Moving at the sound of God's call

Pick Up...it's God calling | Dec 17 2006 9:54 PM

I'm a youth pastor at a church in Chelsea, Michigan and in the past year that I have been there, I have grown to love each and every student in the ministry there.

Last week I had to do something that was very difficult for me to do; I had to sit down and explain to these kids that I love so much that I may be resigning my position at the church to accept a full-time position in Virginia. It is so hard to know that God is calling you away from the people you know and love; from family-because that's what these students and their families are to Lindsay and I.

I pray that God would heal the hurt and the pain that comes with this calling and that He would do a work in our lives and use this for HIS glory.

Just in case you're wondering, I didn't write this. I stole it from my old youth pastor's blog on Battlecry, but this has been on my mind all week and I've finally gotten around to writing it.

Earlier this week, a friend wrote on my Facebook wall telling me to start a countdown. Why might you ask? Our old youth pastors, one of whom wrote the above, are moving back to Michigan this Sunday. But why are we counting down? They aren't coming back here, so why are we celebrating?

Are we celebrating because they'll no longer be 8 hours away? I'm sorry, but I can't count down. The thought of counting down just brings sad images to my mind. Why? Well I was with Matt and Lindsay just two weeks ago. I was there when their pastor told the entire church they were leaving. I know a few of their teens who are going to be really upset. Actually, those teens are really upset.

My heart aches for them. I know exactly how they're feeling. I feel like my friend doesn't understand that. I'm still hurt by them leaving, but I knew it was God's call and their time to go. I pray the same thing that Matt once prayed for us at my church. I pray that God would heal the hurt and the pain that comes with this calling.

Like I said, I'm still hurting by it. I have kept in touch as you can tell though. I hope and pray that some of their teens do the same thing. I am proof that healing takes time. It has been 2 years since they left my church and I still miss them even though I talk to them all the time.

The thing that probably keeps me going the most (wow that kinda sounds like I'm constantly depressed and suicidal, but I'm not) is that I know that I will see them again. I don't know when or where, but I will definitely see them again. I have visited them twice and they have come to visit us too. I also know that someday we'll all meet again in Heaven.

Sometimes it's hard to move at the sound of God's call, but remember what Jeremiah 29:11 tells us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Sometimes it's hard for those affected by the move. You're not the only one who is dealing hurt when you get called elsewhere. But God has promised that His plans won't hurt us.

I know what I said about being hurt and everything. But in the end, I know it was better for Matt and Lindsay to move. I don't know why it was better, but it was. God has plans for all of us that we should definitely follow. He knows what's right for us, so we should stop being so stubborn and listen to His call. It is His way or the highway. Which do you choose?

Please be in prayer for my old youth pastors, Matt and Lindsay, as they make the journey back to Michigan this coming Sunday.

Ash Wednesday

Does it feel like Ash Wednesday to you? I don't know about you, but it does not seem like today is the start of Lent. I have found that in recent years, I have been writing on Fat Tuesday, not Ash Wednesday. In recent years, I've had a really tough time coming up with what to give up for Lent. In 2007, I wrote a blog called Crunch Time. Here's what I thought about giving up:

I'm not quite sure what to give up. Because I'm a Catholic, I have to give up meat on Fridays. Well, some of you might argue with that, but I'm going to do my mom this favor and choose to not eat meat on Fridays during Lent. So no arguing with me. Those people know who they are.

I'm thinking about giving up one of my personality quirks. For instance, there's sarcasm in very serious conversations, but I kinda gave up on sarcasm a couple of months ago. Yeah, sarcasm on the internet is not a good thing. That was a lesson well learned. I'm thinking now that maybe swearing would be a good one. Of course, normally I don't really swear in public anymore. I don't swear at school or church really. The only time I really swear is when I get mad at my computer like a couple of minutes ago when it logged me out, so I had to rewrite this entire blog. But hey, I'm not complaining. Maybe God didn't like how I wrote it the first time. That brings up another one. I could give up complaining. However, I don't know how well that would work. Plus, I would have a lot of pent up anger on Sundays and that would be kinda hard. Do you have any struggles like me? I bet you do. We all do. What to give up? Any suggestions?

I have a friend who is probably giving up what he usually gives up and that is pop/soda or whatever you call it. The problem is he doesn't drink pop/soda. So, what's the point of that? If you aren't giving up something, then I don't know what to tell you, but think about Jesus. He fasted for 40 days and nights. I don't think I could do that. However, I can go 30 hours without food. Ah, that brings back good memories of the 30-hour famine and of course the saran wrap. Never again!!!!!!! So, once again, I ask what are you giving up for Lent this year?

Last year, I was a little better with what I thought about giving up. Here's a little bit of what I thought of giving up last year:

Last year you may remember me saying I was on crunch time to figure out what to give up. I am Catholic so I will be giving up meat on Fridays. That's not the only thing I'm giving up this year though. I've set a few goals for myself this year that I plan to keep:

1. I'm giving this up. What is this? I'm giving up internet and my computers because I spend too much valuable time, when I could be studying, on the internet and computer period. I will, however, be using it on Sundays and when I have to for school.
2. I'm not like many other people. Well, you kinda know that from how I write at times. I also have parents who don't always choose the best words, but I have a swear jar. For whenever I swear, I'm putting in a penny, nickel, dime, or quarter; any American coin that is considered money. It's also a putting myself down jar. Whenever I call myself a name, I'll put money in it. Where is this money going? I'll let you figure that out. It's obviously not going right back into my pocket.
3. With all the extra time for studying, I'm gonna start working out. Actually I already have. And let me tell you, my arms hurt. But enough of my complaining.
4. My last one isn't really real. I wish though. I asked my mom if I could give up my flute. Guess what she said? And it's not even like I would give it up during band, it's the lessons. She said no. This one was for your entertainment.

Now I'd like to share something with you that my dad wrote. This is from his latest sermon and I think it brings up a great point. For those that don't know, my dad is becoming a priest in the Episcopal church. And don't worry, Episcopalian priests are allowed to be married.

Lent is often viewed as a time to feel guilty. I say that as a person who has married into a Catholic family and for many years had this view. I have been kind of bad this year so I am giving up cigars, beer and morning coffee. That ought to set me right with the good Lord. I say that kind of tongue in cheek but yet I know quite a few people that give up something for Lent. Chocolate or coffee or smoking are the ones I hear often. Or broccoli. I am not going to bad mouth this Lenten tradition in general. Giving up something of comfort for a while isn't a bad thing.

