Complain complain complain

You know sometimes this seems to be the only thing I do. I complain about my youth group more than anyone else I know. And no, I'm not a youth pastor. Actually I'm just a teen. But I've seen better days with this youth group and I guess that's why I complain so much these days. But that doesn't really mean I have the right to complain.

I don't actually know why I complain so much. I just do it. One time my Aunt Ann made a bet with me that I couldn't last a week without complaining. Guess who won that one? She did. Back then I complained about just about everything. These days, my complaining is centered on youth group and usually it's centered particularly in the Sunday school department. I really shouldn't complain though. At least we have teachers teaching us. It's better than no teacher at all.

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't complain about my youth group. Well that answer lies in the youth group itself. Let me tell you something.

On Friday, we had a movie night that I wasn't looking forward to because the guy in charge of activities doesn't pick good movies. I went in there on Friday with a totally bad attitude. I didn't want to be there at all. Why was I then? Two of my friends, Amanda and David, wanted me to come. So I did. The projector over heated so we had some free time to let it cool down. We all split into groups and just stood there talking. That's where it got interesting. I had my friend Rebecca show Amanda and Kim the awkward turtle babies. That was a mistake because during the rest of the movie, they were laughing about either that or something else. After the movie we played a game called Imaginiff. It was so much fun! We were laughing the whole time.

I have come to realize that as much as I complain about youth group, I love the people. I love them like my brothers and sisters. Now I just need to stop complaining about it all the time.

So now I think it's time for some what ifs and have you evers.

#402 What if you were an unmarried, pregnant 15-year-old?

• Well it would be a lot like the show The Secret Life of the American Teenager. My parents probably wouldn't be too happy with me. And I probably wouldn't be too happy with myself since I have my own purity pact. But I believe my family would support me no matter what. And I'd also keep the baby because I'm prolife.

#80 What if you knew more than your parents?

• That would be amazing. I don't think I would like that. I would probably be called a smart aleck or something. I don't like the idea of that.

#259 What if you could do anything you wanted for one day?

• I'm not sure what I would do. I would probably play the Sims all day or talk to friends online. But you know eating as much chocolate as possible without getting sick would be amazing too.

#173 Have you ever been offered any kind of illegal substances? (What substances? What did you do? How did you feel?)

• I am very thankful for the fact that no one has ever offered me any kind of illegal substances. Although there are probably a lot of kids at school who drink and do drugs, I've never been asked. If I were asked I would say no because I don't want to mess up my life with drugs.
  

#61 Have you ever told your parents that you love them? (When? Where? Why? How did you feel? What happened?)

• Of course I have. Who hasn't? I tell my parents I love them especially when they are getting ready to go on vacation without us kids. I'm a worrier and I worry about them when they leave us. One time I remember was last year and it was the night before my parents left. I came home from my brother's play and my dad was in the back room watching tv. I started crying and my dad gave me a hug. And I told them I was gonna miss them.

#337 Have you ever had a family member die? (Who? How did you hear about it? What was your response? How did you feel? What would you like to tell that person today?)

• Yes, I've had a ton of family members die, but mostly in my extended family. I don't remember how old I was, but I remember when my Great Aunt Doris passed away. My mom was always taking care of her. That day, my Aunt Ann kept calling to see if my mom was home, but she was at market. My dad told me later in the day and he said that they should have told me sooner because I was old enough to handle it. I wasn't that hurt by it because I didn't know her that well. And I'm not sure what I would like to tell that person today. I guess I wish I could have gotten to know her better because all I have now are the stories.

What ifs and Have you evers

I was reading a blog today and saw some what if questions and it made me remember that I have these two books called What If...? and Have You Ever...? They're by Les Christie. I bought them a while ago because I missed them. What do I mean by that?

When I was a little bit younger, but still in youth group, our Sunday school teachers had these books and they always liked to use them after class just for fun discussions before church. There were a few embarrassing instances that happened especially when I asked for a number. There are 450 thought-provoking questions to get teenagers talking, laughing, and thinking. And usually by accident I picked the worst ones. Our Sunday school teachers unfortunately took these books with them when they moved, but I was so excited to find them when I did.

Last time I used these in class, it was when my Sunday school teacher was away and so we had a sub and us girls were doing the lesson. The girls were really excited when they saw these books because they remembered the fun times we had, had with them.

So using a random number generator, I have decided to answer some questions. Hopefully they won't be bad ones.

#164 What if you were color blind?

• I'm not sure what I would do. It would be different. I love seeing colors. I'm a very colorful person and I'm not sure I could deal with being color blind. But I guess if I were born that way then I wouldn't really know the difference and probably wouldn't care to see color or not.

#220 What if you bent over in a school play and split your pants?

• I would probably turn beet red and started laughing. I would make a joke of it basically. Reading this question made me laugh.

#302 What if your girlfriend/boyfriend cooked you a meal that you thought was terrible?

• I would probably say nothing and offer to cook next time. But I wouldn't want to hurt the boy's feelings.

#369 Have you ever dyed your hair? (What color? How did you feel? What did your parents and friends think? Would you do it again?)

• Do highlights count? I got highlights over the summer for senior pictures. They were just blond highlights. My parents liked it and so did my friends. It took over 2 hours to do though, so if it didn't take that long next time, then perhaps I would do it again. One time though my cousin tried to dye my hair, but it didn't work because she got the color that was basically my hair color, so my parents didn't really notice. Maybe I'll go with pink next time.

#400 Have you ever been in Boy or Girl Scouts? (For how long? How old were you? What did you like best and least about being in this organization?)

• Yes, I was a Girl Scout and my mom is still the cookie cupboard for Girl Scouts even though I quit in 8th grade. I was a brownie in 2nd grade, but had to quit because we didn't have a leader. Then I got back into it a few years later as a junior scout, I think that one is before the cadet. I quit after becoming a cadet because no one wanted to lead us. I liked the jokes my friends and I made with sand hanitizer and such. I also liked selling cookies at my town's grocery store. I hated camping in tents in October. Who knew it could get so cold that I would have to wear all my clothes, plus my winter coat in my sleeping bag at night to stay warm. Well, I guess that's just Michigan for you.

#348 Have you ever had a concussion? (What happened? How did it feel? Who was with you? What did they do?)

• I don't think I've ever had a concussion, but one time I was scared that I got one. I was at youth group for the 30 Hour Famine and our youth pastor decided to saran wrap us together to make us walk as a team. Well we walked for a few seconds and then I said was going to fall and I did and everyone else came with me. I hit my head on the floor and it really hurt. I got a headache, but I didn't pass out.
  

Well this has been so much fun. I think I might do this every once in a while, maybe even a few times a week. I really enjoyed this a lot. And I can't wait to do more!

I'm thankful for...

THONGS!

Oh did I get your attention with that one? Before you get your mind in the gutter, let me explain this.

Last Wednesday, in youth group, we were talking about what we're thankful for. We played a game as a warm up to the lesson, which was very entertaining. We started off throwing a ball around saying what we're seriously thankful for. But it got tougher because we couldn't repeat anything. It was especially hard for those who had just walked in late not knowing what we had already said and they couldn't repeat anything. We started making up more sillier and random things and our pastor at one point put a time restriction of 3 seconds to have the ball. If you repeated something, didn't have anything to say, or threw the ball at someone who was already out, you were out.

