitudes have changed over recent years. Three songs come to mind in this one. Honestly, my life is full of music; I can apply a song to almost anything. That's kinda weird I know, but that's me for ya.
1. I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath
2. Finding Who We Are by Kutless
3. When I'm Alone by Nevertheless
I'm not going to put the lyrics on here because this blog is long enough as it is, so instead I'm going to explain the songs and how they apply (always a good thing). By the by, I think you should definitely check these songs out because they've got some really good messages in them.
The first song is really one of my theme songs personally. I love it. It basically says some things I wish I could say to some people that have left my life. I once heard Brandon talking about this song. He found some old stuff and wishes that he could apologize to certain people. This song is basically a story he tells. I feel the same way. There are things in my life I certainly regret and feel bad about. I used to be so mean, but I've finally shed that layer.
Currently, I'm actually learning how to play Finding Who We Are on piano. I love it. It's a great song. What this song says to me is that we're living and moving in God's world. Not only that, but we're also finding who we are in Him. We're shedding layers and becoming more like God. Do you see Jesus in your mirror when you look at it?
The last song is one of the most recent songs I've started listening to. I believe the singer is trying to, like the song says, to find out who he is. There's no one around him. It reminds me of my best friend and I. She just went to college this year, so I'm not all alone, but sometimes I feel like I am. I don't think I'm that good of a leader and most of the time I follow others around. Now I'm just trying to find out who I am on my own.
So basically, I'm not who I was a few years ago, but I'm finding who I am in God, and in all this, I'm trying to find out who I am without help except from God. If that makes sense to you.
Wow, this blog really turned around. I love it when that happens.
Friday, October 3, 2008
For the love of the blog
You know how some people say "for the love of the game." Such as they play baseball for the love of the game. Or they watch baseball for the love of the game. That's how I feel about blogging. The problem I have is that I could go on and on for days writing. I just love to write. It's one of my favorite things to do. I currently don't know how long this blog post will go. I'm sorry I write such long blogs and I understand if you want to just skim it. I sometimes get off subject, but blogging is one of my favorite things to do. I actually kinda don't even know where I'm going with this one yet. Perhaps we'll find out.
Besides writing, I like to get people to think. That could be another reason, most of my blogs are so long. You know sometimes I wonder if I'm wiser beyond my years. To me this means that I'm a wise old person in a young person's body. That's an interesting thought. I guess it's how God created me to be and I'm thankful for this gift of wiseness even if it's not a dominant spiritual gift.
I think I'm thinking out loud in this one. Just trying to figure out things. You know, looking through my Truth Journal, I've realized that I take certain things to heart. A few months ago at the beginning of summer, I think it was, I emailed my pastor to tell him that I just didn't feel like going to church lately. His reply was that we, as Christians, all go through seasons. Times when we feel like we're not growing. Times when we don't want to go to church. Maybe it was because I saved the email that I was able to use it later in the summer when someone asked my opinion on something when they were doubting something. We have seasons of doubt too. Or it could have been because I took it to heart.
Maybe that's why I'm such a slow reader. I look for the littlest details. While it took most of my friends a week to finish the last Harry Potter book, it took me about a month to do so.
I don't just want to get others to think really deeply, I want to impact my youth group. I want them to think deeper than they ever have. I have one problem though. Most of them don't want to think deep about stuff.
Oh face it. I've always been different. I'm such a thinker. I just love to think.
This probably isn't true. How can it be that I got saved as a teenager while my friends did it as kids and yet I feel like I'm the only one that's living in the real world?
And now I've started thinking a little too hard, and I'm starting to confuse myself, so I'm going to stop now before I lose it.
I hope this blog wasn't too long much like my other ones. But then again, this one really doesn't have a point to it that I know of at this moment. So why am I writing it? I have no idea whatsoever.
Besides writing, I like to get people to think. That could be another reason, most of my blogs are so long. You know sometimes I wonder if I'm wiser beyond my years. To me this means that I'm a wise old person in a young person's body. That's an interesting thought. I guess it's how God created me to be and I'm thankful for this gift of wiseness even if it's not a dominant spiritual gift.
I think I'm thinking out loud in this one. Just trying to figure out things. You know, looking through my Truth Journal, I've realized that I take certain things to heart. A few months ago at the beginning of summer, I think it was, I emailed my pastor to tell him that I just didn't feel like going to church lately. His reply was that we, as Christians, all go through seasons. Times when we feel like we're not growing. Times when we don't want to go to church. Maybe it was because I saved the email that I was able to use it later in the summer when someone asked my opinion on something when they were doubting something. We have seasons of doubt too. Or it could have been because I took it to heart.
Maybe that's why I'm such a slow reader. I look for the littlest details. While it took most of my friends a week to finish the last Harry Potter book, it took me about a month to do so.
I don't just want to get others to think really deeply, I want to impact my youth group. I want them to think deeper than they ever have. I have one problem though. Most of them don't want to think deep about stuff.
Oh face it. I've always been different. I'm such a thinker. I just love to think.
This probably isn't true. How can it be that I got saved as a teenager while my friends did it as kids and yet I feel like I'm the only one that's living in the real world?
