Graduate Breakfast

Today at church, we had a breakfast for the graduating seniors. No, I haven't graduated yet, but that does happen a week from today. We had muffins, fruit, pancakes, and some other stuff. It was so good and I got so full.

We were asked to invite people who had influenced our spiritual lives up to that point. I have a few people to thank for where I am today, but I didn't invite all of them. I'm thankful for what my parents have done for me. My dad and I get into really spiritual talks in the middle of the night sometimes. Then I'm thankful for our pastor who is also my piano teacher for putting up with me throughout the years. We have had some great spiritual talks during my piano lessons. I'm also thankful for what my Aunt Ann has done for me. She's another great person to talk to about spiritual things. Finally, I would have invited them, but what's the point if you know they probably can't? I hate to say it, but I probably should have invited my old youth pastors, Matt and Lindsay. I didn't because I know how busy they are with their new church and new youth group.

Matt and Lindsay really impacted me with the time I spent with them. They're really great people.

So we all got books today. I got The Purpose Driven Life for Graduates. It's kinda ironic because I've been wanting to read The Purpose Driven Life, but I haven't gotten around to finding my parents' copy. I think it's pretty cool. I think it was also meant to be.

This evening, I was supposed to go out with my family for dinner, but I've done that all weekend it seems, so some friends from youth group called me up and I went to a park in town with them. We had so much fun!

We played Hide-n-Seek. Then ran away from our youth leader for a while. That was entertaining. We got really scared by him a few times. Then we played the Ha Game. It's where you lay on the ground with your head on someone's belly. You go around the circle saying ha, haha, hahaha, etc. and trying not to laugh. It was hilarious. I think I'm still trying to catch my breath. That game really released some endorphins. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I kinda wonder how many calories I may have burned from laughing so much.

It was a great end to a great day.

Play It Piano Girl!

This evening I played in my last piano recital. I'm kinda sad about that. But in a few years, I might consider coming back to play in another recital. It'll be a homecoming.

Last night was my last piano lesson too. I've been taking lessons since 2000, so about 9 years. I've been with the same teacher for that long. Plus he's the pastor of the church I go to. I can't believe we put up with each other for that long. Haha, I'm just kidding. He's a really cool guy. I'm really gonna miss have piano lessons on Thursdays next year. Of all his students besides his kids, I've been taking lessons from him the longest.

What I said earlier about us putting up with each other for so long, you know that's a joke right? Throughout the years, I've gone through about 3 different flute teachers. They're always so serious and expect me to practice. My piano teacher wants me to practice, but he knows how busy I get. He also gets the fact that the piano is my escape. When I need to get my mind off of something, I sit down and bang on the piano.

I did that today actually. That's what I did all after school. I was furious. I'm so tired, tired of math class. So basically what I did was play all the loud, fast songs that I could. I was mad, but it made me feel better. Then I practiced my recital pieces. Both are fast, cheery songs.

I wasn't as nervous tonight as I usually am for recitals. I don't know if it was the fact that not many people were there, or maybe I was just ready. I messed up, but I'm not upset about it. I always expect to mess up and it doesn't really bother me. Messing up is just a part of getting better. And when I do mess up on music, I just laugh. I think it's funny to make mistakes. I wish the younger kids would realize that and understand that it's not a big deal. Mistakes are a part of playing piano in front of people.

By the way, the picture of me up there was taken when I was in 8th grade. It was used for an 8th grade project that the English classes do called the 8th grade book. I was just showing my hobbies.

Piano is something I'll definitely take with me. And hey, I only almost started crying when my pastor/piano teacher and his oldest daughter were singing the last song. It was so pretty!

The stories I write

Ok, so I know you know I'm a writer. I write all these blogs of course. But sometimes I like to let my creativity run rampant in other ways. Sometimes when I have to write stories for English class or whatever class, I can be very random. I can be very funny with my stories. But also very serious.

You probably won't see any of my more serious, yet laid back stories on here though. I have put my stories like my Pi Day story and my what if one character were still alive story on here. But generally you probably won't see my other stories.

Currently I have 4 stories in the making. I just keep getting writer's block, so I quit writing for a while. One reason I don't share these stories on here is that I don't take criticism lightly. I kinda take it badly especially when hearing it from friends.

For instance, I've let a couple friends read two of the stories and the first and second friend really liked them and wanted to see where they would go to. But the third friend thinks she basically knows why I'm writing these stories and knows the stories have to do with real life.

I didn't get a good vibe toward that friend. She thought it was kinda weird. I knew it was gonna be a bad idea to let her read the stories, but she was kinda annoyed that I let two of my other friends read it and not her. So what if my stories are based upon real life? I can't help writing about it. I really enjoy writing about it and not using real life names. My stories may involve some of my memories in them, but they're not the same thing.

Ever since that last friend read the stories, I can't bring myself to let anyone else read my stories. I think it would be better if I got people who don't know me quite as well and don't know my history so well to read my stories because the criticism wouldn't be as harsh and they wouldn't know that my stories have anything to do with some of the memories I have. But I haven't gotten to that point yet.

Getting revenge!

Ok, first of all, understand that I'm totally not really being serious here. I'm not really gonna get revenge, but this is bugging me today, so I'm gonna write about it. Hey, it's better than actually getting revenge. Jesus wouldn't want us to get revenge.

Ok, so what am I talking about?

Well my next door neighbor is an elderly lady who is taken care of by her sons and daughters and stuff. And one of her caretakers keeps calling the cops on my family. Ok, not really our family, but our business. If you didn't know it, my parents own a flower business. The reason the cops are being called is that people park on the wrong side of the street.

I'm not really sure why that bothers her so much to want to call the cops. Is she afraid more accidents will occur? Well she should know that one of her assistants hit my car while it was parked across the street from the driveway on the correct side of the street last year. That left a dent in my car and my mirror had to be duct taped on for a while until we got a new mirror for me.

I guess I understand the fact that it's wrong to park on the side of the street that my house is on, but sometimes it's the only convenient thing for people to do. She really isn't getting any benefit out of calling the cops on us and to think she bought tomato plants from us a few weeks ago. She apparently doesn't hate the business, just the cars. And actually she's really bothering the cops by calling them so much. They don't want to show up, but they do because they have to when they get called.

So my brother and I were coming up with funny ideas of revenge tonight. Mind you, we won't be getting any revenge anytime soon. We were just discussing the ideas.

One we thought about parking behind the lady in the driveway. Or just parking in front of the driveway to block her. Then parking on the wrong side of the street going the wrong way. We could block her real driveway because we know who she is and where she lives (no we're not stalkers, we just know the family).

Then I was going to worship practice tonight and thought of two funny ideas. We should call the cops on her and say there is a suspicious character in the neighborhood or something. Or we could give her a real reason to call the cops on us. We could have a crazy party.

Ok, seriously though, I would never do any of this to get revenge. It's just kinda funny to me to come up with all these ways to get revenge. It is way better to talk and not do especially if it could get you into some trouble, so yeah definitely not doing any of it.

Make it better...NOW!

Is it just me or is my school trying to be really good this year? No, it's not the students or the staff. The students could obviously care less. The staff, I'm sure, they're ok with how our school looks. But our principal seems to have a plan.

I'm not trying to get down on her at all. I'm just giving my farewell opinion since I won't be here next year.

There have been a lot of new rules and regulations put in since we got this new principal. I'm sorry, but in a way, it's kinda unfair to my class to have to graduate with a principal that was assistant principal for so long, but I don't know that she knows that much about us.

I don't know if this is really a new rule or anything, but our tornado drills are ridiculous. What are we, 3rd graders? Do they not realize how uncomfortable it is to get on our knees with our hands over our heads against a wall for how ever long they expect us to sit there.