What I would ask these people is why? Why give up coffee? Are you giving it up because you want to have some pain to remind you that you don't need coffee to survive but you need God. Or by giving up coffee, does it remind you every day that Jesus suffered in the desert and you use this a way to bring you to a closer understanding of Jesus? Then by all means, give up the coffee.

In recent years there has been movement in Lenten times to do something positive, like work at a soup kitchen or volunteer at a nursing home. Or similar acts of kindness. These are always good things to do and I encourage everyone at anytime to do so. But if you are doing it for Lent, then I ask why? Are you doing it because it is truly what Jesus would do and you want to understand his ministry? Are you doing this so you can seek Christ in all people like we are all called to do?

So for Lent, I encourage you to choose one or many changes to your behavior (stop drinking coffee or helping the needy) but do so with the thought of what purpose is this for and where God is in it.

Ok, so that's a little taste of how my dad writes sermons and I kinda paraphrased a lot of that, but I'm completely telling you that I didn't plagarize his sermon and I'm giving him credit.

His sermon brings up a good point. Actually a lot of good points. Why do we give up things? What purpose does giving up chocolate have with our relationship with God? By giving stuff up like material items or food items, are we really getting closer to God?

Ok, I'm not really into giving things like certain foods up for Lent. Actually I never have been into that. I try to give up something else like you've seen earlier in this blog. This year, I decided on Sunday a little earlier than I usually think about what to give up for Lent, that I'm giving up complaining. Actually let's make this a little more specific. I'm giving up complaining about youth group. I've also started doing morning devotions. I need to give God more of my time.

Last night, my dad and I were talking about what we were doing for Lent. He plans on praying every day. I thought he was talking about the kind of praying I do, but he was talking about his Episcopal prayer book, which is still prayer, so that's good. He thought my idea to give up complaining about youth group is a really great idea.

Hopefully you won't hear me complaining about youth group too much in the next couple of weeks. I'm trying to not do so and think positively about it even when I don't want to. You know I also have this craving right now. Maybe it's because I haven't gone on a mission trip in a while, but I have a craving to go help people paint or do some short term type mission in some town. It doesn't have to be out of the state. It doesn't even have to be out of my town. I just want to do something to help people. I would really like to go to Flint Eastside mission though because I haven't been there in such a long time and I think it would be a great place to go for a short mission trip adventure type thing.

So what are you doing for Lent? You don't have to give up anything. You could just work on doing something. Whatever you decide, you should definitely do something, but also make sure God is involved in it.

I can't

I was talking to a friend tonight. You know who you are Bethany. Haha. Well anyways, I told her I had the perfect thing to give up for Lent. I should give up caring. But then I decided that this would be stupid. It would probably mess with my personality and like Bethany said, it would really mess up my spiritual life.

Somewhere in this conversation, we got into a conversation about complaining. I want to not complain, but I don't know how to not complain, so I asked Bethany. She told me to keep my mouth shut, read and meditate on scripture, and pray for God's help. And also learn to be content.

While talking to her, I had my doubts. I had my little conversation with myself that no I can't do this. But then I remembered something. I remembered what happened at Sun Valley Indian School. At that school, they buried "I can't." None of their kids are allowed to say I can't. Because the truth is, we can do it, if we set our minds to something and believe in it, we can do it.

I've decided challenge myself. Let's see how it goes for the first couple of days. I'm not going to complain. Ok, more so I'm gonna try to not complain. Regardless of how well this goes, I think I've got what I'm going to give up for Lent or try to work on at least.

Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it. I need to get out of this spell of nasty complaining.

Every time I'm tempted to complain, I'll try to think about Jesus. He didn't complain while he was on the cross. He died for us because he loves us. Jesus is amazing!

I can do this. I believe in myself!

It's not the church...

It's you.

Have you ever heard the phrase, it's not you, it's me or vice versa. It's not me, it's you.

I'm seeing my complaining in a whole new light right now because of something my pastor said in his sermon. He was talking about how easily people will blame others for a problem, while they don't even bother looking at themselves. He thought it was kinda funny to watch people do that. Sometimes he wants to just shake them and tell them to wake up.

You have seen it. I complain all the time about youth group. No one wants to do anything. That's what I've said. But maybe they're not the problem. It's not my youth group, it's me. Someone shake me please and tell me to wake up and smell the coffee.

But wait, why am I the problem? I want to do things with my youth group. I want to go on mission trips. I was thinking on my way home from church today that I don't want to sit around and do nothing during the 30 Hour Famine, I want to go help people. I want to go to Flint Eastside Mission. I haven't been there in so long. I want to serve. I want to help in some way. I don't want to just sit around in the church all day doing nothing. I want our youth group to go to church camp. I've never been, and I think it would be a great experience.

Is it because I never ask to do this stuff? I have a fear of rejection. I don't like to ask for these things. Whenever I do ask, I usually get shot down right away. I've tried the last couple of weeks to convince some people that we should go to camp this summer, but it hasn't been working so well. Am I to blame because I don't promote these ideas more often?

If I'm the one to blame, I'll take it. If I'm the one to blame, you have to understand that I will blame myself and I will bury myself in a hole of blame. I've done it before. I've blamed myself for things that weren't my fault. So whose fault is it?

At this point, I don't know whose fault it is. It could be mine. It could be one individual person. Or we all could be to blame for this. I don't know whose fault it is anymore. Sitting here complaining about it, isn't helping my youth group any though.

I don't know how I can help. I'm not sure I can help. I'm only one teen. I feel like I'm the only one, but I'm sure there's probably more who feel the same way, but like me don't know what to do. And they probably don't talk out loud about it as much as I do.

Rethinking my attitude

I was silly to think that just writing that blog on envy would help me out. I don't think it really has. I didn't go to my brother's showcase thing, but I heard about it. My parents got home and mentioned that I missed a gospel choir. I think I made a few sarcastic comments not really caring. Then this morning my pastor was talking to me about it as we walked into the building.

Now I'm thinking I need an attitude readjustment. I need to rethink how I said some things. I can't take things back that I've said already (learned that with toothpaste), but I can rethink my attitude.

My attitude wasn't that great this morning towards show choir. Actually my attitude hasn't been that nice towards the school choir in a while.

Like getting through this envy problem, readjusting my attitude takes time and patience. Why was I so foolish to think that I could solve my envy problem in a day? Am I crazy or something?

This is something we all need to work on every day. We need to work on truly loving others and celebrate the talents they have. We need to pray about this constantly and admit not only to ourselves, but to God that we're envious.

I'm gonna try to put on a happy face when it comes to show choir and stuff even when I don't want to. I'm gonna try to celebrate my brother's success. There will be some failures (ok probably a lot of failures), but I'm working on it.