At one point, one of our adults got the ball and blurt out thongs. We laughed for a good 5 minutes about it. She tried to explain herself, but it only made us laugh harder. With her being in a different generation, I don't blame her for what she said. She meant to say flip flops. I think we knew what she meant, but we're teenagers and we don't exactly think that way sometimes.

On Sunday, our pastor talked about attitude. Most of the time, when someone's talking about attitudes, isn't it usually about bad attitude? When you're asked about attitude, is it because you have a bad attitude? Today is Thanksgiving. God deserves all our Thanksgiving. So give it to him. And not with a bad attitude. He doesn't need your sass today. Psalm 100:4-5 says this:

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Although this isn't exactly the sermon scripture (that was Philippians 4:1-13 if you were wondering), I thought it was a good verse. We should be praising God for all that he has done for us. Without Him, we would literally be nothing. If God hadn't done what He has done, we probably wouldn't be here.

The main thing I got out of the sermon is that we should be thankful for things even when we don't like it. For instance, it was snowing on Monday during my campus visit to Spring Arbor University. Instead of getting mad about the snow, I was thankful that I got the chance to go.

When things are bad, don't blame God, thank Him for the good things and pray that the bad stuff will leave. Thank God even when you don't want to. After all, He deserves all the thanks. He loves us so much that He sent Jesus, His one and only son, to die on the cross for our sins. I don't think God is a guilt-tripper, but don't you think He deserves to be thanked for all that He has done in our lives? I'm certainly thankful.

God is Awesome!

Something amazing happened to me on Sunday amidst some really cruddy stuff. Sunday night, my family went out to dinner to celebrate my dad's birthday which was actually yesterday. On our way there, we were talking about Madrigal dinner. It's a thing the choir at my high school does every year as a fundraiser. It's a play/musical thingy. And this year, my brother's in it. My parents started talking about going on the Saturday night since it's going on two nights and my mom has to get ready for market on the Friday night. When they mentioned the 13th of December, I started to freak out. That's the night of our Christmas program at church.

As we got out of the car to go to dinner, I told my dad not to worry about it and just to go to Madrigal dinner, but he said he wanted to come here me sing my solo. I told him it was just a one line solo, but he said he wanted to go. On the outside, I may have seemed fine, but on the inside I was crying my eyes out.

As I was getting ready for bed that night, I was writing about what happened in my journal. All of sudden I just started bawling my eyes out. I cried for a while and my heart was just screaming for someone to talk to. I decided to go write a blog on my computer. A second or two later, one of my old youth pastors, Lindsay, logged on.

She started talking to me about what my AIM status said. It was talking about the games Chutes & Ladders and Candyland. I explained why I had those and then told her she logged on at the perfect time. She helped me through my dilemma and made me feel better.

The amazing thing is I never said anything out loud, but God knew I needed someone to talk to. He totally provided for me! And come to think of it, Lindsay always seems to log on at the right time or around the right time. I'm so thankful to have her as a friend. I'm thankful God brought her and Matt into my life.

As I was praying later on Sunday, I was thanking God for Matt and Lindsay and I couldn't stop saying the word awesome. And thinking about it right now makes me say awesome even more. It reminded me of last year when Lindsay called me to tell me that her and Matt were engaged. At that point, I couldn't stop saying oh my gosh. And thinking about that night, I still have to say oh my gosh. And when I look at that day in my journal, I get this happy feeling and I wanna say oh my gosh even more. God is awesome!!!!

Awesome!

Saying Grace

Bless us, O Lord, and these Your gifts
which we are about to receive
from Your bounty
Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

I come from a Catholic family. Whenever we have family meals altogether like we will for this Thanksgiving dinner, we pray this prayer. I have nothing against it really except for the fact that I've been saying this prayer since I was really young. They used to make us kids start the prayer as well. But these days, whenever the family is together usually my grandfather starts the prayer.

I'm used to only praying this prayer when I'm with my extended family, so it surprised me when on Monday, my dad asked me if I wanted to say grace before eating. Where were we when he said this? We were taking a campus visit to Spring Arbor University. The school isn't Catholic; it's actually Free Methodist.

We prayed the above prayer, but that has kinda stuck with me. I'm no longer in the Catholic church, but out of tradition and for the other members of my family who are Catholic, I pray this with them. My dad isn't Catholic though; he's Episcopalian. I know the Episcopal church is a lot like the Catholics, but do they pray the same way?

What I want to know is do I have to say this prayer as my form of grace? When I'm with my church family, we don't pray this. Even with my Aunt Ann, whenever we're out eating at a restaurant, we don't say that prayer. It kinda bothered me that my dad had me use this form of saying grace. I don't like to say grace in this manner. It really bothers me.

It's such a simple prayer. God may not get tired of it, but I do. And I know it's not all about me and don't think I'm thinking that way because I'm not. Can't we just change it up a little bit how we thank God for our food?

This prayer is so traditional. I imagine it has been around for ages. Why can't we try something new? This is what a prayer for food usually probably sounds like in my current church:

Dear God, thank you for this time we have to spend with each other. I pray that you will bless this food to our bodies. Amen.

No offense to Catholics but your prayers are just too old and dull for me. It's like I'm saying the prayer, but not really praying the prayer. Which would you rather do? I would rather pray because saying isn't getting us anywhere. I feel like I've been saying this prayer for so many years that it means nothing to me. I guess I want a different way of saying grace. But with my traditional Catholic family, do you think that's possible?

No pleases, but a lot of thank yous

Today is Thanksgiving. One of the only holidays we celebrate that is a verb. We're giving thanks for what we have. I was thinking last night before going to bed (and I'm quite surprised I didn't forget it when I fell asleep) that I want to try something different with being thankful. I want to give thanks not only to these people, but to God who created and put these people into my life.

I'll start off with my family. I'm thankful for having two parents who love me very much and have always been there for me. I'm thankful for my little brother, Brad. Yeah, he bugs me a lot of the time, but hey we're siblings and that's what we do. I'm thankful for my cats, Leo, Max, and Abby. I'm thankful for my extended family. I love living in such a big family. I love our family get-togethers. I love you, Aunt Ann and Aunt Beth. I'm thankful for how much you guys have impacted my Christian faith. You guys rock! I'm thankful for the multitude of cousins I have and especially thankful for the newest cousin who is due I think in February. My grandma is gonna be a great grandma. I'm thankful for my grandparents. Even though I hated being held by my grandma when I was a baby, I love going to their house to play with the cats and I love the sweet tooth, grandma and I share so often. Thanks grandpa for the kind heart you have to take care of all the cats on your farm. Thank you Aunt Linda for always bringing me home taffy from up north. Thank You God for putting me in such a wonderful family.

I'm thankful for all my friends especially those in youth group. We have such good times in youth group. I'm thankful for all the guys in youth group especially Noah and Chris who are awesome musicians and I enjoy every chance I get to play in worship band with you guys. I'm thankful for JJ, my "older brother." I don't understand you have the time, but that's ok, I still love you. I'm thankful for David. He was my neighbor for probably 10 years or so and I enjoyed playing with him any time and I miss those times as a kid. I'm thankful for the girls in youth group. Becky, my best friend, thank You God for her amazingness. Thank You God for amazing youth group moments whether during Wednesday nights or during our activities. I'm thankful for Abbi and Hannah who talk a lot and get annoyed easily during worship band rehearsal with Noah and Chris, but are wonderful friends nonetheless. I'm thankful for Amanda. She always puts a smile on my face. I'm thankful for Rebecca. I'm thankful for all the new kids we have in youth group. I like to see our youth group growing. I'm thankful for Lexi. God, Lexi and I have our rough patches (every day), but I'm so incredibly thankful for her. I'm thankful for all my band friends. I don't know where I would be without band as much as I hate it sometimes. I'm thankful for Melissa. I love our conversations at lunch and I love the poking fights.