One of our new assistant principals, who absolutely terrifies me, seems to be running these things. Actually both of the assistant principals scare me. The first scares me because back in October I got interrogated by him and I haven't gotten over that episode yet. And I'm not even a trouble maker. The second guy I haven't even dealt with, but he's big and it just scares me. The first guy, he just has the harshest tone.

For instance our tornado drills. We had one in my Practical Law class last week and our teacher just said go sit under the tables against the wall since we have a class in a computer lab. But then the first assistant principal came in and yelled at us and told us to get on our knees against the wall and with our hands over our heads.

Ok, seriously, when I was in middle school and we had tornadoes rage through during April, we didn't sit like that. We sat against the walls and lockers for probably two hours. I'm sure it would make more sense if the tornado were an actual threat to the school though.

It doesn't seem like the school has been the same nice place it has always been this year. What happened to the love? The assistant principals are so harsh. We have a teacher in the school who used to work at a boot camp, or maybe still does and has worked in prisons and he's one of the nicest teachers I've ever met. He deals with the troublesome kids who have troubled lives, but before he taught here, he was a substitute teacher and I had him for a sub in middle school a few times.

I'm really not trying to upset any school administrators who might just happen to read this blog. Our principal wants to make all these changes right away. I see her sometimes at lunch, but really I don't see her all too often. What's she doing? Is she just staying in her office all day? I know principals are busy people too. Our last principal made an effort everyday to be in the commons (our cafeteria area) and he was outside in the afternoons or mornings making sure the buses got out and stuff. I'm trying not to get too down on the new principal.

It can't feel that great being the new guy, more like girl, on the job. I imagine it's probably really hard for her. And it doesn't help that I'm here criticizing everything.

It's just that I feel like she doesn't understand that great things take time. You can't just rush us into things. You can't force us to make things better right now. If you want to make something great, you need to give it time.

It's like a musician. I'm a pianist who has a final recital on Friday. I'm not going to just pull a piece of music out of thin air and play it (wouldn't that be cool?). I've been practicing for probably over a month for this recital. And even with how long I've been practicing, I know I'll still mess up on Friday. Sometimes that happens. I don't mind the mess ups because they only make you better later on in life. Not that you need to know this, but I laugh at my mistakes because they're not something to get worked up about.

Improving our school can be taken the same way. She can institute all these new rules and regulations, but we're probably not gonna want to follow them right away. I think she needs to start a little more slowly. And she may think that we've been slow enough for all these years that we need to take it up a notch, but take it from a musician. You're not gonna be able to just pick it up and play it, you gotta start slow and practice it.

Also this doesn't help, but if practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, then why practice?

I guess to improve. So you're not gonna be perfect, you can at least improve every time you play.

This year hasn't been a complete dud. My principal I have to say, she's a lot nicer and doesn't scare me as much as the assistant principals. It's probably because she's a girl and girls tend to be more compassionate. No offense guys. I just know that guys go through a phase when they want to kill everything meaning little creatures like ants. Guys are a lot more tough or at least they think they are. I know girls are a lot more emotional.

Basically, our school isn't gonna get better unless we give it time, but still put in the effort to help make it better. I just don't agree with a whole lot of new rules and regulations during the first year of this new principal. You gotta take things gradually. There's no use in raising the standards right now. We're just getting used to trimesters and you can't just add a heaping amount of rules onto that. It's unfair enough that we had to get trimesters this year and that Michigan is raising standards and cutting budgets, so teachers are getting the pink slip.

Don't make me go!

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Aren't I always think about something a lot lately? Well, yeah I think too much and I'm not afraid to admit to it.

This particular thought came to me sometime last week or a couple weeks ago. It may have got shoved to the back of my brain for a while, but it's still there in some aspects and exactly why I feel the need to discuss it here.

With last week being my last week of youth group, it's one of those things I'm really thinking about. Reality.

I'm an adult and sometimes I really hate that. And to think that I've only been an adult for 6 months. The title of this could go either way I'm sure.

Don't make me leave youth group! I'm not ready!

Or

Don't make me go to the adult group! I'm not ready!

So we're stuck here in the middle. It really kinda sucks being here in the middle especially if your church doesn't have a young adult/college group.

This year I've done a couple of things. I switched Sunday schools for a while to go with my aunt's adult class. It was targeted for any age group. I've also started going to a Bible study at my neighbor's house.

There are two problems I have with being in adult Bible studies or Sunday school. One is that sometimes I feel like they don't want me to be there and second is that sometimes I feel like they don't really listen to what I'm saying or really understand.

I skipped out on my aunt's class a couple of times and I've written blogs about it. My aunt sometimes reads my blogs and she commented one time saying that the adults actually like hearing from people of a different generation. It's refreshing I guess.

Last night at my neighbor's Bible study, I didn't really feel wanted. And I'm gonna apologize now for anyone in that group who may be reading this. The world doesn't revolve around me. I know that. I just didn't say anything or really contribute yesterday. I shouldn't say I didn't feel wanted because I really didn't want to talk, so I sat there.

I also have a personal problem in a way. If the things I'm studying don't stay interesting, I get bored really easily. In youth group, all year we pretty much talked about parables and they were really interesting. I've heard most of the parables before, but our pastor just refreshed my mind of the parables. He wanted us to see what this tells us about God. That was usually the question of the week actually.

Even with my aunt's class, I got bored of it. I'm sorry to say it, but I'm kinda bored of this Bible study too. It's a routine thing. We do the same thing every week. I'm not just getting on that Bible study, it was also happening with my aunt's class. I just got bored, so naturally I went back to my old Sunday school class and I've been there for a few months now. We hardly ever get anything done in that class though.

See? I'm kinda caught in the middle. I feel like after 9 years in youth group, it hasn't been enough. I wish I could stay in it, but my church won't allow that. After this summer, I'm out completely.

As they say in the show Grey's Anatomy, "We're adults. When did that happen and how do we make it stop?"

I agree. How do we make it stop? Don't make me go!

Remembering the day

Today is Memorial Day. I actually got up early this morning and my band teacher was so proud of me too. Wait a second, let me explain.

My band teacher will probably never let me forget this. On Memorial Day when I was in 10th grade, I kinda overslept. My parents never woke me up. So I had to scramble to get ready for marching band. I actually missed the band too. Ok, so I did have to jump in, in the middle of the parade. It was funny actually and my band teacher forgave me, but he'll never let me forget it.

Anyways, back to the real idea of Memorial Day. You know real quick, just thinking about what today is and my sophomore year, it is quite fitting. I'm remembering that day today. It haunts me.

Ok, onward we go. Memorial Day is a time for us to remember those who have fought or are fighting in wars. But one of the pastors at my church also got me thinking today when he said he's thankful for the One who died for us.

I had never thought about it that way before, but I'm glad he said it and got me thinking. It's a really good idea. Today we're remembering things that are happening in the world or have happened. And we need to remember who brought us to this place as well.

You know, I'm thankful for those serving in wars for our freedom. If they didn't, we probably wouldn't be where we are today. But as the one pastor at my church said, I'm also thankful for the One who died for us.

My lasts

I'm starting to really hate this month. It's tearing me up in a lot of ways. My last youth group was last week. My last piano lesson is this week. My last Memorial Day parade as part of the Pride of Chelsea Marching Band was today. Ugh.

I'm really graduating. I think I need someone to pinch me or wake me up. Is this real life?