Group Unity

This morning before going off to babysit, I was thinking (as usual) about something. I was thinking about the idea of being united, of being together.

This thought came to me as I sat eating breakfast. Yes, it is about my youth group just in case you were wondering.

I already know we have a problem with being united. Everyone goes their separate ways all the time. I want to know what happened to our union. This idea probably stuck out to me the most today because of two events that were happening tonight. One was Showcase, which one of the pastor's kids was in and her family I imagine was going to that. The second was a bonfire that one of the guys was having at his house (it didn't end up happening though). He wanted to have a bonfire and get together with some of the youth group.

Whatever happened to us going to things in support of our fellow youth group pals? Last year, we went to Annie altogether as a youth group to watch the pastor's daughter play the lead role. We used to go to football games together too. What I mean by that is the people who aren't in marching band went to the games to watch and support us in the marching band.

We used to do a lot of things together when we had a youth pastor. What happened after the youth pastor moved? Why are we so distant from each other? Why don't we want to go support our fellow youth group friends anymore? Did our togetherness leave with the youth pastor? Were we only going to things because we were being encouraged to do it?

I also thought about our so called "Mission of Spirituality." I have it hanging on my wall, but to be completely honest, I'm too lazy to type it all out because it's so long. It's about a page long. Should a mission statement really be that long? If you want to check it out, go to http://www.chelseanazarene.org/youth-group/.

But I was also thinking about the church's mission statement. This one I can actually write down because it's short, sweet, and to the point.

Growing, serving, reaching together as followers of Jesus Christ.

See? I like this mission statement a lot. I was actually thinking that the youth group might as well adopt this mission statement. I mean we kinda have already because it's our church's mission statement, but it's just perfectly to the point.

Growing together. Some of us older teens have been together since the start of this church. I came in a little late about 4 years after some of the kids, but we've been together through thick and thin. One thing my pastor said this week that has really stuck with me is that our youth group is like our own little peer group. And quite honestly, we have been together so long that we kinda treat each other like siblings.

Where have we lost our group unity? When did we lose it? We no longer seem to support our friends. Lately, I haven't seen many going to watch others perform at concerts or shows or games.

You know the one problem with us adopting our church's mission statement is that we don't appear to be altogether. Of course, then again no one wants to do anything. Here comes my pessimistic side. No one cares. Let me say it again. NO ONE CARES! I'm thinking that if I say that enough to myself, maybe it will penetrate my thick skull and I will finally come to the conclusion that I don't care either. Until then, I'll just keep thinking my thoughts and dreaming of unity.

I wish we had unity. We haven't for a while now. I don't even know how long it's been. When did we all grow up and away from youth group. I think I have to share another blog from Battlecry that I wrote 2 years ago.

No one cares | Feb 23 2007 11:25 PM

I almost don't want to be writing this blog, but it's been on my mind a lot lately, so let me apologize to a couple people right now. Any people from my church, let me apologize and please don't take this the wrong way.

Harsh words, huh? No one cares? People care, but sometimes I wonder. Have you ever felt like you were a nuisance to other people or groups of people? Have you ever felt like no one cares one bit about what you're saying? Well, I have. At school, it seems like teachers don't really care about what you're telling them. They say that they want to know what's going on with you, but then they don't really listen to you. That's them not really caring about what you're saying.

I guess I have somewhat of a problem with my church in that way too. It just seems like us teens are somewhat of a nuisance to the adults right now because of all the transitions that we are going through right now. I don't want any of you to take that the wrong way. They want what's best for us, but sometimes, it seems as if they don't exactly know what's best and so they seem as if they don't care about us as much. I know they care about us, but sometimes I feel like we're just a bother. It's like why bother with those teens?

Why bother with us? Well, a couple reasons to bother with us. We are the next generation and you know what? This generation needs some serious help. People say that we are the future, but not really. The future is now and we are now, so in a way we are the future, but not exactly in 10 years because then there will be a new generation around.

Yes, people care, but sometimes, it feels like they don't care at all. They might ignore you or seem interested when in reality they could care less. I had that happen a couple of times tonight. Or at least, it seemed like it happened. I could have just been speaking too quietly or they could have been really interested, but whatever it was, they didn't seem like they cared. Sometimes people only care about themselves. Well, I know someone who cares for all of us and so do you or at least I hope you know who I'm speaking of. God cares. God knows that our generation needs help. God knows and cares for us. We are His children.

I had to share that because of one part that I was rereading. The third paragraph talking about church. I don't think the teens are so much the nuisance anymore because like I've said already a ton, they don't care. They stopped caring. I think I'm the nuisance. I'm not trying to be a nuisance I promise, I just think we could do things better as John Reuben would put it. I'm the nuisance because I do care.

The idea of not caring kinda scares me. I say that I don't care all the time with little decisions. But the idea of me not caring about something I look forward to every week just scares me. I can't think about it. Geez, this is not where I expected to go with this blog, sorry.

Ok, back to unity. Actually this whole idea of caring does fit with this. Because no one cares, we all fall apart. We're not stable because they don't care if we fall apart. My youth group doesn't seem to care if we're together or not.

I just want some unity. I want us to come together as one group in brotherly and sisterly love.

Right now I suppose all I can do is pray and dream about unity and not let the pessimistic atmosphere get to me.

S.A.D.

Ok, I know it's been almost a week since Valentine's Day, but I had another idea. Do you know what S.A.D. means?

It's Singles Awareness Day and it falls on Valentine's Day. Why is it sad though?

This is total happiness coming from me, but I'm aware that I'm single and I like that. I like being single. I'm in high school for crying out loud! I don't need to be dating right now. I've got better things to do with my time. I don't need to waste my time on a relationship that won't even last. Well there are some exceptions to that, but most of the time, high school relationships don't last.

I don't understand why people get sad and/or mad about being single. My friend wrote on another friend's Facebook wall asking what S.A.D. meant and then when he figured it out, he made a swearing comment that I won't mention. Let's keep the language clean here. Why are you mad that you're single right now?

You should be happy. You get to focus on better things. Valentine's Day doesn't bother me. I know God loves me and that's all that matters to me right now.

I'm not sad that I'm single. I'm super duper happy like you may already know with how much I've written about it so far. I'm content with just dreaming of my perfect guy right now.

Envy

What color does the word envy remind you of? I think because of the Berenstain Bears, I think of envy as the color green. That's just a random thought for you. I didn't think I would dig into this Sunday school lesson for a while, but it's an ever present subject.

I can be so much like the older brother in the Parable of the Lost Son sometimes. This life application with me has to do with my real little brother. And actually I'm more like the older sister (actually I am the older one).