I'm thankful for anyone and everyone who has ever helped with youth group. God puts such amazing people into youth group to work with us crazy teens. I'm thankful today especially for Matt and Lindsay, who are incredibly awesome. I'm so thankful for all the fun times we had with them in youth group. Thankful for the saran wrap (well maybe not that), 30 Hour Famine fun, tea parties in the nursery, movie nights, amazing Wednesday night lessons, and random conversations in the nursery with Lindsay (when people wouldn't stop walking into the youth room).

I'm thankful for my pastor/piano teacher. It's a good sign when I've been taking piano lessons with the same teacher for 9 years without quitting. I'm thankful for my church family. I'm thankful that they love my flute playing and don't think it's terrible. I'm thankful for church choir. I'm thankful for everyone in my church who cares about me.

I'm thankful for my neighbor Bonnie and her three sweet boys. I'm thankful that I can have such awesome conversations with awesome Christians. I'm thankful for anyone and everyone who once in a while stops for a moment and reads this blog. I'm thankful for the chance I have to read other people's blogs like Tim and Dana's. So what if I don't know them personally, I still enjoy reading what they write about.

I'm thankful for all the stuff I have. It's material things, so it doesn't really matter as much to me. I'm thankful for the food I'm going to eat tonight and the people I'll share it with.

Finally I'm thankful for God's amazing grace. I'm thankful for Jesus. Thank You God for sending Your one and only son down to earth to save us all from our sins. Thank You Jesus for dying on the cross so that we could all live.

Purity, it's all the rage

Purity is very important to me. I have said before that I kissed dating goodbye in high school. I don't date. Why? High school guys are stupid, hormonal pigs. No offense to you, boys, but that's just how you are. You have raging hormones right now that you can't always control.

I just recently finished reading two books that are along the lines of purity: Every Young Woman's Battle and Dateable. I enjoyed both of them.

I started reading Every Young Woman's Battle over the summer because I wanted to be a rebel. We were just finishing reading For Young Woman Only in Sunday school and our teacher at the time told the pastor's wife that she wanted the parents to read Every Young Woman's Battle. I didn't understand why because it's for young woman and we should be the ones reading it. So I got a copy for myself.

I got Dateable a couple weeks ago for my birthday. It has been something I have wanted to read for about a year now. It was a very entertaining book especially with all the doodles it had in it. It got me in trouble though when I brought it into Sunday school with me one week. One of the girls wondered why I was reading it if I hate that kind of stuff. She has it all wrong though. I hate discussing boys in Sunday school. Talking about purity is important, but boys on the other hand, as much as they have to do with purity, it's not worth having a whole series on how guys think. We should be learning how to save ourselves for our wedding night, not how guys think. We're females, are we expected to know how guys think? They're a mystery to us as much as we're a mystery to them. Anyways, I like reading books like Dateable, just not in Sunday school.

Well, I just lost where I was going with these two books. Oh well, I'll go on to my purity ring I guess. Um, they are good books though. I encourage anyone to pick them up and read them. I remember a few years ago, in Sunday school, we split up and the girls went to the nursery where our girl youth pastor read And The Bride Wore White. See? That's the kind of book I think we, teen girls, need to be reading. That's another good book.

My purity ring is in that picture you see. A couple years ago, I was telling my aunt that I wanted to get a purity ring. So we went out and looked at some purity rings. I saw two that I liked and come to think of it, I can't remember what the other looked like, but I chose this one and it has been on my finger since then.

My ring kinda in a way tells a story. It's a short story though. And it goes like this: the key to my heart is through Christ. Ok, not exactly a story, but it's something. And I like thinking about it this way. So boys, the key to my heart is through Christ. If you want me, you'll have to have go through Christ.

I'm not perfect, ok? I've had slips in my purity. It happens, but I'm working on it. I plan on waiting until marriage to have sex. I pray for my future husband every day and I pray that he chooses to remain abstinent as well. Guys want to marry a virgin girl, yet they don't ever seem to think we, girls, care if they are virgin or not. At least that's what I got out of the For Young Women Only book. Well, this is one girl who cares about her future husband. And I want to be a virgin marrying a virgin.

Girls, I've heard the best way not to get an STD or get pregnant is to go the road of abstinence. Who wants that much baggage anyways? In the words of Mean Girls: Don't have sex; you'll get pregnant and die!!!!

My Security Blanket

You know I was thinking a couple of days ago. I know thinking can be dangerous and all, and yet, I was still doing it. I was thinking about my security blanket. Now you might be thinking, "Aren't you a little old to have a security blanket?" And you might be right, but still I have one. Well I wouldn't exactly call her a security blanket since she is a stuffed animal bunny. I call her Bun-Bun and I've had her since I was probably in first or second grade.

When I was in elementary school, I took her to show and tell once in a while. I stopped holding on to her at night after a while and then after my cat, D.C., got hit by a car when I was in 6th grade, I held on tight to her. Then eventually I let go of her until we had to put my cat, Fred, down when I was in 8th grade. Ever since then I've held on to her.

I'm not really sure why I do it and I'm really unsure of why I'm writing all this about her. She's my security blanket. When I'm away from home, I make sure she's in whatever bag I have or at least before I leave home I give her a hug and a kiss. It all might sound childish, but it's something I enjoy doing.

My security blanket or more like security bunny is part of who I am. It's part of my home. And when I have her, I feel at home no matter where I am. I'm not really sure if this was my point, but it's my improv point now.

My Vision Board

As one final project in my psychology class, my teacher made us make a vision board. She wanted this to be something that we could take with us. So we cut out pictures from magazines. She also wanted us to think of 10 things we wanted to do in the next 5 to 10 years and then out of those 10, pick out 3 to write paragraphs about. Mine were

1. I want to practice healthier eating habits.
2. I want to exercise more.
3. I want to find my dream job.
4. I want to make others laugh.
5. I want to get others to enjoy life.
6. I want to be even more positive than I am.
7. I want to get married to my dream guy.
8. I want to be less argumentative.
9. I want to have a big family with my dream guy.
10. I want to get more sleep at night.

For the 3, I chose I had to explain what it was, why it was important, and how I am going to accomplish it. So I'll put that up too. And if you haven't read The Great Gatsby, then you probably won't understand a lot of the stuff I'm saying. I only mention The Great Gatsby a lot because my psychology teacher was my English teacher last year and we talked a lot about the American Dream in that class.

This project reminds me so much of the American Dream project. How? Well, I want to find my dream job. No, not the kind where you sleep and dream of different jobs. I'm talking about the American Dream. You know, like Gatsby's dream was to get rich and get the girl. My dream is nothing like Gatsby's. Finding my dream job is important to me because we all have to live somehow, right? We all have to have a job to pay for things we want and to pay for the dreaded taxes. Money really isn't an issue for me. In my youth group a few weeks ago, we rated what was most important to us in a dream job and money was the least important to me. I want to change the world with whatever I do and change the lives of many. I don't know what I want to do currently, but for the next couple of years, I'm going to go to college to try to figure out what I could do for the rest of my life.