People ask me all the time if I'm excited. I'm more scared than excited. I'm not sure I'm ready for this new adventure that is ahead of me. And I know I'll have people commenting on this saying that yes, I am indeed ready for this new adventure, but really do you know that? I don't think they do know that for sure. They know when they're ready, but how then do they know I'm ready. You can't just base it off of yourself. I'm not the same as everyone else.

But you know what? God knows more than any of us when we're ready to move on and He will make sure we push forward. He will never abandon us when we need Him the most. I need Him right now getting ready for this big transition in my life.

My dad has been telling me all year long that it's my year of firsts and lasts. It's so true. Now getting down to the days of graduation, I'm sad because of all these lasts. I was really sad about youth group last week and I know I'll be really sad about my piano lessons this week. I've been with the same teacher for almost 9 years. Can you believe that he put up with me for that long? Haha, I'm just kidding.

Did you get caught skipping?

Yes, I am a skipper. I completely skipped school today. Though if I had had a choice, I think I would have rather gone to school. Did I get caught skipping? No, of course not. My parents don't care especially because I'm a senior. My brother, a sophomore, went to school today and as did all the underclassmen. The seniors, however, skipped.

Oh come on, not a big deal, it was Senior Skip Day at my school today. The name says it all. The seniors get to skip this day every year. The teachers do not want us in class because they do this thing called Moving Up Day where all the underclassmen get to see what their schedules are like for next year. That's during the morning hours. Then in the afternoon they have underclassmen awards. It's usually a fun day. I wish I could have gone.

I'm not saying I didn't have a good day. It was just tiring. My family had company over this morning and I didn't get much sleep last night. The kids of the company we had were fun to play with, but like I said, I was tired. So we played a bit of Rock Band and they went swimming for a little bit. This afternoon I had to go fill out some forms to get my passport. As useful as it is, it was just annoying. I didn't get to nap this afternoon. I don't think I would have slept much anyways. Instead, I did math homework and practical law homework.

Do most seniors spend their Senior Skip Day doing homework? I don't think so, but I'm an exception. I mentioned it on my Twitter and on my Facebook that I would have rather been at school today, which got some comments. Most seniors by now are ready to be done. I'm just the exception. They all want out and don't want to come to school. I want to go to school and I feel guilty sometimes when I miss it and I love to learn.

Senioritis affects me in some ways, but it hasn't taken complete control of my life. I'm trying to finish out strong.

I don't know. I can't exactly explain why I like school so much, but I do. I know a lot of people go because of friends and that's great, but I like to go to learn.

9 Years of Youth Group

You might think I'm crazy when I say this, but it's a true statement and no I'm not a youth pastor. I've been going to youth group for about 9 years now. Ever since I was about 9 years old. That's about as long as I've been going to the church I go to.

Tonight was a significant night at youth group because it was the seniors last Wednesday night gathering. That makes me so sad.

Real quick though. In my picture that's about how many kids we had when we joined. That picture was taken in Arizona at Sun Valley Indian School, which is like our second home. The girl in front is actually graduating next year. But the three behind her, are all seniors this year. And the last boy standing to the side doesn't come to my church. That was taken when us seniors were in 6th grade.

Tonight we did the usual. Ok, what is usual? Well we played a game, which was charades. The charades were of things we had done this past year like the Christmas program we helped with and the fun games we played.

Then we had a serious talk, but it was a short talk. It was the parable of the 10 virgins. It was short, sweet, and to the point I guess.

At the beginning of youth group, our pastor wanted us to think about two questions. One was only for the seniors and the other was for both groups. The senior question was, what would you like to tell the younger kids in youth group? And the other question was, what was your favorite part of youth group this year?

So at the end of our serious talk, we talked about what we most enjoyed during the year. There were lots of things. I enjoyed this game or that game. A lot of kids enjoyed the 30 Hour Famine. It was great hearing what these kids enjoyed.

Then our pastor asked us to all act mature for a bit and be quiet to listen to what the seniors had to say. The first person to answer the question was our pastor's daughter. She talked about being the start of the youth group because she's been here since the start and she's going to miss everyone, but she was glad everyone came this year and made it her best year yet. And she also wants everyone to keep coming.

I went next. I basically talked about the same thing. I have been in this youth group for 9 years and I was there near the start, but I wasn't with the start. My joke was that I had to deal with the pastor's daughter for so long, but she knew I was kidding. My advice to them, was to take advantage of the time they have with youth group. They say it in high school all the time to the underclassmen because high school will fly by. Wait, yesterday I was a freshman, what happened?

The pastor stopped us then to explain one thing. The pastor's daughter and I are different in why we go to church. Some of us have to go to church and complain about it. But some of us don't have to go. I was never forced to go to this church. Ok, one time for Vacation Bible School, but that's it and after that I just wanted to go. So in my youth group there are kids who may be forced, but there are also kids who know what that's like. There are also kids who may just choose to go and there are kids like me who also choose to just come.

Mostly the conversation of all of us seniors talked about staying active in youth group because it's the best group to be in, in high school. And take advantage of the time you have with these people.

I didn't start crying until our one junior, the pastor's other daughter, thanked the seniors on behalf of the entire youth group. She just thanked us for being who we were. But before she could thank us, she started crying. At that point, I also had tears in my eyes. She ran out of the room and then there was a line of crying going on. But then my friend sitting next me said something funny and I started laughing, but I was still crying. Then I couldn't control myself and it was a laughing/crying fit. It was so emotional. I think I might cry again.

After our sentimental stuff, we had some treats. It was a great way to end youth group for the summer. I'm now beginning to realize that this is really it. And I don't want to say that it's breaking my heart, but it kinda is. This youth group is all I've known for the longest time. I mean I have a life besides youth group, but youth group is always the highlight of my week. It keeps me sane.

You know some of these kids will never know what being in a 5 person youth group is like. It's small that's for sure. I'm so thankful for the time I've gotten to spend with my youth group wherever we've been. I've especially liked getting on the teens cases who don't always come to youth group every week. I just want everyone to go youth group I guess or else I ask what's going on that they can't come. I'm so thankful for being in a youth group that cares so much about everyone. I'm thankful for the friends I've gotten in youth group. I hope the youth group continues to grow and flourish.

You know that's the other thing I've been thinking a lot about today. Not the whole growing thing exactly, but 5 years from now, what will that be like? I had to fill out a survey for my band class today and my teacher asked where I would like to be in 5 years. You don't know this about me or youth group, but some time in the fall, we did a time capsule thing that our youth leader said he would give us back our stuff in 5-10 years. Who knows where we'll be then? Well God does, but it takes time for us to learn where we're going.

But yeah, I've just been thinking a lot about where I'll be in 5 years and where the youth group will be. I just hope I can come back and visit from time to time. I'm not going that far away. Next year is going to be so different. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this change. Part of me I know is, but the other part, doesn't want to leave.

Reality sure is kicking in. I have one more day of school for this week and actually I only have 9 more days of school left. Wow, I wasn't meaning to go with the 9's tonight. Guess it was just convenient. Oh, but I'm happy because my pastor is on the school board and he'll hopefully be handing me my diploma.

I'm still sad about youth group though. I know I'll get through it, but it hurts for now. All you young people, listen up, don't waste your time. Time goes faster than you think. And usually faster when you're having fun.

Not in His Image

You know I was thinking about yesterday's blog. I am made in God's image. We all our. I forgot about this one little thing after writing my blog out yesterday. It was something my pastor was talking about.

Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? How about the Niagara Falls? How about the Great Barrier Reef? Ever seen the Rocky Mountains? Ever been to Yellowstone?

I can answer yes to about 2 of those things. I've been to the Grand Canyon and I had the experience of driving through the Rocky Mountains (not me personally driving, but someone else and boy was it scary). It would be cool to go to the Niagara Falls. I would love to go to the Great Barrier Reef or even Yellowstone. I love nature. It's really cool.