So here's my problem this time. It doesn't have to do with funerals or my brother coming to Christ (hasn't happened yet, but I'm praying). This has to do with music. My brother and I both participate in music classes at our school. I've been in band since 5th grade playing flute. He also started out in band playing clarinet, but soon quit. He is more into guitars, but this year, he's in choir at my school.

I'm not even kidding, everyone loves my brother. There are kids in my grade who are obsessed with him. They like worship him and think he's the greatest thing ever. I'm the older one and sometimes I feel like I walk in the shadow of my younger brother. I shouldn't, but it's hard not to when everyone always talks about him to me. I don't get it. They should all come to my house and hear how he sings. That's why I don't want to go to any shows because I hear him sing enough at home and it's not that great.

So this weekend, our school is hosting a show choir thing called Showcase. A bunch of show choirs from other schools will be there and stuff. My parents bought me a ticket, but I don't really want to go. I said earlier in the week that I needed to check my schedule (who knows what's going on with youth group anymore).

This is where it's gonna sound really selfish and stupid, but why should I go? He never comes to any of my shows. We play some great music in marching band that he actually listens to, but he won't go to any of the games. Why should I go to his shows? I know, I know. I'm the big sister, I should do the better thing and go to his even if he doesn't go to mine. But I'm kinda hurt by the fact that he doesn't go.

So here's what I'm gonna do:

1. Acknowledge my envy
2. Apologize to God
3. Celebrate others

I'm jealous. There's no other way around it. I know I'm jealous of my brother. He's more popular than me. I envy that fact. But I know I'm not walking in the shadow of my little brother. We're two different people with very different talents.

God, I'm sorry. I need help. Please help me to stop this horrible thing we call envy. It stinks! My brother and I are two very different people, but sometimes I don't think about that. Help me to remember that fact. And Help me to celebrate my brothers talents even when I don't want to. Amen.

This last one is kinda hard. I don't know where to start. I decided I'm not going to my brother's Showcase thing tomorrow night, but I'm still gonna try to celebrate my brother's talents.

I've got one last thing to leave you with. This is a blog I wrote two years ago (wow really? It was that long ago?).

When jealousy bites, bite back | Apr 13 2007 10:49 PM

I mean that literally. It really does. Who hasn't had to deal with jealousy? Come on, be honest. Have you dealt with it? If you won't say, then I will. I have dealt with it on many occasions. It's not something super easy to get rid of either.

Have you ever heard that little voice in your head saying something along the lines like "Why does that girl who isn't good at much get a car that nice?" or "What did he do to deserve that cool thing?" or even "Why does she get to keep that when she didn't even help make it?" Well, I'm not going to lie. I've been dealing with the last one a lot in the past few days.

It's Satan too. Satan wants so bad to make you feel jealous. Sure other people don't mean to make it happen, but when Satan gets into your head, jealousy can occur. At least, jealousy is one of the things that Satan puts into our minds. There's some others like "You're just not good enough to be second chair." or "You really stink at the piano." I've been struggling with the second one a lot with jazz band too. It's not jealousy, but it's meant to get us down. I don't want to feel down. Do you?

Well, if you don't, then you have to bite back. Lately, I've had myself saying out loud, but under my breath "Shut up Satan!", but I think I need to shout or yell it. Don't let Satan get to you. All he gives is lies. Stop him in his tracks. Tell him to shut up and bud out!

I like what I said in the last bit there. Shut up and bud out Satan!

Eternal

I was thinking about something on my way to youth group on Wednesday night. Actually more like I was talking to God in the car. For some reason, praying anywhere out loud my bedroom scares me. It was just me, God, and my car that night. And I guess the other people on the road, but I usually sing in my car and I never notice anyone laughing at me, so why should I have a problem with praying in my car out loud?

So I was mostly praying that God would give me the ears to hear what the SRSLY people wanted to talk to us about and the right words to speak back to them. But then I had a nice conversation with God about something I had also been thinking about.

I had been listening to a song called Eternal by Sanctus Real. I really like this song, but I haven't really ever thought much of it. On Wednesday, I really got hooked on the lyrics and I've never thought about this before.

I like the idea of being eternally Yours. As in eternally God's.

It just amazes me. The idea of being in Heaven with God for eternity. I kinda can't really explain how I'm feeling. But my conversation with God was basically telling Him that I love this idea of being eternally His.

Better things to do?

Ok, first of all I'm not mad at anyone in particular, so if you're reading this and thinking it's you, don't worry it's not meant to be targeted at anyone specific.

I was thinking today (totally dangerous I know, but dangerous is my middle name) about Wednesday night church. Most churches have youth group and kids programs on Wednesdays right? Some churches get a lot of kids on Wednesdays while others don't.

My question is what do teens really do on Wednesdays if they're not at youth group? I'm talking Christian teens here. I'm sorry to say this, but homework is such a lame excuse. I used that excuse a lot last year, so if you miss church because you're doing homework, I've been in the same boat. Actually last year I used physics as my excuse mostly and my AP classes as well. This year I'm making the effort to get to youth group on Wednesdays. It is my last year in youth group after all.

This might make you feel guilty, but what kind of message are sending to God by missing Wednesday night church?

Sure Wednesday isn't as important as Sundays, but still I have to ask that question.

I wasn't aware that there were better things to do on Wednesdays besides youth group. Is homework one of those things that is better than youth group? I hope not. I think I'd rather be at youth group than doing homework. Of course, youth group is more important to me than it is to some people.

Why do we go to youth group? Is it to hang out with friends? Is it to have fun? Is it to talk and learn more about God? If you answered yes to any of these questions than you are right. What do we call hanging out with our Christian friends? Fellowship. We're getting together regularly to hang out and encourage each other, which is good for us. The words youth group in my mind associate themselves with the word fun. Youth group is fun for the most part, but we can't forget about the serious times. We're not just there to have fun, we're going to learn about God and our relationships with Him. We're being challenged (or should be) to pursue a deeper relationship with God. Youth group is not all fun and games. It's serious too. Are you not going because of the serious aspect?

So what are you saying to God right now by not going? Are you telling God that your life is more important than His will for you? Are you telling God that academics is more important to you? What is more important to you, good grades or a strong relationship with your Creator?

I'd choose the relationship over the good grades any day. Grades are important to a certain extent, but they won't always matter. And this is coming from a mostly A student. Good grades are really not as important to me as my spiritual growth is.

Do you have better things to do with your time? Do you have more "important" things to get done? What are you telling God right now?

Why so prejudice?

I really have to ask myself this. Why am I so prejudice? I seem to have a really big problem with this.