Before I start this next paragraph, I would like to mention this: I like to talk to myself. What can I say? I get bored and when I'm bored, I tend to talk to myself. Doesn't everyone talk to themselves once in a while? Ok, so maybe I talk to myself a little more than the average person. I like to talk to myself especially after brushing my hair. I say things like "I'm calm, cool, and collected" or "I'm beautiful, smart, pretty, nice, etc." And then I laugh at myself. Or maybe I laugh with myself however that happens. I don't know if that's actually possible though. Why do I? Trust me on this, it's not a negative thing. As I've learned in psychology, laughing is good for you. It's a stress reducer and it gives your body a good feeling. Go ahead and try it. It's fun and entertaining. I laugh at myself in the mirror because it's entertaining to watch myself laugh I guess. Are you laughing yet? You should be because that's exactly what I want. Two of my wants could actually be made into one. I want to make others laugh and I want to get others to enjoy the life they live. When I first started making videos on my computer, I didn't want to sound super boring talking about my life, so I decided to make funny videos of me just doing random stuff. I'm random, which is something very important to me. I love being random because it sparks my creativity. I just so much enjoy watching people's faces when I show them my videos and even when I do pointless random stuff in front of other people, I love watching their reactions. It makes me feel good. Like I said, I also want to get people to enjoy life. A lot of people in this country are unhappy. They try to hide their problems through drinking alcohol or using drugs. I can't stand to see people doing this because they're ruining their lives and we only have one life on this planet. A lot of people I know would say that I have a sunny disposition. What can I say? I love my life. These days I'm a carefree, happy person. Last year after taking physics and stuff, I just stopped caring about certain things, and one of those things was what people thought of me. I don't care so much anymore of what others thinks of me. I'm happy and I want to see others the same way. I'm going to keep on being random because I know it makes people laugh and lets them forget about certain problems they have for at least a little while.

I have 11 cousins on my mom's side of the family and 3 on my dad's side, which makes 14 cousins altogether. You may look at this and say, "Wow, she probably wants a small family." Actually I want to have a big family. I only have one brother, so I want a big family like my extended family. I also want it with my dream guy. And no, I'm not talking about the sleeping dreams again. I'm talking about the American dream again. I just really like the idea of having a big family especially at Christmas time. I have great memories of my family celebrating Christmas and I want to make even more memories. Now to accomplish this, I need to marry my dream guy. I don't know when this will happen, but I have faith that when the right time comes, God will throw a guy into my pathway that I'm taking and we'll go from there. Hopefully I won't have problems like Gatsby did though.

Don't you just love it how I'm referencing back to The Great Gatsby so much? Well, doesn't a lot of this stuff have to do with the American Dream? I think it does.

Angels We Have Heard on High

Angels we have on heard high
Sweetly singing ore the plains
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strains

Gloria in excelsis Deo
Gloria in excelsis Deo

Come to Bethlehem and see
Christ whose birth the angels sing
Come adore on bended knee
Christ the Lord the newborn King

Gloria in excelsis Deo
Gloria in excelsis Deo

See him in a manger laid
Whom the choirs of angels praise
Mary, Joseph, lend your aid
While our hearts in love we raise

Gloria in excelsis Deo
Gloria, in excelsis Deo
Gloria in excelsis Deo

Every year, this has been one of my favorite Christmas songs to sing. I like the speed of it and my favorite part is the chorus because it sounds like they're saying my name. At least that's what I've been saying the last couple of years and I even said it this year to my piano teacher/pastor already.

He gave me one of those looks when I told him the reason why I liked it. Just for that, I decided that I needed to go look up what the chorus meant.

Gloria in excelsis Deo means Glory be to God on high. I had never realized that. Did you know that? I'm glad I looked it up. This song now reminds me a lot of the songs we sing at Easter.

I do have a story about either a year ago or two years ago with my old youth pastors, Matt and Lindsay (told you I talk about them a lot), about this song. We were singing this song one Sunday and I told them that I liked it because it sounded like they were singing my name in the chorus. When we were singing it and got to the chorus, they looked my way and smiled at me.

I have new appreciation for this song.

A HUGE investment

Someone believes in you.

They have invested in you.

They have walked with you as a friend.

They have walked ahead of you as an example.

You know their life is authentic.

You know their faith is real.

Such is the situation when the Apostle Paul writes these very personal, very powerful words to his friend Timothy.

For this reason

I remind you

to fan into flame

the gift of God,

which is in you

through the laying

on of my hands. (2 Tim. 1:6 NIV)

The old Apostle reminds the young pastor of others who have lived the life before him.

I have been reminded of your sincere faith

which first lived in your grandmother Lois

and in your mother Eunice

and, I am persuaded,

now lives in you also. (2 Tim. 1:5 NIV)

Who has invested in you?

What did they do to bring you into God's story?

How are you fanning God's gift into a roaring flame within your life today?

Grace & peace

This was today's devotional that I receive from my church. I love these devotionals. I used to say that going to youth group on Wednesday nights kept me sane, but getting these devotionals everyday keep me more sane than ever before. Today's really impacted me. Why?

Someone has invested in me. If they hadn't, I probably wouldn't be writing this blog right now. I could name off so many people who have invested their time in me. My parents, my family, my friends, my many youth pastors, my piano teacher/pastor, etc. The two or maybe even three that stick in my head are the ones you probably hear me talk about the most. It's my Aunt Ann and my two old youth pastors, Matt and Lindsay.

These are three people who invested in me. What did they do to bring me into God's story?

Without my Aunt Ann, I don't know where I would be. I certainly wouldn't have such a strong faith in God. When I was about 9, she convinced me to go to VBS at her church and I had so much fun that I stayed and even started going to church with her. But she didn't just stop investing right there. I fell out of church for a while because I got bored with it, but she never gave up on me. She invited me to go on a mission trip. I went and met a lot of awesome people who I became friends with. After that trip, I started going to church on a regular basis, to her church. I still had to go to Catholic church sometimes, but mostly I went to her church. One year for school, I remember being asked who my American hero was and I wrote a paper on my Aunt Ann. She was my role model back then and continues to be my role model these days. In a way, seeing all that she does makes me want to go out into the world and change the world.

Two people who have really invested their time in me are Matt and Lindsay, two of my old youth pastors. They were the more recent ones and if you hear me talking about old youth pastors, it's more than likely that I'm referring to these two. They are such a wonderful couple. I remember hating them at first. I didn't want anything to do with them. After our first 30 Hour Famine, we got to know them a little better. Then over the summer, I had a change and I really started to get to know them. Then for our second 30 Hour Famine, I was solo and away from my best friend Becky (which at the first famine we were always doing stuff together), so I had to hang with other people. We had a lot of fun that weekend. It was a major turning point in my life because I started to really listen to sermons and lessons. As immature as we could all be, Matt and Lindsay never gave up on us. Sure, they got really frustrated because certain people wouldn't stop talking, but they never gave up. And they were always willing to listen. One of my favorite memories was talking to Lindsay about stuff in the nursery because we kept getting interrupted in the youth room. Also some of us girls used to say that we want to marry a guy like Matt because he's such a good Christian influence even when he may think he's not (afterall nobody's perfect). Geez, I talk about them as if they're gone from my life. Well they may have moved away from me, but they haven't lost contact with me. I talk to them constantly and they are so willing to help me with whatever dilemma I'm facing. They've even told me to call whenever I feel like I need to talk, but since I talk to them so often online, I don't take advantage of that very often.