But does it say anywhere in the Bible that these things were made in God's image? I don't think so. Sure, they're gorgeous places, but they weren't created to be God's reflection. Just things God created I guess. They sure do amaze us humans.

But they weren't made in God's image. We were made in God's image.

I don't really know how a mountain would help show who God is like people can. I think mountains can show the great power that God has. He can move the mountains.

The 16th Milestone

No, not my 16th milestone. That happened to me two years ago back in 2006. Today is actually my baby brother's 16th birthday. That is a picture of him when he was about 9 years old.

That's back when he was cute. I don't know what happened to him. He's sporting the long hair look and he has a girlfriend as you may have heard me ranting about a few weeks ago.

We seemed to celebrate all through the weekend. On Saturday, we went out to dinner at Olive Garden where we had the waitress bring out a cake and sing to him. He was so embarrassed. Then tonight we went to Dairy Queen and had ice cream.

I guess it was a sweet birthday for him. Fortunately he won't be getting his license anytime soon. I say fortunately because he's a scary driver.

Ahh! We're all growing up too fast!

In His Image

I'm really glad I didn't write this blog yesterday like I had originally planned to do. I'm such a procrastinator though. And while I do have ideas for blogs, I don't always get them written out. I have this one idea still going from February. Yeah, I should probably write that one down. But anyways.

Say this with me. I am made in God's image. I am made in God's image. I AM made in God's image.

We said this three or four times today in church. The past couple of weeks we've been talking about what holiness looks like. I understood the sermon, but I always seem to get something different out of the sermon than most people. I don't know why that it is, but it just happens that way. I think most people get what the pastor talks about and just leaves it at that. I get what the pastor talks about and usually it goes elsewhere. Today his sermon did just that with me.

I was asked by some readers if I would put a picture up of what I look like now versus when I had braces. But the thing with that is I can't just put up a picture. I have to put it up for a reason. Isn't it reason enough that I was asked to put it up? Not to me it isn't. I have to have a topic going through my mind. That topic started last night while I was playing a game on the computer. That's usually how ideas start with me.

I am made in God's image. What does that mean to you? Maybe you think you're ugly (low self-esteem and low self-confidence, been there, done that), but if you're made in God's image, are you really ugly? Is God ugly? No I don't think so. I was thinking about hair color today and what color hair God has. Don't ask me why, but I was just thinking about it. I think this is correct or else it explains why I didn't do so well in physics last year, but if you take all the colors in the light spectrum and mix them, you get the color white. Now that really isn't the same as hair color, but it explains to me why I think of God as a big, bright, white light. So we're made in God's image right? I don't think you're ugly. Self-esteem and confidence issues are just a part of growing up I guess.

I have said it before that I don't care how I look. I may not have said it in any of my blogs, but I've said it to some of the younger girls in my youth group. I kinda regret saying it now because I do care about how I look, but it's not my top priority.

Oh no! My hair is out of place. It's all frizzy. My make-up is smeared. I look so bad right now.

I don't really care if my hair is out of place. It happens. And I don't wear make-up except for certain occasions. In my picture up there, I had make-up on, but not a lot. I'm not into the excessive amounts of make-up on my face. It's kinda gross to me. Besides it's just a mask. I think you're hiding who you really are when you use excessive amounts of make-up. I prefer the natural look.

I think natural beauty is the best beauty. You were made in God's image. I think natural beauty stands out more so than the fake beauty.

And don't compare yourself to supermodels and celebrities. They're fake.

I remember as a freshman being insecure and stuff, but I didn't turn to make-up. I think it's probably because my mom always wanted to put make-up on me, but I refused. I don't like the feel of it and it's just gross to me. Oh and I do freak out when I get a huge zit on my face, but I don't try to clog my pores by hiding it with make-up.

I have kinda lost my train of thought here, but you know what? I think I want to share a poem with you that I wrote last year for English class. It's called Look in the Mirror.

Look in the mirror
Who do you see?
Is it you, you see?
Or maybe it's me you see
Or maybe it's I you see
Who am I?
A girl
A reader
A writer
A comedian
A helper
A planter
An organizer
A Christian
With integrity
With acceptance
With good health
With a legacy
A leader underneath it all
With musical talent
Who am I?
Chelsea
Not originally from around here
Born of Ohio
Old life
Old Catholic school
Old friends
Let's move on
Michigan
New schools
New friends
New church
Found a new way of life
Fun new adventures
Look in the mirror
Who do you see?
Maybe it's not you that's there at all
Maybe it's just me
Looking into the mirror
Finding who I am

Look in the mirror. Who do you see? Do you see ugliness? Do you see holiness? Do you see a pretty face? What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Sometimes I see an image of God. Other times, not so much. And I'm sure you've felt this way too if you're honest enough with yourself.

One last thought I'm thinking about now. Don't think of yourself as ugly. I thought I was ugly for the longest time. Why don't the boys think I'm pretty? That was a common question for me when I was younger. I think I'm over that one now. I'm happy I'm not dating right now. When you think you're ugly, you tend to be really negative. This year has been a new year for me. I've stopped the ugliness thoughts and got to the pretty thoughts.

I am pretty. I am beautiful. I am made in God's image. And I am a work in progress because God's not done with me yet. And He's not done with you either.

Remember, we are made in God's image. I'm tempted to put that on a sticky note on the mirror in my bathroom. I might just do that too.

Brace Face

Have you heard that term used before? Brace face. Haha. I think it was once a show on tv too. A cartoon or something.

Well anyways, that's a picture of me in 9th grade. I had glasses and braces.

Now as a senior in high school, I'm for the most part without glasses (I wear contacts) and I'm with straight teeth and no braces.

I'm writing about this today because on this day 3 years ago, I got my braces taken off. I only wore them for almost 2 years. Now, I also had headgear, but I don't have a picture of that. I had a palate expander, which made it really difficult to eat spaghetti. I would choke on the spaghetti, so I couldn't eat spaghetti then.

I have a Bible that is in the form of a magazine. It's a Biblezine called Revolve and along with the Bible, it also has tips and other things for girls. One thing I found was about braces. It said this:

Brace yourself. If you're embarrassed by annoying braces on your teeth (though you really shouldn't be!), don't make the mistake of being stingy with your gorgeous smile. Keep lip color neutral, soft, and not overly shiny, and smile on with the warmth of Christ that you have in your heart. Draw attention to your shining eyes instead of to your lips, and no one will even notice the extra hardware on your teeth.

I just thought that was cool. Truth be told, I miss wearing braces. That's not something you may hear a lot. But hey, I'm weird like that. Now though, I wear retainers (or I'm supposed to). Actually I wear them off and on. As of fall of last year, I'm officially done with orthodontia, so I don't actually have to wear my retainers, but I don't want my teeth to shift back to how they were. I had a gap in between my two front teeth. My dad has that gap. I have his teeth.

That picture up there was taken probably a month before I got my braces off, so my teeth were pretty straight then. Oh yeah and after getting my braces off, my orthodontist gave me a bag of candy. Sweetness!

So if you have to get braces, don't worry about it. It's a normal part of growing up for some people. It's really not that embarrassing. A lot of people at my school have had braces. And if you're totally weird like me, you might miss having them after they get taken off.

Shine on. Smile on.

Reality starts sinking in

Ok, I don't know if you can see it very well, but I'm in that picture. That's me marching around our football stadium with the Pride of Chelsea marching band (not named after me, it's the town). I'm the one sticking out my thumbs up and my piccolo the farthest one down the line with the hat. Is that enough description for you?