It's usually a mistake when I'm this way. I judge people before I get to know them. Two people who are in my mind that I was really prejudice toward the first couple of times I was around them were my old youth pastors. When I first met them, I wasn't a very happy camper. I was tired of losing Sunday school teachers and then getting new teachers. This brings me back to this question though. When did Matt and Lindsay become more than just Sunday school teachers? I'm still tired of losing youth pastors and people. It stinks. I just wish someone would stay, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Anyways, after getting to know them, I was fine. And hey, I still talked to them all the time. As we all know by now, I go to visit them sometimes. Ok, it only happened twice, but still. But I got really, really close to them by the end of them being with my church. Why did I have to waste so much time being prejudice?

I can think of another example my prejudice ways. Last night at youth group, we were supposed to have guest speakers, but that didn't really happen because no one showed up. On Tuesday night, I got an email from my pastor telling the teens to bring a friend because we had a guest speaker coming to talk to us about making good choices and helping our friends do the same. Our guest speaker is from an organization that has just started this past fall I'll say (hey, they stole part of our half-time show on Friday night, but that's ok, I forgive them). It's called SRSLY. When I got the email, I will admit that I kinda laughed and had to ask, seriously?

I'm a senior. I've been getting the make good choices speech from my band teacher since I was a freshman. He always gives us a speech right before there's a dance. I'm kinda tired of hearing about making good choices. As the gym teacher in Mean Girls says, "Don't have sex. You'll get pregnant and die!"

From what I understand, this organization is more targeted at the adults or parents and their younger kids. They are just trying to make sure their kids don't get involved in drugs and destructive behavior. And I'm sure if they had started this program when I was a freshman, I would have participated, but as a senior, I find it to be a little silly to be telling us how to make good choices.

I didn't want to go to youth group last night, but I had to because of worship rehearsal. Actually I didn't really have to, but I chose to. So on my way, I decided to pray that God give me ears to listen and open my heart.

Youth group got canceled because 1. no one showed up and 2. a lot of people were sick. So there were 3 of us teens there yesterday and our guest speakers. They brought us green jello, which one of my friends was excited about because she loves the color green. We also talked to the speakers about their program/organization and they asked what we thought about it as seniors. I think we both (the two of us seniors that were there) were on the same terms that it seems to be more of a younger age group thing. I learned a few good facts along the way too. But other than that, I figured out that I had been completely wasting my time being prejudice once again. They were really nice people and it seems like a cool program/organization, but I'm not sure I would get involved with it now that I'm a senior.

I have got to leave the judging up to God.

God, please help me to stop being prejudice and help me leave the judging up to You because You're the Big Guy; You're the real Judge. Amen.

LGLG: Let Go, Let God.

Back to the real world

You know one thing I hate about coming home from a good vacation no matter how long it lasts? Coming back to the real world. Coming back to my day to day life.

I think it was on Friday, I was complaining about something youth group related, but then Lindsay told me that since I was there and not at home, I shouldn't be worrying about youth group. Or she said something along those lines. So I didn't complain about youth group. We did talk about youth group especially when I showed her the Twister videos I have. Twister. My youth group's new favorite game. It's so twisted and wrong at times, but hilarious.

Now that I'm back at home though, I feel like I'm starting to get back in the mode of complaining. There hasn't really been anything the last couple of days that I've been particularly upset about having to do with youth group. Why is youth group the only thing I ever complain about anymore? Is there a reason I do this? I have no answers for why I complain about youth group so much. I need an answer to this.

Even though I was gone for only 3-4 days, I have been finding it hard to get back into the mode of ordinary life. It just feels different and I don't know why that is. But for sure, I'm back to the real world.

In a way, because of where I was over the weekend, I almost feel like it was a dream. I guess you could say vacations are dreamy and that's ok, but when you wake up, you're back in the real world; back to your normal routine.

I'm having a hard time getting back into that normal routine. I feel bad for my youth group. I thought I could close my mouth, but apparently I can't this time. Over the summer, it wasn't that difficult not to talk, but I want to tell someone of my adventures over the weekend. I want to tell someone who would understand. Unfortunately, not everyone wants to hear about my adventures.

Saying goodbye is hard to do

So we left for D.C. some time after school on Thursday. I was so excited for school to finally end so we could leave. We were in Ohio when my mom hit something...big. We don't know what it was because she said she didn't see anything, but next thing I know, we're pulling off to the side of the Ohio Turnpike to find that we have a flat tire. We put on the spare, but only a few feet down the road, it shredded. So we called AAA and got a tow truck. That was a cramped ride and to think I had just been praying this wouldn't happen. Just my luck I guess. We stayed the night in Streetsboro, Ohio. Did I mention that the tow truck driver was super nice? Oh and the only thing going through my mind at the time of this situation was James 1:2. I knew that Bible study was there for some reason.

The next morning, we got up, got the car fixed up and were back on the road. Friday the 13th, what else could go wrong? Actually nothing did go wrong and I'm super thankful for that. We got to my Aunt Theresa's huge house around three. I'm not even kidding. Her house is probably triple the size of my church or maybe I'm just exaggerating. And she has a home theater in her basement. The TV is huge! Anyways, my old youth pastors as we all know them as Matt and Lindsay came over for dinner. Honestly, I was expecting it to go way worse than it did because my family can be pretty interesting. My Aunt Theresa tried to convince us to go to D.C. with them, but I have bad memories from over the summer, so I refused. Besides, aren't you supposed to relax on vacations.

I relaxed on Saturday. So you know how Saturday was Valentine's Day? It was also Singles Awareness Day. There is nothing wrong with that though and it actually brings a smile to my face just thinking about it. So relaxing on Saturday means that Lindsay and I just sat on the couch watching TV most of the day. Poor Matt had to go to work. I went to their teen Valentine's Day party on Saturday night, which was really fun. Unfortunately, I think I was having some anxiety over it because I had some bad dreams Friday night about meeting them. I guess it's just my fear of getting ignored or something like that. The party was really fun. And then there was the photo they decided to take of all the teens, which I got dragged into. I'm not even in their youth group though. The excuse I got, was that I was there that night, so I had to. Ok fine then. I see how it is. I feel so unloved. As Lindsay says, no you don't Chelsea. I don't. I just like to say that.

Poor Matt was outnumbered for the first time when there were three of us girls in the house. Well he still had his cat, Wesley. I don't understand how that cat can like him after he punts him across the room. Of course, that's like me dressing up my cats, so nevermind. It was cool hanging out with this other teen. But then I got asked the question I had been dreading. Are you happy they're moving back to Michigan? How do I answer a question like that without upsetting someone? It's hard. I'm split in the middle on that one. Yes, they'll be closer than 8 hours away. No, I know they're not coming back here and that sucks, but we can't afford a youth pastor right now. I feel kinda bad for these kids. They're dealing with a lot of the same feelings I had to deal with when Matt and Lindsay first left my church. It was sad, but I accepted the fact that it was God's call, not mine.