How am I fanning God's gift into a roaring flame within my life today?

I'm trying everyday to live as Christ did. It's hard, but I keep on going. It's because of people like my Aunt Ann, Matt, and Lindsay that I'm here trying to live my life this way. They have gone before me and have really influenced me even if they didn't realize it.

I'm forever thankful for what each of these Christians did to my life. They've changed me forever and that change is a good thing.

When reality hits you right in the face

So the other day, I threw myself into a state of depression not only missing certain people who aren't exactly gone from my life, but they just aren't in the same place as me at the moment. But I just realized something that was said to me back in July, but it didn't hit me as hard back then. This is what I said back on August 8, 2008 in one of my journals:

Chris and I were discussing youth group and how much it will change this year and after next year. I'm still shocked that we're seniors. I asked Chris where he's thinking about going and he said a Bible college in Georgia. And of course Hannah has to go to Olivet Nazarene (she's a PK). Becky's going to Ferris. I'm gonna be stuck with all the younger high school kids.

This conversation got me thinking about what Lindsay (one of my old youth pastors) said a few weeks ago about friends after high school. Actually about people after high school in general. After high school, you're no longer gonna see everyone you used to see in school.

I'm gonna miss Chris and Hannah so much when it comes down to it. I'm gonna miss Becky a lot this year too. I guess we all just need to move on eventually. Problem is that the youth group have been together for like 9 years, so that's a difficult transition.

The other day, my friend Becky was telling me about some of her fun adventures at college doing different things. She kept mentioning all her new friends and in a way, it makes me really jealous. There she is meeting a ton of new people and here I am seeing the same people everyday.

Then I realized that if I go away to college next year to live in a dorm, I'm going to do the same thing. I'm going to make new friends and forget all my other friends. The problem is that I don't want to forget my friends. While I do want to make new friends, I don't want to forget the truest high school friends that I've ever had.

Becky and I, being best friends, have always said that we're going to be our maid of honor in each others wedding, but now I'm not so sure. I'm doubting things I guess. We're all moving on. We're all separating and next year will be the biggest transition when I leave all my fellow church peers to go off to college if I choose to go away instead of community college.

I guess I also have a huge fear of abandonment. I know a lot of my friends won't just up and abandon me, but that fear never leaves me. There's one friend though, that I don't fear will ever leave me though and it's Jesus.

Welcome to reality though. It has hit me hard this time. How about you?

Got boys on the brain?

Let me just answer this one directly. No, I don't have boys on the brain. Shouldn't that be normal? Aren't boys the ones thinking about girls all the time? Well, maybe not exactly thinking about girls, but I won't go there.

Ok, so I'm now an adult, yet still considered a teen since I'm eighteen. Key part there, teen. The teen years are full of hormones and crazy people. As I've said before, I've given up the whole dating thing in high school. It's just not worth it. I guess instead of dating, I read about dating. I can't help it. Same reason I read youth pastor blogs. I can't help it. I like to help my friends out when they need advice and I like to see my youth group play fun, different, new games.

I think I'm probably going to talk about this because of one thing my baby brother is doing right now. He is DATING. I kinda had an awkward moment today in the hallway when I passed him and his girlfriend hugging in the middle of the stairwell hallway area. When I passed them, I got that feeling I can't describe. No, it's not jealousy. I chose to be this way. It was just awkward seeing them there.

I feel like I'm back at square 1. I feel like a freshmen again. You probably don't know what I mean by that, so I'll tell you. When I was a freshman, my best friend's brother, who is very much like a brother to me, started dating one of my friends. Basically, it was a bad time of my life and I learned a thing or two while ruining some friendships. Now that I'm a senior, I don't plan on interfering with my brother since 1. he's my actual brother and 2. I don't know the girl very well. I'll just keep my mouth shut. I know it's not going to last and I'm not gonna try to argue with my 15 year old brother about it. He can make his own mistakes.

Like I said before, I'm not at all jealous of him. He's only been dating this girl since Friday I think. I chose this way of life and soon my high school career will be over, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'll go looking for love. I know girls are not physical like guys, but rather emotional. I don't need to go looking for love especially in all the wrong places because I know who really loves me. God loves me.

While thinking about how much boys aren't in my head, I realized what is usually on my mind. It's youth group. I'm always thinking about youth group. Sometimes I'm remembering the way things used to be while other times I'm just complaining. Whatever it is, I'm thinking about it.

Yesterday, I kinda threw myself into a state of depression on accident while reading someone's blog. I don't blame the person who wrote the blog at all though because I actually enjoy reading their blog. It was just youth group came to mind. I only go to youth group on Sundays and Wednesdays and I guess on some Fridays whenever we have a movie night. We don't do small groups here, but why can't we? It's probably because we don't have enough kids to do it with.

I don't want to compare my youth group with other groups, but I'm kinda going to. Other youth groups I've read about or heard about have small groups. Of course, they probably have a bunch of teens too. This really just throws me in a hole.

Maybe we need to work on growth. The problem with growth on the teen level in my church is that no one brings friends. The usual excuse and I've used it too is that all our friends already go to church or at least say they do. There is one church in my town, the biggest I believe, where a lot of people say they go to that church, but they don't really. Why can't we take a risk and bring our friends to church with us?

When we had our last youth group gathering thingy, I brought a friend with me. This friend I was kinda afraid to invite because I didn't know how the others would react. Most of them say they don't like her, but they don't even know her let alone get to know her. I took a risk and it wasn't so bad. It was a fun night hiding remotes from one of our chaperones and making him search all over my aunt's house just to find out that his sister had it the whole time.

See? I told you I had youth group on the brain. And you know what? Usually, I fall asleep thinking about youth group. Maybe that's why I have so many dreams about youth group. So no, I don't have boys on the brain much. Maybe in a few years, it will be different.

Could you just say it to my face?

Ever since this past summer, I've been really peeved about youth group. I'm not as peeved about youth group anymore since I enjoy Wednesday nights. I do have a problem with Sunday school though. And by saying what I'm about to say, I'm risking a lot especially if anyone from church is reading this. It's a risk I'm willing to take though.

I know. I know. You hear me complain enough about Sunday school, but this thought is on my mind right now, so why not share it?

First of all you have to understand that we have split classes on Sundays. Somehow it has worked out that we have a bunch of younger boys and not a lot of younger girls. We've had split classes since last year when our youth pastors moved away. Our Sunday ritual goes a little like this: question, word or words of the day, trivia, and a lesson. We hardly ever seem to get to the lesson anymore and that bugs me.

I've gotten to the point of not even talking in the class. My best friend used to say that sometimes when our youth pastor was giving a lesson, she would just stare at the wall the whole time. That's how I feel right now. I can't do that though. I won't allow for that to happen to my mind. If I can't concentrate on the lesson, then I need to be doing something else and that doesn't include doodling like one of my friends does usually during the sermon. Lately I've just been reading a lot in class.

Last week, our teacher asked us what we wanted to learn about next. Most of the girls said they wanted a list of what our teacher wanted to teach us. One of my friends, knowing my predicament, asked me if I had anything to say. That made me so mad. I just stared at her and said nothing. I don't even know why I told her a few months ago when I know that it takes a long time to build up trust, but seconds to tear it down.