I got thinking about this on Sunday. My friend mentioned on her Facebook that she was sad and she didn't think she would be, but she is. She's a senior like me and in less than a month, we're going to be graduating high school.

Great things are ahead for us I know, but still I know how she feels. I'm sad too. I have 16ish more days of school left. I'm not really ready for high school to be over with. Actually I'm really scared. I don't like change. There are four seniors in my youth group graduating and I'm gonna miss them so much next year. Two of them are leaving the state and I don't know what it will be like without seeing them so often. I'll see them at church during breaks, but that's about it. This kinda makes me feel like crying.

I think reality is finally starting to sink in for all of us seniors. And it's not only starting to sink in. It's starting to hit us real hard. Many of us have been together since elementary school. At least those that have stuck around my town since then and haven't had to move away. This is such a change for everyone.

Reality is definitely hitting me hard because I'm the one who doesn't think I'm ready to leave high school. Some days I feel this way, while others I don't. One of my locker buddies made a comment about me yesterday. She said I'm the complete opposite of all the seniors in our school. Why? Because I actually want to come to school whereas most of the seniors have already checked out. Come on guys, we can make it a little further. I'm scared! But I know God will bring me through it.

Purity Patrol

Don't worry it's not "the talk" talk that I'm talking about here. Wow, did that confuse you? Because it kinda confused me.

I am, however, gonna talk about the pharisees. Also known as the Purity Patrol. You have to excuse me on this one. Every time I see "Purity Patrol" I think about how my pastor referred to it on Sunday. He said it in an all serious low voice. It was pretty funny. It's probably one reason this idea has stuck with me.

So the pharisees and teachers of the law had certain standards right? I mean for people who were pure. I don't know all the standards, but I think I remember a few. If you're a gentile, you're not pure. If you are wealthy, you are pure. If you are poor, you are not pure. If you ate with the impure, you are not pure. Well, Jesus is in trouble there I think.

One of the quotes used in the sermon was by a guy named Dan Boone (not the hunter, farmer, whatever that guy in stories was).

"Purity for the Pharisees quite easily became separation from the unclean. But in the Gospel stories we read...Jesus seemed to identify the love of God as penetrating those barriers."

Yesterday I got to thinking about something. Two of my friends were in an argument about something I'm not gonna talk about. But it did have to do with loving others and accepting others.

Does it sound like the pharisees were very loving or accepting people? I don't think they were. They didn't know what to think when they met Jesus that's for sure.

I think, we as Christians can act a lot like the pharisees. We put labels on people to tell whether they are pure or not.

What judgment do we have? Sure we can judge, but are we supposed to judge? I thought only God was supposed to judge.

We, as Christians, can be so stereotypical. That's just so wrong. We aren't supposed to judge people. We're supposed to love and accept them for who they are.

Accept one another...just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7

If you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. James 2:9

So many times, I feel like my friends are picking favorites. They want to save this person, but not that person. They want to invite this person and not that person. Stop picking favorites. I don't really understand why it's so hard to accept everyone. Christ accepted all of us. We're following Christ, so we need to be like him. I mean I have troubles with this too, but it's just frustrating.

Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:11-12

It's a no wonder a lot of people don't want to become Christians. They see us act one way and think that's all Christians do. They could see us hating people or making judgments. No wonder they don't want to follow Jesus.

God is nothing like us. We, humans, are imperfect. We make mistakes and can be so incredibly stupid sometimes. I wish people knew this.

Ok this might not make a whole lot of sense, but it's fitting in my mind. You know the game Red Rover? Two teams stand in a line across the lawn with hands linked. Red rover, red rover, send Chelsea right over. I'm running and running across the lawn. My goal is to break through the chain of people to freedom. But sometimes we don't break through and are pushed back. Well technically then we join the team we were trying to get through actually. But for now, I say we get pushed back.

Oh you're not good enough to get through. You're not allowed to be on God's team. So stereotypical. So mean. If I wasn't a Christian and saw Christians pushing people back from learning about Christ, I don't think I would want to be involved in this thing called Christianity.

The Red Rover game is like sometimes Christians are like the rough exterior of God. We judge (which we're not supposed to do) and we push people back. But people need to keep on pushing on through because we're nothing like God. God is perfect. We're followers of Christ in training. We're not perfect.

Don't feel bad if you judge and don't love or accept people as much as you should. I know how you feel. I'm the same way. Frankly, I think we need to just get over ourselves though.

Is it possible sometimes our hands are too clean to be followers of Jesus?

This was one of the questions in the sermon on Sunday. I think sometimes we think we're perfect and way too clean to mess with the dirty stuff. But I also think Jesus wants us to get on our hands and knees in the mud. We need to go light our world wherever we go.

Don't be part of the Purity Patrol (I so wish you could hear that being said).

Just a half

Ok, some of you are gonna think I'm really dorky for this, but whatever. I don't mind being called a dork. Today is a very special day indeed. Well, ok, it's not that special, but it's special to me and it has some stories to it. What is today?

Well Chelsea, it's May 12, 2009. You're right! It is May 12, 2009. So what's the big deal? Today is my half birthday. That's right I'm 18 and a half today. I don't know how long I've celebrated this day, but I remember celebrating it for real when I was in 9th grade.

It was a Friday and we were having a movie night at my church. So my aunt bought me a cake and we split it in half for a half birthday cake. Get it? So she left it there at the church sitting out. Then my youth pastor at the time, Matt, took a piece of it not realizing the significance of it. We were jokingly mad at him for that. But we had the other half, so good enough. That's my funny story of my half birthday celebration.

It's not a really real tradition, but it's a cool one to start. It's just fun figuring out when you are whatever age and 6 months.

Happy Mother's Day!

I never have an ordinary Mother's Day. If I could get my mom flowers for Mother's Day, it would be easy. No, it's not because she's allergic. It's because of my family's business.

By the way, that picture is of my grandmother a long time ago in one of our greenhouses. That's right. My family owns a flower business. And if that's not bad enough, I have no backyard. Well, I kinda do. It's just consumed by all four of our greenhouses.

I didn't live a normal childhood I guess. Haha. I work at the farmers' market in my town. I used to help with transplanting. Nowadays, I help with carrying things or just watching the business.

So no, I can't get my mom flowers for Mother's Day. I don't think she would appreciate getting more flowers for Mother's Day.

Instead I got her the next best thing: chocolate. I got her chocolate and a card. Hopefully my dad won't eat all her candy.

Today, I went to church and during Sunday school, as little kiddish as this sounds, I helped make necklaces for the mothers in church. My aunt asked a few of us older girls to help with that. We also had one of the little girls helping and then two of the younger boys helped after they finished their lesson.

This afternoon, I gave my mom her present (which by the way, I let my brother in on it even though he doesn't have any money). Then I did my homework. This evening I went to my aunt's house for dinner. It wasn't anything fancy. We had hamburgers. We had a nice evening.

To all you mothers right now or future mothers, Happy Mother's Day! Hope it was a fantastic day for all of you!

My Friend Jesus

My favorite band of all time is Newsboys. They just recently came out with their newest album. I absolutely love it! One particular song that makes me laugh, but it's so true, is called My Friend Jesus. Check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7bt7rGpIc4

I bought a product they should not have sold.
I called the help line,
they put me on hold
I've been waiting for an hour
Now my phone's losing power
And I'm gonna explode.
I hear, "How may I help you today?"
I know a very rude answer,
But I'm wondering, hey

What if everybody talked like my friend Jesus?
If everybody loved like my friend Jesus,
If everyone forgave like my friend Jesus,
It would give the world a new beginning.
What if this is like an early inning?