And now I've started thinking a little too hard, and I'm starting to confuse myself, so I'm going to stop now before I lose it.
I hope this blog wasn't too long much like my other ones. But then again, this one really doesn't have a point to it that I know of at this moment. So why am I writing it? I have no idea whatsoever.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I kissed dating goodbye...in high school
Dating. One thing I hate talking about in youth group.
The last couple of weeks we've been talking about etiquette and I finally found out why we were talking about it tonight. I'll try not to complain too much about this reason though. The reason is our leader thinks we need to know this stuff as it will apply to our lives in the near future. I don't actually feel like complaining about it right now. Like most things in youth group, not everything is all about the Bible I guess, so I guess I'm ok with this answer.
Anyways, back to dating. It's an awkward conversation to have at youth group especially if your youth leader is a few decades older than you. Just remember this opinion is coming from a teenage mind, it's not fully developed yet and thus I think differently than adults. I'm kinda actually tired of talking about the differences of girls and boys. We all know boys are really physical and girls are the emotional type. It's just how our brains differ. I think the reason I don't want to talk about dating within my youth group anymore because of the book we read a few months ago called For Young Women Only. That book just made me so incredibly mad at certain points, so I just stopped reading it and stopped going to Sunday school for that amount of time.
Somewhere among our conversations of what women want and courtship, there was the idea brought up that you don't have to date. Well, it's true, if you don't want to, you don't have to. Have you ever read I Kissed Dating Goodbye? I haven't, but I've heard it's pretty good. I have a story to tell.
About three years ago, I was really struggling with some friends who were dating and not really having a good time as a freshman in high school. I felt like a third wheel around them all the time. My mom told me that I shouldn't date in high school because it's too much work. So I decided after all the friendship problems I had with my friends because of their relationship that I would give up dating in high school.
I kissed dating goodbye in high school. I promised God and myself that I wouldn't start dating until after high school. Now I've actually really struggled with this. So many times I want to say God, I can't do it anymore and I just want to break the promises. I break a lot of promises, usually they're small silly promises to my friends like letting them walk a puppy I'm watching. Not good I know, but I also know that this promise I made to God, He won't let me break it as easily as promises to my friends, if at all.
I've had my crushes on guys. Who hasn't had a crush on someone? That's probably what I struggle with the most. As for getting asked out or asking someone out, I'm really a traditionalist and I don't like asking people out. I'd rather have the guy ask me out. Weird, I know. We live in the 21st Century for crying out loud. I've never been asked to go to a dance or asked to go on a date or had my first kiss.
One of the newer girls in my youth group, a freshman, couldn't believe that I have never dated before or kissed a guy. She couldn't even believe that no guys have asked me out. She just kept asking me things. It doesn't bother me that she was asking me all this stuff. It also doesn't bother me that I haven't been out on a date. High school guys are pretty immature and my old youth pastor always told us that high school relationships rarely work out.
Maybe I'm not ready to date yet. I keep telling myself that one day God is going to throw someone in my path. And perhaps I'll be ready then.
I was on Blogger earlier looking at some stuff. I read my Bible verse of the day and didn't think much of it at all. I didn't start thinking about it until just now after youth group. As I was getting ready to write this blog, I realized just how applicable this one is to my life right now. I love it when God does this!
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18
Before youth group started, we were all in the sanctuary talking. One of our newest members of the group came in, and the same freshman girl who couldn't believe my dating free high school experience, started complaining and calling him a jerk and stuff right in front of his face. I had no idea this boy was joining our youth group, but I'm really glad he is.
One thing you have to know about this freshman girl is that she is also new. She started coming last year and even went with us to Sun Valley Indian School last year. Not only do I mean she's pretty new to our group, but she hasn't really grown up with God in her life. I remember last year on the plane coming home from Arizona, she was asking my aunt a lot of questions about God that she thought my aunt would be upset about, but my aunt loves answering these types of questions.
This girl reminds me so much of how I used to be. I used to hate a lot of people. I remember when I was a freshmen telling my newest friend of all the people I hated in our grade. She didn't really understand. I think I was being a tad bit prejudice. I was immature back then. I used to complain a lot more than I do now. I used to call people mean names all the time.
I'm hoping that if this girl hangs out with our youth group, she'll see how we treat each other and follow. We all should be loving with actions, not words because love is not just a word, it's a verb.
In a way, this girl reminds me of a little kid or young animal. She sees someone acting a certain way and follows it. Actually it does make a lot of sense to say this. She is like a newborn or child. She doesn't know about God as much as some of us do.
Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation. 1 Peter 2:3
I used this verse a while back while talking to my old youth pastor about youth group problems I was having. I used it as in I'm craving spiritual milk. He said I'm way past the newborn stage. He tells the truth. What I crave is pure spiritual solid foods. Perhaps if this girl keeps coming and keeps learning, she'll also begin to crave this pure spiritual milk, that will eventually turn into pure spiritual solid food.