So on Sunday morning, the annoying, punted cat, Wesley woke us all up. He's a little freak of a cat. A little too hyper. He reminds me of my kitten Abby. She's a pain in the butt as well. Why is it everytime I go to their church, there are only a few teens in Sunday school. There were 4 of us. We talked about envy and how Matt is jealous of one of the girls' flip flops because he thought they would make him look hot. Haha. He was kidding of course.

I'm really used to how my church does worship in the morning, so visiting other churches can confuse me. It's just a different look at how other churches do their music. During the first song they did, I will admit I had a head bob going. I'm so used to playing that song in church on my flute and hearing the drums behind me. It was a vow renewal service, which was very interesting. I've never attended one of these before. It reminded me of The Princess Bride for unknown reasons. Wove, twue wove is what bwings us together. We watched part of Fireproof, which after looking it up a few times yesterday, I kinda want to see. After church, there was a reception and then we went out to lunch.

One thing I've forgotten about is how scary of a driver Matt is. He's not as bad as my Aunt Theresa's boyfriend Jim, but it's still scary. But he and Lindsay have been together for a long time kinda and he hasn't killed her yet, so no worries right? Uh huh, sure. I was also freaking out about Lindsay driving on Saturday as well. She promised to get me back to my mom in one piece though. At that, we joked about me coming back with no legs or something. Haha.

So I also showed Lindsay some of the youth group Twister videos. That was entertaining. Compromising situations and positions. Positions sounds so wrong though. So I think we need to call them interesting situations. Oh yeah and we talked about the dead dog in my freezer. One of their teens might remember me for talking about the dead dog I have in my freezer. Not my fault Michigan is so cold that when our dog died last month, we had to freeze him because the ground outside is frozen.

I hate saying goodbye. It sucks. I was not happy to leave. I feel sorry for the people who have to ride with me in the car after leaving from such a great weekend. I just get this attitude with them and I feel bad that I do this, but I can't help it. I don't like leaving. How come it was never hard to say goodbye to them when they were our youth pastors? I think we used to take a lot of things for granted and we still do.

So while in the car, my dad might not have meant to, but he kinda set me off. You have to understand that after such good days, I can get really depressed. He asked for my power cord, but I didn't give him the whole thing, so we kinda yelled at each other and then my Aunt Beth said in just one of those annoying parent-like tones (because she had teenage boys at one point) "teenagers" and that just really upset me. Let's just say it's a good thing I had a runny nose already.

But definitely saying goodbye to such great friends and such a great weekend is hard to do.

Nostalgic anyone?

I get this way sometimes. Actually it usually happens on Saturdays or days when I spend most of the day in my room. Yesterday though was a Monday and I got the feeling of nostalgia. I wanted to look up a few things, so I went through some old blogs and some journals.

As I was reading through my Xanga, I was shocked to see how much I used to swear. I was shocked at how angry I used to be. Also when did Matt and Lindsay go from being just Sunday school teachers to youth pastors? Reading my Xanga made me speechless. I was changing a lot in 2006 yet I still had my difficulties with my language. I can't believe some of things I used to say. I look back at what I used to say and I have to laugh. I used to get upset over the stupidest things. I still have that problem from time to time, but I'm glad I have this site to go back to and laugh at.

I've also been thinking a lot about what I used to write on my Battlecry. In case you didn't know, that's another blog site I used to write on much like Xanga except it's a Christian website. It's just a blog site. I have noticed that while I was writing in both of them, I use different language. In Battlecry, I'm not as harsh, but for unknown reasons I felt like I could let out my anger a lot better on Xanga.

Toy Story | Feb 2 2007 5:07 PM

We all know the movie Toy Story, right? Woody basically gets thrown out of being the favorite toy. This seems to happen a lot as we grow up. We have toys that used to be our favorites and then we got new toys and threw the old toys to the back of our closets. I was thinking about this last night and I don't mean to be comparing youth pastors, pastors, or people in general to toys, but it almost seems as if the same thing happens with youth pastors who move away from your church.

So, you get the news that your youth pastors are being moved by God to go somewhere out of state and you're probably thinking, I'm going to miss them a lot. When they actually move, you really miss them for awhile and they come to visit once in awhile. Life goes on pretty much. And throughout the next couple of years, they quit coming up to visit so often and so you just kinda forget about them. And we don't just do this with youth pastors, we seem to do it with everybody almost.

When after highschool are we going to remember our past friends? I mean the friends that we just stopped hanging out with because we grew throughout high school and just stopped being friends. My friend and I were talking at lunch today about how after high school, we probably won't remember each other. And this person is in my youth group. Are we really going to split after high school?

I know people that used to be my friends, but aren't anymore. We just move on. I don't want to sound mean or anything, but my youth group has gone through about 3 or 4 couples of youth pastors. Each one has visited us, but after awhile, they stopped coming so often and it's just life. And my youth group is kinda going through a time right now when a youth pastor is leaving and I personally don't want to forget about these people, but in a year, I'm sorry to say, I'll probably have forgotten all about them. Okay, maybe a couple of years from now I'll have completely forgotten about them. And then in a couple of years, my youth group will be talking about our youth pastors and the ones that have passed before our current ones and we will remember then.

But do you see how this relates somewhat to old toys? I just thought I'd show this somewhat analogy to all.

I just wanted to add a note too. My aunt commented and reminded me of this thing too. I know I will never forget my aunt even though she has moved on because God was calling her, but I don't forget my aunts and uncles because they are family. And I know that I have a church family too, but sometimes you just forget those that have moved out of your church family.

As you might be able to tell, I wrote this 2 years ago and it has a lot to do with the changes I was about to go through. We were losing youth pastors.

I think I gotta give myself a pat on the back for this. Well not for this blog I had written. I have actually disproved this blog. Here's a comment from my Aunt Ann from another blog I wrote on Battlecry:

Matt and Lindsay will never forget you guys. Let's just work at keeping in touch with them. Maybe that is where we went wrong with the others....we never tried to stay connected. Friendship takes effort!

My Aunt Ann had a good point. Friendship does take effort. After they left, I did my best to keep in touch with them and you know what? It's been worth it. I haven't lost contact and I got to go visit them this past weekend. I still talk to a few of my old, old, old, old Sunday school teachers or youth group leaders occasionally, but not as often as I talk to Matt and Lindsay. Oh this brings me to the text message we got from them in Sunday School a week after saying goodbye to them 2 years ago. It said:

We love you guys; we'll miss you; and we'll never forget you.