I state my business;
She puts me on hold.
I'm back to thinking;
I'm gonna explode.
And the dog wants dinner,
And the music they're playing
is the sound-track of hell.
You say, "Two wrongs don't make a right?"
Just try listening to Celine Dion all night.

But if everybody talked like my friend Jesus,
If everybody loved like my friend Jesus,
If everyone forgave like my friend Jesus,
If we want to mend world relations
Surely I can show a little patients.

I've been waiting around for this world to change.
Another day cut loose, another lame excuse.
I've got the why and how to start here and now...
...Then my cellphone drops the call.
...And I spew out vitriol.
...And as my fist goes through the wall, a voice says, "Be the change you wanna see!"

'Cause if everybody talked like my friend Jesus?
If everybody loved like my friend Jesus,
If everyone forgave like my friend Jesus,
What a changed world this could be

If everybody talked like my friend Jesus?
If everybody loved like my friend Jesus,
If everyone forgave like my friend Jesus,
What a changed world this could be
Starting now, Maybe I can start the change in me.

Ever have a phone call like this? I think I have. But I don't think my phone was dying. And I don't think I was gonna explode.

I know how he feels though. But he also has a good point. I think it's a good reminder for us that we need to be talking, loving, and forgiving like Jesus. We were made in God's image. Who do you see in the mirror?

What do I get myself into?

I haven't talked about youth group games in a few weeks. We've continued playing some fun games. A few weeks ago, when I had the concert to go to, we played some very interesting games. I only participated in one of them though because the other was messy and I was already dressed up to go straight to the concert.

For the first game, the pastor in charge, gave us all tissues. What for? What else? To blow our noses. Why though?

The next thing he handed us after we split into teams was a bowl of Kix cereal. One of the boys in my group started eating the cereal. But that's not what we were supposed to do with it. We had to blow Kix cereal out of our noses and try to get it into a bowl. It was very entertaining. The boy eating the cereal in my group did not eat the snotty cereal, which is a good thing. That would have been bad. Quite disgusting.

The second game everyone else played involved strawberry and chocolate syrup. They had to make pictures with the syrup without using their hands. They were supposed to use just their noses, but they also used their tongues. It was kinda gross.

So this past week was very interesting. I don't know what I always get myself into when I volunteer.

So we split into teams, girls vs. boys. They had a girl sit on a bench and a guy sit on a bench. Guess who the lucky girl was? Yeah, that's right, me.

There was a bowl and in that bowl was pieces of paper wrapped in saran wrap. Are warning signals going off in your head yet? Then they told the volunteers to take off our shoes and socks. Great, I can almost see where this is going. They poured dry dog food in the bowl with the pieces of paper. But that's not the worst part. The worst part was the water they poured into the bowl.

The goal was to get all the pieces of paper out the bowl by just using my feet. Then the rest of my team had to put the paper together to form a memory verse. The memory verse was Luke 18:1.

So my question is, why do I always get myself into these situations? I don't know. Because they're fun and make people laugh. Good enough reason for me to live with.

My obsession

A few weeks ago, I was a little upset. I found out that I had to play at a concert on the same day as youth group. I hate missing youth group. It's my obsession.

Well, I wouldn't say that youth group is my obsession really. Church isn't really either. God is my obsession. I love going to church and I love learning more about God. I think it's something I've always loved doing since I was about 9 years old.

I was born and raised Catholic for the most part. I went to a Catholic school in kindergarten, but then moved to a different state. Then my mom made me participate in classes at the Catholic church in town. I was never really interested in that. It was boring and I had no friends in those classes. They all went to one of the other elementary schools in my town.

My aunt took me to a VBS one year at her Nazarene church and I haven't left since then. I wanted to go. I've had this obsession for a long time.

I go to youth group for a lot of reasons. I go to be with Christian friends. I go to play interesting games. I go to read the Bible. I go to learn more about God. I go to be challenged in my relationship with God.

I was not happy to learn that I was gonna miss church a few weeks ago for this dumb concert. It was a concert that I only got to play one song in. What is more important here, one song or God? One of my friends obviously chose the song. She doesn't get it though.

My faith is extremely important to me. I gotta go. Not a lot of people really get that about me. I need God. I once said on another blog I think, that going to youth group in the middle of the week keeps me sane.

So what happened?

I got to go to youth group for a little bit. But then I had to wait over an hour and a half to play one song at school. And while waiting, I was missing worship practice, which is another one of those important things that I don't like to miss.

Sing it, little bro!

Tonight was an amazing night. First of all, let me just say that this picture you see here, is an old picture. It was taken a year or two ago when my brother played the star role in a Sleepy Hollow play that CAP Jr. did. Also known as Chelsea Area Players Jr. So my brother played Ichabod Crane.

I really enjoyed going to that show. He's a great actor. And a very interesting singer.

Anyways, back to tonight. Tonight I went to what is called Cabaret. It is a production that my high school's show choir puts on. This year's theme was 6 Degrees of Separation. It was actually really cool.

It was the first choir performance of my brother's that I have gone to all year. I figured I ought to go and support him some time while I'm still in high school. Now I'm not trying to put anyone else down in the show choir or brag about the best actor in the production, but my brother was the best.

He was the techie. The Star Trek type geek. And know it all. They had his hair stick up on his head. He was the funniest character in my opinion. It's I guess one of those "you had to be there witnessing it" moments. He was just so funny and random.

I know a week or two ago I wrote a blog about how my brother and his girlfriend really need to get a life and stuff. True. And I know that blog probably sounded as if I was constantly annoyed with my little brother. Come on, he is my annoying little brother. But I love my baby brother. And every time I see him perform, it just about brings tears to my eyes. He's such a wonderful performer.

Memories Fading

Mondays always seem to be the day I daydream a lot. I don't know why that is. I think some people think I daydream mostly about the future, but as bad as this is, I actually daydream a lot about the past. At this point, I think everyone else is thinking I'm daydreaming about my graduation day. Not really though. I think I daydream so much on Mondays because it's the worst day of the week for me. It's the first day back from the weekend and I'm always exhausted.

I also have a dream I want to share. No, not like an American dream (a project I had to do last year for my American Literature class). I'm talking about what we dream about. I really love studying about the brain and psychology. My favorite part of studying psychology is studying the states of consciousness. For whatever reason (actually I have a real reason), I have been writing down my dreams since December of 2006. I only started doing it because I kept having dreams about my old youth pastors, Matt and Lindsay. Well at the time, they were still my youth pastors. The reason that we came up with for why I was having so many dreams about them, was that I was concerned about them or worried or just thinking a lot about them. And no, I haven't written down my dreams that are only about them. I also write down dreams I've had about band and school. In March, I kept having dreams about college. I used to write down what I had dreamed about for every dream I had. But now I only do it once in a while.

So anyways, back to the dream I had last night. I'm just gonna describe it the way I have it in my journal.

I was in the dining room with my mom. I looked out the window and saw Matt and Lindsay (my old youth pastors) walking up the sidewalk. Lindsay says to Matt, are you sure we shouldn't have called first? They knock and then open the door. I showed Lindsay my room, but first I clean it up. Then later we're walking down a long driveway and Matt says the reason they came was that he had a feeling I needed them right now.

I have so many questions about this dream. But dreams are such a mysterious part of life.

Boy, do I wish sometimes that they would come see me because they feel like I need them or something. Call me a doubter, but I don't think it will happen. But who knows? It's just a dream right? Joseph's dreams came true though.

This may not make sense to you, but it seems to make perfect sense to me. I don't know why I dreamed about them last night. I must have been thinking about them somewhere in the middle of my mind. And thinking about this dream right now, it seems to go along perfectly with this blog.