I wasn't going to tell my class and teacher how I was feeling. It's not that I don't trust most of them. It's the fact that they wouldn't get it. Because of the type of person I am, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by what I have to say. The majority of the class wants a list from our teacher, but I'm the only one who doesn't; I'm the minority. Also I realize that everyone in that class is at a different level spiritually and while I want to go deeper, the rest of them seem to be fine where they are.

A few times over the summer, I actually switched classes because I was bored in the girls class. I went to the boys class and that was a little awkward being the only girl there especially when we started talking about "knowing" people, which had nothing to do with the lesson. I also went to the adults class. I've decided I can't be in the boys class because it gets weird and awkward. The girls class bores me. The adults just wouldn't be able to handle me. I'm in between. That's what I need. I need an in between class. I'm still teenish and I like to joke around and talk a lot, but I need something more than what the teen girls are talking about. Maybe I need independent study.

So this brings me back to yesterday. Our teacher was sick, so we had a choice. Go with the awkward boys, go with the old adults (no offense), or improv our own lesson. I was just standing there after our pastor told us that and a few girls were talking and I heard my name mentioned. I mean I guess they could have been talking about the town. Haha, Chelsea from Chelsea. But I think they were talking about me. And it wouldn't surprise me one bit if my one friend who knows my problem has told the others. The others asked what I was gonna do and I told them I guess I was going with the girls, so we did an improv lesson that didn't actually work since it was practically a gossip hour. Ooh gossip in church. Yeah not a good thing.

What gets me the most is that I was being talked about and probably not in a good way. I probably shouldn't be assuming things because of geometry and the fact that the pastor's family says the saying goes it makes and ass out of you and me. I was surprised hearing that come out of their mouths.

I guess my point is, if you know I have a problem with something, don't ask me about it in an awkward situation. And don't go talking about it to your friends. That's like a double backstabbing and I hate that feeling. Don't talk about me in bad terms behind my back. That's not cool. It just shoves me deeper into the minority of the group. Sorry, I can't help being different and wanting something more.

The Most Famous Person in the World

Recently or more like yesterday, I finished this book. It was a good book. It's basically what I would call a step to step look at how one becomes Christian I guess. It has three sections called getting to know the Father; learning to serve the Son; and living to honor the Spirit. Now if I'm already a Christian, why would I read a book such as this. Well I hadn't realized that this is what the point of it was until after I got the book. But I really enjoyed reading it. It was the book I was reading during Sunday school last week because I couldn't concentrate on what they were talking about. My idea is that if I can't concentrate, I'm not gonna stare at a wall and think about other things. I'm in Sunday school for about an hour and I need to learn something to God's honor, so why not read something?

Anyways, there's a chapter in the book called Christianity's trademark and it really got my attention with the burning question they ask at the beginning of the chapter. Not only that, but it's also been on my mind ever since reading it and I have a personal story to share too. Ok, I think I'm going to quote the story part of this chapter.

Why are some Christians such hypocrites? Shouldn't they be living differently than the people of the world? Shouldn't they be living with more love and less hate?

I met the most famous person in the world. Not in a palace or a ballroom or an auditorium. Not at a convention center or in a stadium or at a political rally. I met him on a blazing summer afternoon in the inner-city of Boulder, Colorado. He was standing outside a Subway Restaurant.
I'd just ordered two 12-inch subs when he walked by the window. At first I didn't recognize him. I just happened to glance out the window as he walked by. Huh, what a weird-looking dude, I thought. I ate six inches. Twelve inches. Eighteen delicious inches of submarine sandwich. Then I carefully wiped the mayonnaise off my chin and smiled. Only six inches left, but I was pretty full. For a moment, I wondered if I should throw it away....Naw, I'll just eat it on the train ride back home.
As I left the restaurant, I saw him again. This time he was leaning over a garbage can. He moved slowly and deliberately, shuffling around, searching and scouring for something. Anything. Still, I did not recognize this man. His clothes hung in shreds, his face blackened with grime. Slowly he moved from one garbage can to another, from one dumpster to the next. He slid his hand into the stench and pulled out a moldy, dripping bun. Without a second thought he slid it into his pocket and continued his search. That's when I realized he was searching for food. I looked at the sandwich in my hand. I can do a good deed and help this poor homeless man, I thought. "Here," I heard myself say. "Take this."
I held the sandwich out to him. He didn't look up. He didn't even acknowledge me. Instead he just thrust out a claw-like hand and clutched the gift. He said nothing as he shuffled away. And still, I didn't know him; didn't recognize this filthy homeless man. I strolled to the train station, impressed by my personal sacrifice. How kind and thoughtful I'd been! Chalk one up for me in the ol' good deeds department! Though I might be tempted to forget that man, I could always remember that little kindness I'd shown!
However. I saw him again. Once in a Cincinnati airport sitting by a heating vent. Once backing his way down a Wisconsin highway. Once in Tennessee, with his head hung low, holding a sign: "WILL WORK FOR FOOD." I've seen his face on commercials, on buses, on street corners, in alleys, outside high-rise apartments, in libraries, on park benches. He lives in Rwanda...Calcutta...Haiti...New York...far away...next door...down the street. His face seems to pop up everywhere I look these days.
Who is he? His name is Jesus. Yes, the Jesus.

Jesus said, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." Matthew 25:35-36

Jesus said, "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" Matthew 25:40

Have you met Him before? I have many times before, but like most I usually ignore it. I can be such a hypocrite sometimes. Sometimes I think that he's not my problem. Someone else will help him. Or I'm in a hurry, I'll help the next one I see. Or what would people think if they saw me talking to him?

It's almost as if I'm ashamed or something to go talk to someone who needs something. I shouldn't be though and I know it. In order to server Jesus, we need to serve those in need of help.

Have you ever listened to the song Every Man by Casting Crowns? The song talks about Jesus being in every person you meet. Jesus is anywhere and everywhere. We shouldn't just ignore someone because that person might be Jesus and Jesus doesn't want us to ignore His existence.

Do you know what love is? Well it certainly isn't a feeling. Haven't you ever heard the song Luv is a Verb by DC Talk. I remember the pastor at my old youth pastors' wedding saying something about how they, my old youth pastors, really show that luv is a verb. It's true. Love is a verb. It's something you do. God calls us to love everyone, not just who you're friends with.

I've probably said this before, but I hang out with a different crowd. I guess it could be in my genes because my dad seemed to be the same way, but whatever it is, I do it and I can't help it. I hang out with those kids that others hate. Hey, Jesus hung out with prostitutes. How do I know these kids are hated? Well, ok, I hang out with two groups and one of them is my youth group friends and the other are what I'll call outcasts kinda. I hear it in the halls that some don't like these kids because they smell or dress a lot differently, a little less modest. I think I hang out with these kids because they actually "get" me. Not many in my youth group actually understand me. They don't "get" that I used to be bullied. They don't "get" that sometimes I don't feel like I fit in. They don't "get" that I sometimes feel like an outcast. I sometimes wonder if what I call my outcast group of friends, is the truer group of my friends.

Ok, I guess it's time for my personal story, which happened yesterday. But I guess you have to know the whole story to understand it. In biology yesterday, we were celebrating the fact that we're finally done dissecting the fetal pigs. Biology is right before lunch for me, so I was especially full after eating one of my friends' octuple brownies. That's a lot of chocolate, so I didn't really eat lunch because that brownie was sitting at the bottom of my stomach all afternoon. I ate a few things, but I saved my granola bar thinking I would eat it later. Come on, it was a Butterfinger granola bar. In psychology, we were working on our final projects and watching a movie. My friend mentioned to me that she was hungry, so knowing I had that granola bar in my purse (and thinking I was gonna eat it at home; how selfish), I asked her if she wanted it and she said yes. So I gave it to her because I didn't want to be selfish at the time. She was excited that it was Butterfinger. We have something in common. Giving her that granola bar made me feel good. It was my good deed of the day I guess.