Gee, looking at my journal from when I wrote that, I even thought it was bound to happen that they would forget about us. Why so negative? Have they forgotten? No.

Sorry, but I'm feeling very nostalgic. Something to learn about me is that I'm a very memory oriented person. I can remember the most random things. I also like remembering things. I do live in the present just to let you know. Sometimes though when I can't sleep, I think of a good memory and it usually puts me to sleep.

Want to know how nostalgic I get? Sometimes I wish I could get a bunch of elementary school friends together again to play our favorite bridge game: Alligator. Unfortunately, the bridge that we used to play on when we were younger is no longer there. Sometimes I just really long to go back to the good old days. Like when I was a kid in elementary school or when I was a freshman in high school. I actually wouldn't mind going back to being a freshman.

Man, I need a time machine.

A few parables

The last couple of weeks in youth group, we've been studying some parables. I haven't actually enjoyed this very much. I like studying the parables and I really like the parables, but the problem is the arguing and the complaining about the parables.

We have this one girl who has complained about the last two parables we talked about. It's so annoying. And I thought I was bad. She doesn't like them because she thinks they're unfair. Are parables supposed to be fair? They're stories with a life lesson in them. Sometimes they aren't gonna be fair. We need to accept that fact.

Last week we talked about Matthew 20:1-16, The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard. I really didn't have a problem with this one. The lesson we learn is to not be jealous of those that come after us and the reward they get because that reward is the same that we get. The manager in the story promised to pay everyone the same amount, how is that unfair? Why do we expect to get paid more if we worked longer? Somehow I don't usually expect that. Maybe I'm just different. I'm happy with whatever I get paid.

Tonight we studied Luke 15:11-32, The Parable of the Lost Son. I think everyone knows this story. Our pastor said it was easy for us to think of ourselves as the lost son, but I disagree. More often than none, I feel like the older brother. Somehow I feel like these two stories have a connection involving jealousy.

I actually have a few Lost Son real life applications. Sometimes I feel like my little brother is the lost son. I actually hope he is. And when he finally comes home, I hope I'm not like the big brother. I hope to be happy for him. I have another though that isn't so happy. My grandma for whatever reason keeps talking to me about her funeral. She always talks about what songs she wants my cousin Stephanie or my brother to play at the funeral. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for my grandma. She never mentions the idea of me playing at her funeral. She just wants my brother or Stephanie. In a lot of ways, it really hurts me. But then again, I know in most ways, I'm like the older brother. But I'm trying to work on that.

Tonight we did these Valentine heart things that really made no sense at the start. But by the end, our pastor wanted us to write a valentine to God. To be completely honest, this part made me want to cry. And I almost did a few times. I was just thinking about my grandma talking about her funeral and how I was totally being the older brother and how much I need help with it. Needless to say, I didn't write anything down, I just thought about it and tried to keep the tears away. I didn't want to randomly start crying in front of my youth group because they would want to know what's wrong and then I would cry harder. I just didn't want to do that. Thinking about this again makes me want to cry.

Last night, I went to a different Bible study at my neighbor's house for single women. I had a great time. One thing that caught my attention was something one of the ladies' said about my ranting on youth group. God put youth group on my heart. So is there really anything I can do about it? I don't want to just go with the flow. I don't know if you've realized this yet, but I'm different. I like going deep into the Bible. I like studying the parables. Maybe it's just because everyone else has been doing it for way longer? Or maybe I'm just a little different from everyone else. I can't go with the flow. I can't go hide in a shell somewhere. I can't avoid my youth group. But the biggest problem is that I can't do anything to help my youth group and that hurts me a lot.

You know that girl I was telling you about who was complaining about how unfair the parables are? Well I think youth group can be pretty unfair. But as usual, I know I can't get everything I want. I can't give up and I can't quit. So that's exactly what I'm not gonna do. If I can't quit, then why bother try to quit? I'll stick to my prayers.

President's Day Weekend

Ok, so if you haven't heard, I'm going away this weekend. My parents, my Aunt Beth and Uncle Craig, and I are leaving for Washington D.C. tomorrow after I get home from school.

I'm really excited to go. We're going to visit my Aunt Theresa, but also I'm going to stay with my old youth pastors. I'm so excited! I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

I would appreciate any prayers for a safe journey and a fun time.

I so need this vacation!

Another early Valentine's Day

Happy Early Valentine's Day! | Feb 10 2008 9:38 PM

Due to the fact that I won't be on here on Thursday, I want to wish all a Happy Valentine's Day. I also don't have a sweetie that I'm going out with or anything. I don't understand guys really. Yet sometimes I think I'm too much like them, but anyways I don't have a boyfriend. And my friends kinda don't get it. They don't get the idea of me not dating in high school. I say, what's the point anyways? Do you see any guys asking me out? No, so why bother with boyfriends in high school?

I do have one true Valentine though. He would never let me down no matter what. And that Valentine is Jesus. So take that all you boys. I don't need you boys, I have Jesus!

Guys have lately been getting on my nerves. No offense, but most of them are pigs, dogs, and frogs in high school. All they care about is outer beauty. Well what about the rest of us, who don't have that special outer beauty (that all the guys look for), but instead that inner beauty?

I believe as much as everyone tells me this isn't true that I am actually really pretty, I feel I have that inner beauty. What is that inner beauty? I have no idea, but I know I don't have outer beauty. At least the outer beauty guys like to see. All my relatives say I look like my grandma (oh thanks guys, make me feel old) or my mom.

I've heard guys like curves. What girl doesn't have curves? But no I guess it has to be a certain curve. Guys are just annoying. They want too much of the beauty.

But hey, I'm who God made me and if no guy likes that, then tough because Jesus is my Valentine and he's the coolest of all the guys I know.

This is part of a blog I wrote last year. It got me into some trouble as well with my aunt and my parents. That blog really isn't as negative as some might think it is.

I'm actually really happy being single right now. I don't have to deal with a lot of high school relationship crap. Dating in high school is just not worth it. I've heard it a thousand times from my old youth pastor that high school relationships rarely ever work out, so why bother?

As usual though, I do have a valentine even though I'm single. And for all you single people, you also have this same person. This goes for the taken people too, you have the same person as the rest of us. It's Jesus!

Anyways, I just wanted to share that considering I'm not gonna be online much this weekend and even on Saturday. So have a great Valentine's Day whether you're single or taken! And remember Jesus loves you!