Lately, I've been trying to remember certain things and I have found it rather hard to do so. For whatever reason, I can't remember certain aspects of the youth group with Matt and Lindsay anymore. Of course, this could be a good thing because last month I was trying to think about something before Matt and Lindsay came and found that my times with Matt and Lindsay were getting in the way.

Am I over them? Hm, I wonder if my blocked memories are telling me something. I'm getting over them. Apparently, my mind isn't rid of them yet since I had a dream about them last night. Frankly I don't think I'll ever be over them. As sad as I am to see the details of those memories go, my brain could be pruning itself and making room for new memories.

Whatever it is, I feel like some of those memories are fading. All I have left seems to be my memories sometimes. I still talk to them and visit them occasionally, but they will never be my youth pastors again. They can call themselves my youth pastors and hey, they are my favorite youth pastors. But technically I'm not in their youth group anymore and so I'm not one of their teens.

Losing these memories kinda makes me sad. I know they're not all gone, but it still makes me sad. It's just a reminder that I don't live in the past. I live in the present where God wants me to live.

T.G.T.P.U.

Tired of hearing about all those bad decisions people made the night of prom? That speaker sucked. They didn't help me very much. He was too full of himself. He thought he was totally awesome.

These are some of the comments I have heard this week about the speaker we had last week. Last week was prom week at my school and as always, SADD (students against destructive decisions) had an assembly. Last year, they did a few things with us like brought in a band called Shirock. No one really got into it though. They kept telling us to stand up, but none of us were interested in doing so. Come on! It was in the school auditorium for crying out loud.

I don't think my school ever has that much appreciation for how hard SADD tries to get us involved in things. I didn't think I would enjoy the speaker, but I actually did.

Come on! Admit it. Prejudice! You never thought you'd actually like the speaker.

This happens to me so often. I'll go into the auditorium ready to completely ignore the speaker like everyone else, but then what he or she says will really impact me.

Our speaker's theme last week was Too Good To Pass Up.

Basically all about making wise decisions and not drinking and driving.

Of the friends I talked to, they go to church and of course they're not gonna do anything like that. But wait, Chelsea, what about the people who go to church and do actually do make lots of stupid choices regarding drugs and alcohol? Well, I think they're the ones that need to listen. I know a lot of them don't care because they think alcohol and drugs is the best way, but it's not.

I think there are a lot of things in life that are too good to pass up.

Don't you want to graduate? Go to college? Get married? Have kids? Have a great job? Grow old with your husband or wife?

Then you shouldn't ruin that life by doing drugs, drinking alcohol, or having premarital sex.

Get a life!

I've been hearing it since I was a freshman. What? High school relationships rarely ever work out. No wonder, I've been single since my freshman year. I don't want to date if it's not gonna work out. What's the point?

To get to know each other. To do something. To try to work something out.

Honestly? Get a life!

My brother is in 10th grade and has a girlfriend who is a year older than him. He has been dating her since November. He spends every waking moment with her it seems like. She always calls him and talks for hours on end. They spend all their free time together it seems either talking on the phone or hanging out. My parents have to babysit them basically. They can come over as long as there is an adult home. I hate that because if my mom is elsewhere, I can't do anything with my dad like take a bike ride. That's the problem I had last night.

Really? Really? Could you, I don't know, get a life?

I'm so tired of them hanging out every waking moment. My parents keep freaking me out saying she might be my sister in-law someday. Gag me please.

Not that I should do this because I'm a Christian and I should love everyone even my enemies, but I can't say anything mean about his girlfriend when he's around. But of course, he feels it's ok to diss me in front of his girlfriend.

I've read it and I've heard it before that girls should look at how a guy treats their mother and sister to see how he treats women and how he would treat the girl he's dating. Obviously my brother's girlfriend isn't looking that hard at how he treats us. Of course, she probably likes how he treats my mom and I because she seems to hate us. He's so disrespectful around us. I want to know what happened to my cute little brother who used to be adorable and nice...sometimes. He grew up apparently.

I've also read that guys lives don't revolve around girls. True dat. Unfortunately, my brother's girlfriend seems to have complete rule over my brother's life. He had to change his whole outfit the other day when he went to dinner with her family because he didn't want to look like the odd man out. After changing, he looked bad. I liked what he had been wearing before. Dare to be different little bro.

So many times, I want to tell him to get a life. He says he has one. Yes, you have one with your girlfriend, but what about a life of your own where you're free to do whatever you want without worry about what your girlfriend says about it.

Get a life! Dare to be different! Go your separate ways for a few hours and get a life!

And I pray I'm never like that with my future boyfriend. I will have my life and my friends. And he will have his life and his friends. I have hopes about that one. I just hope we're not glued to each other.

What if she is too much like me?

I've been fuming about this for a while. One thing you gotta learn about me is that when I get started on something, I probably won't stop. No, it's not like drugs (which I don't do by the way). It's just that sometimes something will make me angry and I will obsess over it for a while. This is the case here.

I met a girl a few months back in February that went to my old youth pastors' now old church. No, not my church. My church is their old, old church. Anyways, my old youth pastors were getting ready to move at the end of February. I came to visit in the middle of the month and met a lot of their teens. I know a lot of them weren't happy to see them leaving, but hey if it's God's call, you gotta follow that. So this girl, for whatever reason, reminds me of myself at that age. I was her age when my youth pastors, Matt and Lindsay left us. She's probably feeling a lot of the same things I felt. And I get how she feels. I've said this so many times on my blog, but it still haunts me the question she asked me. Am I happy they're moving back to Michigan?

I was at first, but then I jumped into these kids' shoes and realized that I know exactly how they feel.

So the other day, I was talking to Lindsay about this girl because I've been wondering about how she's doing. Lindsay said she emailed her, but she hasn't responded. I said I hope she's doing ok. And Lindsay said she probably is doing ok and if she isn't, she'd have called them.

Now you've gotta understand how I felt after they left. I knew they had the possibility of leaving in December of 2006. They left my church in February of 2007. I was pretty upset because I had really gotten to know them in the past few months. Then after they left even though they said I could call anytime I wanted, I didn't. I got kinda bitter for a while. They have their new youth group. And they don't have time to talk to me. I can feel that bitterness even today. They have their new, new youth group. They don't have time to talk to me. They don't have time for us anymore. They're busy with that youth group.

They say I can call anytime I want now too, but of course, I don't call very often unless they're not online and I need some advice. I talk to them online a lot though.

I'm wondering something. What if this girl from their old youth group is too much like me? Maybe she's struggling, but she doesn't want to call because she doesn't want to be a bother to them. I didn't want to be a bother to them either. What if she is really missing them right now, but doesn't want to call them? What if she needs advice, but doesn't want to bother them?

Yeah, I know how that feels.

A walk down memory lane

I'm not really feeling like this anymore, but a few weeks ago, I took a trip down memory lane as I always do around this time of the year.

When I was in 9th grade I had this friend. She was my neighbor and was a great friend. But then my guy friend (and you have to understand that this guy is like a brother to me), asked her to prom. There were a lot of secrets then. I knew about it I thought before she did, but then she kept the secret from me until the weekend and it was just really messed up. We got into a lot of fights about prom and everything. It's not that I wanted to go to prom or that I had a crush on the guy (come on, he's like a brother to me). I think I have a fear of abandonment. One time on my Battlecry blog, I wrote:

Overwhelmed | Apr 23 2006 6:54 PM

Well, lately I've felt really overwhelmed and depressed, but today I talked to my aunt and she made me feel so much better. I'm still sad, but I'm getting over my feelings and problems. I just needed a friend today. I kinda felt alone abandoned. I cried myself to sleep last night because I was so lonesome. I'm better now.