Jesus said, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." Matthew 25:35-36

I believe my friend was Jesus yesterday. She was hungry and I gave her something to eat. I want to serve Him and in order to do so I need to serve my friends and strangers too. Think about it. What do you want to do? Serve yourself or serve Him?

Another year older

It's true. Today I'm officially another year older. Well not only that, but today at 12:05 this afternoon, I turned into an adult. I'm officially 18. That's amazing.

Today I got a lot of Happy Birthdays from friends and stuff. It was especially embarrassing when my biology 2 class sang Happy Birthday to me. That's one problem with having your birthday on a school day. At least, it wasn't the band singing it. There's a reason most of us are in band and that reason is some of us can't sing. I probably shouldn't say that about me since my church choir believes I can sing and I do have two solos this year. Geez, I should practice.

Our youth group was going to an internet safety presentation tonight at our middle school. Because it's my birthday, I just decided to stay home since my parents wanted to have a special dinner for me. I know of a few other people who didn't want to go and ended up not going to the presentation, so all is good with that. I shouldn't say this, but my little joke with my pastor/piano teacher was that if we didn't go, there could be three kids missing next week. After I started naming off who was gonna be gone, he said I didn't get to choose, but I figured out the three who could be now since there are three that I know of who didn't go. Maybe there were even more.

One reason for the presentation is that lately school districts near mine has been having trouble with kids sending bad pictures of themselves to the entire school via their cell phone. Sorry guys, but I have better judgment and morals than that. Why would I want to send a dirty picture of myself? Wait...why would I take a dirty picture of myself and send it to people who I don't really know?

I wouldn't. I also not to be cocky or anything, but I've been on computers longer than most of my friends because I grew up on them, so I know internet safety. Plus we've had internet safety classes in school. I know what to not go onto.

So anyways, I stayed home and ate cake from Coldstone Creamery. It was so good. It was a peanut butter cup cake basically. So good! I know I said that already. I also got a call from some friends who I haven't talked to in a couple of months, which was cool. I got some cool stuff like Wii Fit. We've been messing with that one a bit tonight. My dad's fitness age is 60. I was at 33 at the start, but got down to 18, which was cool.

In the mail today, I got another thing from ATF or Acquire The Fire. It's addressed to the youth director at my house. Do I look like a youth director? I may be 18, but I'm no youth director. The last time they sent me something, it was a big box. Why do I keep getting these things? I really don't understand it.

Oh and did I mention that all week is like a party for me. On Monday, I had my marching band banquet. It was ok. It was actually kinda annoying. There was some disappointment that I don't feel like talking about because I'm just gonna let it go. Band isn't that important to me anyways. Then yesterday, I went out with my friend and my aunt to go shopping at Agape bookstore for my Birthday present from my aunt. I got a book called Dateable. No, I'm not dating yet, but I just find dating books very interesting. Actually I love all kinds of youth books. I love spiritual books. I have a ton of purity teen books on dating and such. Tonight I had dinner and cake with my parents and neighbor/adopted grandma. Tomorrow is my uncle's birthday, so we're having a family get together at my aunt's house with some of my extended family for both birthdays. Then on Friday, we have a renewal service and there's a potluck, but I'm not sure if I'll go to that yet. I might just be dead tired and sleep on Friday. On Saturday, I'm going to check out a few colleges.

Anyways, I think that's all I've got for today. I'm so tired tonight and ready for bed. Two more days of school until the weekend. Oh and geez, I forgot that I need to practice piano for my lesson tomorrow, but practicing will have to wait until tomorrow because it's getting late here. Hey if practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, then why practice?

In God We Trust

This should sound really familiar to you. Why? Because it's on all of our money except for a few choice coins, which didn't have it by accident. But that's a different story learned in government class for a later date maybe.

Speaking of government class, today we took a literacy test. If you don't know what that is, it was a test given to African Americans in order to not allow them to vote. It has 58 questions and you have to do it in 15 minutes. If you didn't know the answer or got any answer wrong, you couldn't vote. That's just sad. Well, I got a lot wrong, but among the ones I got right was the one asking about what saying is on all of our money: In God We Trust.

In God We Trust. This got me thinking, but not really about government, which I should have been concentrating on since I have a test tomorrow. It got me thinking about an idea one of the guys told me about in youth group last night.

We have a rock in my town that everyone paints on. This one guy in my youth group said he wanted to write "Impeach Obama" on it and just sit waiting for anyone to change it. At first I laughed at it. I'm not that negative about Obama. I don't trust him, yes, and I don't really like him. So? I'm also no longer into doing radical things like painting "Impeach Obama" on a rock. It could be my age or my careless attitude towards politics, but I'm just not into that kind of stuff.

Actually I used to rebel a lot or at least act like I was going to when I was younger. I'm over that stuff now. I don't feel like rebelling.

In God We Trust. Does that mean anything to you? Have you ever even thought about what the dollar says on the back of it? This nation was built believing in God.

In God We Trust. Do you hate who the next president is going to be? Are you a Republican? Are you a Democrat? Are you caught in the middle? It doesn't matter. God doesn't look at that kind of stuff. If you're among those so opposed to Obama being president, I suggest you take up with the Big Man Himself, because it's what He chose for the United States.

I think more than anything, those of us who aren't exactly happy with who the next president is, we need to trust God. He knows what's right for us.

Makin' History

I absolutely hate politics. I know I should care more about it than I do, but I just hate everything about it. I know that the nation would be chaos without government though. I'm a senior in high school and so you probably know what class I'm in. Yep, government. My history teacher last year said that this would be a cool year for us because of the election. I don't like everything that goes on with elections. I'm glad the political ads are done for this year finally. It was annoying enough.

About a week ago, we took a political party test to see which we fit in with. I'm a hardcore moderate. I'm not leaning either way. But when we voted for presidents yesterday in class, I took the Republican side. To be completely honest, Obama scares me and I don't really trust him. Maybe you should be glad that I didn't get to vote this year because my birthday is next week. I missed it by a week. Darn, I was so sad...not.

But I'm not here to tell you about how much I hate politics. I'm tired of people telling me that Obama is making history. Yes, he's the 44th president and he's black. First this morning, my band teacher, who is a hardcore democrat (but we're not really supposed to know that), he told us that we should be amazed or something like that because Obama is making history. Then last hour of the day, my government teacher tells us the same thing. Oh my! We're witnessing history being made. I should be so amazed, right? I'm not and let me tell you why.

Obama, you may be making history right now, but so am I. Each and every one of us makes history every day of our lives. So I don't have tvs on me right now like Obama probably does. It doesn't matter. I'm still making history. How?

Do you write in journals? I do everyday and I love it. I have three main journals right now: my day to day journal, my prayer journal, and my dream journal (as in REM sleep dreams). I've been writing blogs since I was in 8th grade starting with my first ever blog on Xanga. However, I've been writing in journals for way longer. I've been writing in journals since about kindergarten or first grade. My very first diary was one with a lock and I used to write "Dear Diary" a lot. Journals? How are you making history with that?

