Where'd I go?

I've been pondering my existence today for some reason or another. It's not really my existence, but me in general. I was morely thinking of all the people who have helped me change. I'm sure, you can't exactly tell this, but I've changed in the last year. I'm not who I was at this time last year. I'm something different. Just ask my pastor, youth pastors, some of my friends, or my aunt. When I was saved a couple of years ago, everything changed, but I felt the same. This year is just different. It's almost like I've gotten saved again. I'm now thinking that maybe I wasn't ready or didn't understand when I first got saved. While pondering upon this, I realized that I'm the only one of my friends right now that I can tell anyways, who has changed over the last year. I've matured through certain issues that I've gone through, and it has made me a stronger person. I'm not like them anymore. I listen in Sunday school and to the sermons. I'm sure they are listening, but I'm not sure that they take much out of it. It used to be a fact that half of what you learned on Sunday was forgotten on Monday, but I remember what my youth pastor talked about to some extent last Wednesday. I remember last sunday's sermon too. I guess what I want to know is when will my friends change too and be like me. Have you changed this year?

I wrote the above blog on December 16, 2006. Today I have some questions. Where did that Chelsea go? I miss her. Did she leave along with the youth pastors? What happened? I'm still different from my friends, but I don't feel that radical anymore. When will my friends change too and be like me? My answer to my own question is probably never. They just aren't anything like me.

Probably my favorite part of that blog post was the comment one of my youth pastors left me. It is such a confidence booster. It says: I'm so proud of you-you are one person that I know has finally gotten it and it only took a year of knowing you. You have a wonderful heart that really cares and wants more than anything to cut through the crap-the spiritual act that we do on Sundays-and really meet God on a personal level every day of your life. You are very special to us and we are so thankful to have had the opportunity to know you.

Even today, what he said back then means so much to me. I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to know both of them. I'm extremely thankful that they're still in my life still helping me grow up.

What really gets me the most every time I read it is "You have a wonderful heart that really cares and wants more than anything to cut through the crap-the spiritual act that we do on Sundays-and really meet God on a personal level every day of your life." Ok, so I know that's basically the whole statement, but still it means so much to me.

Back then I know he was talking about me wanting and truly desiring more than anything to listen to his lessons, but they hardly ever got throughly explained because the youth group was always talking.

The same is true today. I want to cut through the crap I'm going through with youth group right now. Where is my relationship going? I think even though fellowship is good, that it is time to take my faith into my own hands. I need God more than anything. I really need and want to meet God on a personal level every day. Currently youth group isn't helping that. And especially now that all we ever do is argue.