Then this guy who asked her to prom, wrote a comment replying:

I want you to pick up that cross around your neck and look at it for a while. I want you to think about why you wear it and what it means to you. Then I want you pick up that cross and follow the one that died for you to save your life. I want you to forgive all those that hurt you and to not be afraid of how you feel. Let your friends know how you feel. You are never alone. The ones that loves you is always with you. Your friends love you too and they will always be there for you. All you have to do is ask and you shall receive. Your friends really love you and they will never abandon you. Your family will never abandon you as well. Pick up your cross and be a friend to your friends like Jesus has been a friend to you.

Now at that point, I remember for the first time ever taking my cross off and throwing it across the room. I was really upset. It got worse after the guy told my aunt that I told my friend that I hated her. But I would never say something like that to her. Needless to say, my mom set us up to talk things through, but being the oh so stubborn person I am, I refused, but after a while, I let them into my room and we cried and stuff.

But then it got worse yet. My guy friend invited my friend to a movie night at my church. That was kinda a disaster. They sat together and I sat with some other friends knowing I wouldn't feel like a third wheel with the other friends. I cried over that night too.

And worst of all, they started dating after going to prom together. We had so many fights at the end of that school year especially when we were fighting about drum majors and stuff.

Now it may seem like I have many issues. Believe me, I did when I was a freshman in high school. I may still have some issues today, but not so many as I had when I was in 9th grade. Although my friend has said she has forgiven me, I have never felt like I have been forgiven. Sometimes I want to go up to her and talk to her about it and say how sorry I am for what happened, but I think she's over it. And by the way, she became my drum major last year. It didn't bother me like it would have if I were my same immature self as a freshman. I was happy because I believed she was perfect for the job. Quite honestly I don't really think about this whole prom fiasco too often anymore. It used to haunt me a lot.

A few weeks ago I found out that this same friend got asked out by one of my other guy friends and I was really happy for them. I think they made a cute couple most certainly. I even congratulated them both on it. But I know I'll never really have the same friendship with this girl that we had as freshmen. But maybe I am over it a lot more than I thought I was. I'm a little more confident now with my friends. Most of them I know will not abandon me.

You know this has nothing to do really with this post, but I just thought about it. We all have enemies. Sometimes they disguise themselves as our friends. They build up lots of trust and they can be the best of friends. But then one day all of the sudden they don't want to be your friend anymore. They rip apart your trust in them. The friendship gets ruined. You are so hurt and feel so defeated. They make you feel worthless.

I know what that feels like. In elementary school, I thought I had great friends. But then they also made fun of me. Not only did I have really school bullies picking on me, but my so called friends also picked on me.

I'm almost out of high school now. I'm not really friends with my bullies; actually I think a lot of them moved away. But I'm kinda friends with my so called friends who picked on me when I was at that age. Kids can be so cruel to each other. But you never know what might happen when you get older. You might be friends with those who you used to call friends, but then became your enemies. If I were you, I would forgive them.

So they broke your trust. So they hurt you. So they ruined the relationship. So they made you feel like it was the end of the world and you'd never have anyone to call a friend again. Trust me, it's not the end of the world just yet. Those so called friends are probably hurting too. They need to be forgiven. You don't want to live with that anger all your life. It sucks to feel that way. I know because I've held onto things before that caused me to feel this really bad anger. God doesn't want us to be angry because anger can be a sin. I think holding onto things that God wants you to let go of could be too. So just let it go.

Easier said than done, I know. I have multiple songs on my mp3 player about letting it all go, but when I get really upset I feel like I can't let it go. It feels good though when I finally do let it go. I can just be so stubborn sometimes.

But as hard as it can be, we need to let go of our stubbornness and just forgive those who have hurt us.

New blogger friends

I can't believe it's been a week since I last wrote a blog. I can't believe I lasted that long. But it's sorta a long story starting at the beginning of the year. That's why I haven't written all week. Sorry about that. Now you're gonna have hang with me, because I have a lot of ideas of my sleeve. And I'm trying to hold back the excitement of all these ideas.

But for now, I want to do something that I haven't done since February. My what ifs and have you evers. For those that don't know, my what ifs and have you evers actually come from two books that I have and I use a random number generator to come up with the numbers. I also want to talk about the new people reading my blog. It's great hearing from all of you. I will tell you one time I looked at my comments and saw that a few people left comments at 3 or 4 in the morning and it really surprised me. Then I remembered that those couple of people are in Australia and are in a completely different time zone. Total blond moment there I guess. But it's great learning about these different cultures through reading some of your blogs. And yes, sometimes I forget that you're in a different country/continent than I am, but still I'm glad to have you guys as blogger friends. So without further ado, I'll let you get to know me through some of these questions.

#152 What if you could have any hairstyle?

• If I could have any hairstyle, I would have short hair. I like wearing ponytails yes, but I hate having long hair. My parents love my long hair and won't let me get it cut until after graduation. I'm not too fond of it however. After senior pictures over the summer, I got my hair cut really short. That was the first time to have really short hair since I was in 3rd or 4th grade. But now my hair is about down to my shoulders again.
  

#167 What if everything you asked for came true?

• I don't think I would like that. It would give me too much power. If I asked to have my brother turned into stone, it would happen. If I asked for a boyfriend, it would happen. I'm afraid I would do bad things with it. I'm glad that God gives us things in moderation. We may ask for something now, but not get it right away. Sometimes God likes to play that patience game with us. We may be saying now and He may be saying not yet.
  

#63 What if you could relive your happiest moment?

• I would love to relive my second 30 Hour Famine. We had a great time that year. It was one of the times when I was really happy. And I miss times like those with our awesome youth pastors. I don't however miss being saran-wrapped to my youth group and ending up falling and hitting my head. That made me worry a lot about having a concussion, but I was fine except for the headache. I think it was a tired headache though because now whenever I'm really tired, that head pain comes back.
  

#155 Have you ever inherited anything? (What? Who from? How do you feel about the person who died? How do you feel about what you inherited?)

• I probably have inherited stuff before, but I'm not sure what. My dad and I were actually talking tonight about some of his stuff and how when he dies, it will pass onto me. I thought it was kinda weird because isn't the son supposed to get the dad's stuff like the football and stuff? But I think I would be happy with it because it would help me remember him more.
  

#125 Have you ever wallpapered a room? (What room? What style of wallpaper? How did it turn out? Would you do it again?)

• I don't think I've ever wallpapered, but I think I've watched my mom do it. I think she was wallpapering my room with dolphin wallpaper. That was my old room. And it wasn't a whole sheet of wallpaper, just a small section going in the middle of the wall. Scraping the wallpaper off the wall of my new room was a pain in the butt, but now I have no wallpaper. I have purple and pink walls, my two favorite colors.
  

#124 Have you ever had a problem too personal to discuss with others? (What made it too personal? Is there anyone you could reveal this to? Why would you trust that person with it?)

• Of course. Who hasn't? I think what made it too personal was what it was. I have a problem with trust. I don't trust a lot of people. It takes years to build up trust, but only seconds to destroy it. The people I trust the most are friends that don't talk to some of my other friends. And then there's the youth pastors too. The friends that don't talk to some of my other friends always tell me, who are they gonna say something to? Exactly why I trust them. I also trust youth pastors because unless it's something that they need to tell my parents about, they won't say anything. It's like this confidentiality thing they have going on or something like that.
  

So now you know a little more about me. Hi new blogger friends! Give me a shoutout about what country you're from. If you didn't know it, I'm from the United States.