Well, last year after our last youth pastors left, we got a new Sunday school teacher in the girls class who said we were going to start writing in journals about whatever we want because we're writing our life stories. Actually you know what? God has the story and this is how I see it: He's telling it through us and we're writing it down. It's kinda like the Bible, that's how I see it anyways. We've kinda slipped away from that in Sunday school though, which really bugs me because when we first started talking about it, I was all in. I was ready to write it all out. And while my fellow friends in that class really haven't engaged in it, I have. I love to write as you may be able to tell with this blog.

I'm hoping that someday I will be able to share my journals, life story, etc. with my children. That's one reason I love to write in journals. I know that one day someone else will read about my life. I also like to go back through blogs and journals to see how far I've come since then.

Have you listened to Matthew West's song History? It goes like this:

It's been a bad day
You've been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes
A world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it's hard to believe Let me refresh your memory

CHORUS
Yesterday is history And history is miles away
So, leave it all behind you
But let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history

You know you can't stay right where you fell
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let's take a walk into today
And don't let your past get in the way

Would you believe that you are history in the making, in the making?
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

Matthew West is right. History is in the making. Don't worry about one bad day, it's history. One day shouldn't break you.

Jesus said, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

I'm hoping to leave a legacy. Actually I know I'm leaving a legacy. In church, as much as I don't want it to be, my legacy I fear I'll leave is my flute playing. I like playing flute at church, it's a talent for God. I don't play because people like me to play on Sunday mornings and they all say they miss it, but do they not realize why I'm playing? Or who I'm playing for? It's not for them as pretty as it may sound, it's not for them. I play for God.

Sanctus Real sings this:

What will they say when I'm gone,
In words that are written in stone?
Under my name, what will they claim about me?

Oh, I want to leave a legacy to be remembered.
More than just a memory that fades away
Because we only, we only get one life

Free me, my hands are tied
I'm so tired of wasting time
These endless inventions
Steal my attention from real life
And when its done, when its over

Oh, I want to leave a legacy to be remembered
More than just a memory that fades away
Because we only, we only get one life

And will the world see Christ
When they look at my life?
Oh, will the world see?

Mmm, come on, give me, give me, give me real life
And no more, no more, no more wasting time
Because we only, we only get one life (Just one Life)

Oh, I want to leave a legacy to be remembered
More than just a memory that fades away
Because we only, (Get one shot, at this one life) We only (One moment in time)
Because we only, we only get one life

I want to leave a legacy and not a memory that fades away. I'm afraid playing the flute is just a memory that will fade from their minds once I move on. Honestly what will people see when they look at my life? What will they see when they look at my history? Will it be good? Or will it be bad? I don't know. I hope it's good. I don't want to remembered for something bad. You know what I would love to be remembered for (and forgive me for saying this, but the leadership book I just finished told me that I should tell people these kinds of things)? I want to be remembered for my humor; making people laugh and making them realize that life doesn't suck. I want them to feel the love of God. I want them to see Christ when they look at my life. I want to make people think deeper than they ever have. I want to change the lives of those reading this by what I write here. I want to be remembered for using my spiritual gifts to the best of my ability how ever God chooses to use me.

Yes, Obama, you just made history. But you're not the only one. Remember even we as people who aren't politicians and celebrities are making history. And remember that one day is no big deal, it will just be one bad day of history in your life. Out of the many days of your life I imagine there probably aren't that many bad days, which is a good thing. Don't worry so much about yesterday or tomorrow, listen to Jesus. You and I are making history today right now. What do you want to be remembered for?

Are you even listening?

"I was "working" today, but not really because I couldn't really do what they were doing." I said.
"What were they doing?" My mom asked.
"Putting dry wall up on the ceiling. But I did have to help out when Noah left."
"Why did Noah leave? What did you have to do?" My mom asked picking up her phone and dialing a number.
"He had to go when his parents came. I had to put--"
"Hey dad, there's some stuff in the freezer and a cake for mom too. Ok, talk to you later."
She puts the phone down.
"You know I was talking to you." I said.
"Yes, and I was listening. You were talking about Noah. Go on."

I don't know about you, but this is what a normal conversation with my mother is like. Her cellphone is never very far from her face. While this conversation might not be exactly quote to quote of one of the conversations tonight, it's pretty close. I was talking about my day while we were eating dinner and she just picked up her phone and started talking to my grandpa.

This happens to me a lot in my family. I know my mom loves me, but sometimes I just feel like she just doesn't care enough. And it's not just my mom, it's actually a lot of people in my family. I'm neither the youngest or the oldest cousin in my family. I'm in the middle and while I see a lot of my other middle cousins getting the attention, I don't always feel like people are listening to me. This feeling really sucks.

I feel like I have to fight for my conversations. I sometimes feel like I don't have a say in certain things. I feel like it's a fight for survival. No wonder I don't really talk at a lot of our family gatherings. I really feel like no one wants to hear what I'm saying. I feel like no one cares.

Gee, that also sounds familiar. I feel like I have to fight for my conversations in my church family too particularly in Sunday school. It's way worse in Sunday school. And just to let you know, I'm probably the only one who feels this way in that class. I do feel like no one cares.

Everyone in my Sunday school class seems to think I'm a good listener. Why do you think that is? Probably because I never say anything in Sunday school. I'm kinda afraid to say anything in Sunday school anymore. Every time I do, it feels like they just don't even think about what I've said. Though even when I'm only with one or two of these friends, they say I'm a good listener. You don't really have a choice when your friends really like to talk. I'm not saying that's a bad thing.

I'm not trying to be self-centered. I don't want a lot of attention actually. I just want to feel like what I'm saying is actually penetrating someone's mind. I don't want what I say to go in one ear and out the other. Are you listening to me?

Sometimes I feel invisible to the world around me. And some may say that I need to get out there and be noticed. I don't want a lot of attention though. Probably why one of my favorite things to do is pray. Praying is a behind the scenes type thing and I really enjoy it. You don't have to tell anyone you're praying, but you can if you want to.

I'm not invisible and I know that. The world might not take me seriously at times and listen to what I'm saying. My family and Sunday school class might not listen to me either. No one in this world may be reading this blog right now. But I do know the One who will listen to my cries, praises, prayers, and everything else. And that One as you may have already guessed is God.

And don't think that He only listens to me. How self-centered would it be to think that? What would the point be if God only cared about one person? He doesn't care just solely about me. He cares about each and every one of you. And He wants a personal relationship with you if you choose to receive Him.

Some people may turn away from God because they think He's not listening. Just because God doesn't do anything right away doesn't mean He's not listening. He has open ears 24/7. If you ask God for something, He will give it to you. He may not give it right away, but He will give it to you eventually. Maybe He's just saying, not right now to you. In that case, you should be patient.

Though on the subject of wanting a pony for your birthday, you might have to wait a few years for that.

I pray about the same things with added things every night. Does it get boring? No. I love praying. Is God listening to my cries and praises? Yes. How do I know? I can tell when He comforts me. I love praying for the same people because I trust and know that God is working in them.

A few thoughts for you. Forget me, you don't even have to listen to me. But what if God is speaking through me and you didn't know it? What if God is speaking through someone you know, but you aren't listening to them? Should you be? If you're not listening to us, are you listening to God?

You should be. Why? Because He holds the plan to your life. He knows you more than you know yourself and He knows just how to help you in your time of need. So stop looking to other things for comfort, and focus on God.

But seek his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33