And speaking of young animals. We have a new kitten in our house and she is probably going to become the alpha animal in the house. She already really gets at our two other cats. They're males. My mom told me that one day while she was outside, our big black cat was meowing for unknown reasons, and this just encouraged the little kitten to start meowing. She probably didn't know why she was meowing, but she was following the bigger cat.
The last couple of weeks we've been talking about etiquette and I finally found out why we were talking about it tonight. I'll try not to complain too much about this reason though. The reason is our leader thinks we need to know this stuff as it will apply to our lives in the near future. I don't actually feel like complaining about it right now. Like most things in youth group, not everything is all about the Bible I guess, so I guess I'm ok with this answer.
Anyways, back to dating. It's an awkward conversation to have at youth group especially if your youth leader is a few decades older than you. Just remember this opinion is coming from a teenage mind, it's not fully developed yet and thus I think differently than adults. I'm kinda actually tired of talking about the differences of girls and boys. We all know boys are really physical and girls are the emotional type. It's just how our brains differ. I think the reason I don't want to talk about dating within my youth group anymore because of the book we read a few months ago called For Young Women Only. That book just made me so incredibly mad at certain points, so I just stopped reading it and stopped going to Sunday school for that amount of time.
Somewhere among our conversations of what women want and courtship, there was the idea brought up that you don't have to date. Well, it's true, if you don't want to, you don't have to. Have you ever read I Kissed Dating Goodbye? I haven't, but I've heard it's pretty good. I have a story to tell.
About three years ago, I was really struggling with some friends who were dating and not really having a good time as a freshman in high school. I felt like a third wheel around them all the time. My mom told me that I shouldn't date in high school because it's too much work. So I decided after all the friendship problems I had with my friends because of their relationship that I would give up dating in high school.
I kissed dating goodbye in high school. I promised God and myself that I wouldn't start dating until after high school. Now I've actually really struggled with this. So many times I want to say God, I can't do it anymore and I just want to break the promises. I break a lot of promises, usually they're small silly promises to my friends like letting them walk a puppy I'm watching. Not good I know, but I also know that this promise I made to God, He won't let me break it as easily as promises to my friends, if at all.
I've had my crushes on guys. Who hasn't had a crush on someone? That's probably what I struggle with the most. As for getting asked out or asking someone out, I'm really a traditionalist and I don't like asking people out. I'd rather have the guy ask me out. Weird, I know. We live in the 21st Century for crying out loud. I've never been asked to go to a dance or asked to go on a date or had my first kiss.
One of the newer girls in my youth group, a freshman, couldn't believe that I have never dated before or kissed a guy. She couldn't even believe that no guys have asked me out. She just kept asking me things. It doesn't bother me that she was asking me all this stuff. It also doesn't bother me that I haven't been out on a date. High school guys are pretty immature and my old youth pastor always told us that high school relationships rarely work out.
Maybe I'm not ready to date yet. I keep telling myself that one day God is going to throw someone in my path. And perhaps I'll be ready then.
I was on Blogger earlier looking at some stuff. I read my Bible verse of the day and didn't think much of it at all. I didn't start thinking about it until just now after youth group. As I was getting ready to write this blog, I realized just how applicable this one is to my life right now. I love it when God does this!
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18
Before youth group started, we were all in the sanctuary talking. One of our newest members of the group came in, and the same freshman girl who couldn't believe my dating free high school experience, started complaining and calling him a jerk and stuff right in front of his face. I had no idea this boy was joining our youth group, but I'm really glad he is.
One thing you have to know about this freshman girl is that she is also new. She started coming last year and even went with us to Sun Valley Indian School last year. Not only do I mean she's pretty new to our group, but she hasn't really grown up with God in her life. I remember last year on the plane coming home from Arizona, she was asking my aunt a lot of questions about God that she thought my aunt would be upset about, but my aunt loves answering these types of questions.
This girl reminds me so much of how I used to be. I used to hate a lot of people. I remember when I was a freshmen telling my newest friend of all the people I hated in our grade. She didn't really understand. I think I was being a tad bit prejudice. I was immature back then. I used to complain a lot more than I do now. I used to call people mean names all the time.
I'm hoping that if this girl hangs out with our youth group, she'll see how we treat each other and follow. We all should be loving with actions, not words because love is not just a word, it's a verb.
In a way, this girl reminds me of a little kid or young animal. She sees someone acting a certain way and follows it. Actually it does make a lot of sense to say this. She is like a newborn or child. She doesn't know about God as much as some of us do.
Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation. 1 Peter 2:3
I used this verse a while back while talking to my old youth pastor about youth group problems I was having. I used it as in I'm craving spiritual milk. He said I'm way past the newborn stage. He tells the truth. What I crave is pure spiritual solid foods. Perhaps if this girl keeps coming and keeps learning, she'll also begin to crave this pure spiritual milk, that will eventually turn into pure spiritual solid food.
And speaking of young animals. We have a new kitten in our house and she is probably going to become the alpha animal in the house. She already really gets at our two other cats. They're males. My mom told me that one day while she was outside, our big black cat was meowing for unknown reasons, and this just encouraged the little kitten to start meowing. She probably didn't know why she was meowing, but she was following the bigger cat.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)