One of those good days

Have you ever had one of those days when you're just really happy for no reason. It's Monday. Should I really be happy? Probably not because it's the start of another week of school. But I was really happy after school today. I think it was the chocolate, chocolate chip muffin I had though. It would explain why I was so hyper. I was also just laughing at nothing. So I have decided right now would be the perfect time to do some more what ifs and have you evers.

#414 What if a month after you wrecked your parents' car, you scraped the side of the repaired car against a fence?

• That's just what I call bad luck right there. My parents would probably be upset with me. I don't think I have that bad of luck though.
  

#231 What if you knew when to keep silent and when to speak up?

• That would be pretty amazing because sometimes I speak at the wrong time completely. Most of the time, I think I get when to keep silent and when to speak up though.
  

#353 What if you were asked to describe heaven?

• Are you asking me to describe it right now? I don't think I could do it. Not only does everyone have a different perspective of what heaven is, but I think heaven is indescribable.
  

#432 Have you ever wanted to be a citizen of another country? (What country? Why? What do you think it would be like to be a citizen of that country?)

• I'm not sure about this one. I have wanted to go to other countries, but not become a citizen really. I like living where I am. Looking at other countries and how their government works like with China or North Korea, I'm thankful for where I live.
  

#310 Have you ever driven an ATC? (Where? What did you like or dislike about it? How did you feel?)

• Ok, I may be pretty dumb, but I don't know what ATC means and I'm too lazy to look it up right now. Since I don't know what it is, isn't it pretty obvious that I probably haven't driven one? Now I'm gonna have to go look that up.
  

#88 Have you ever traveled by train? (When? How old were you? Who was with you? Where did you go? What happened?)

• Ah, such fond memories of traveling by train. I traveled on a double decker train when I was in 7th grade with my church's mission team. We were going to Sun Valley Indian School. We only took the train one year out of the 4 years that I've gone just for the experience I think. It was hard to sleep on the train. My fondest memory was of my best friend Becky climbing into the baggage rack above our seats and of course The Claw. To this day I don't really understand The Claw, but I know it was a guy on the train that had a claw for a hand or something and some of the guys on our team referred to him as that.

I hope this helps you get to know me a little better. I also hope you enjoyed reading this and even laughed a couple of times. It's ok to laugh at me. I actually like getting laughed at. I like to know that people are happy. I'm actually laughing at myself right now as I write this. Have a great week and remember to smile because Jesus loves you!

2 Year Mark

Ruth | Feb 11 2007 9:26 PM

What's the book after Deuteronomy? Joshua? That's what I thought. Well, we went to Ruth a week or two early. My aunt has been in town for the past week and today she preached at my church on the book of Ruth. Ruth was a good woman. She stayed with Naomi and pretty much witnessed to Naomi. So, today I'm wondering who is your Ruth? Are you a Ruth? Anyone can be a Ruth; children, pastors, teens, friends, etc. Just as you are a priest, you can be a Ruth if you just try. Good thoughts Aunt Ann.

Guess what? I actually kinda sorta listened in Sunday school today, but I can't really remember anything because I'm about to fall asleep right now. We did get through all of the lessons though that we thought we wouldn't get through. Oh wait, I learned the difference between epistles and letters. Letters are private and epistles are public. Tell me if I have that switched because my mind is all over right now.

Church was busy today. The youth group had "secret missions" most of the time. We were either signing the scrapbook for our youth pastors or plotting the party that we were having after the potluck at church.

So, we basically blindfolded them and sent them on a car ride with one of the guys while we decorated. We had them walk through the church door, which was covered by streamers. Then they took off the blindfolds and the church wasn't decorated extravagantly, but it was decorated with all sorts of streamers. And then we brought out the book. Book, you say? What book could I be talking about? The Bible? No, it wasn't the Bible. Then what could it possibly be? We made them a scrapbook and the cover is pretty funny. We looked at it with them for awhile and then we had ice cream and watched a movie while playing cards kinda sorta. I wasn't exactly. I was talking to one of my youth pastors with my friend. It was fun until the end when they had to leave and we prayed and had a group hug, which reminded me of the saran wrap at the 30-hour famine. It was a pretty good day. There were even some tears shed, but not by me. At least not yet.

I'm a little depressed now, but I know it's all going to be alright and I still have boring history homework. I'm not saying that history is boring exactly, but what we have been learning about is really boring. Personally, I'd rather be doing what we had been doing in Sunday school in history class than what we are doing because you know what? The new testament is pretty interesting. Oh, I kinda remember now too. We did talk about the theories of the book of Revelation. Has the end occurred yet? Are we a new earth? How would you describe a helicopter that you saw in a vision when you didn't know what a helicopter was in your own time period? A locust maybe? May God bless you all.

As you may be able to tell, I wrote 2 years ago. Well it will be 2 years on Wednesday. But close enough because this is the Sunday. I figure I'll write this now since I won't be here next week.

Next Sunday marks 2 years that we've gone without a youth pastor. We were talking about that in Sunday school today actually. I was with the girls and I've realized that I really miss that class. I'm thinking about starting to go back. Our teacher was talking about how she's been teaching the class for around 2 years now. But I said it wouldn't be 2 years until next week. Then our teacher's sister and the pastor's wife, said to just ask me because I know everything that goes on with Matt and Lindsay, our old youth pastors.

I thought that was kinda funny. It's almost as if they think I'm obsessed. Well I'm here to tell you that I'm not obsessed. I remember the days we had with Matt and Lindsay because they were good days when the youth group actually wanted to do stuff. Plus I remember the most random things. While I can't remember what I did in school last week, I can remember what we did at our 30 Hour Famine 2 years ago pretty well. I sorta have short term memory loss though. That's just a little joke though. I haven't really been diagnosed with it...yet. Just kidding.

I'm also pretty good at remembering random dates. Some of my friends find it scary when I remember when their birthdays are. Is there something wrong with that? I didn't know there was.

You know how I said I wasn't gonna be here next week? Well I meant next Sunday. I'm actually going to visit Matt and Lindsay. Not only does next week mark our 2 years without a youth pastor, it's Matt and Lindsay's 2 year mark at their church. It will be a miracle if I do what I did during the summer and not talk about Matt and Lindsay non-stop for two months. No one in my youth group really cares to hear my stories and one guy asked me what my summer highlight was. I mentioned visiting Matt and Lindsay and he said he could tell because I couldn't stop talking about them. Not true. I totally didn't talk about them that much. I mentioned it here and there.

I always seem to get depressed right around now. Well ok, it was more like a few weeks ago when I usually start getting depressed because I remember all the dates when things happened 2 years ago. And I just get sad and start missing people. But this Sunday, I'm really thinking about the last Sunday with the youth pastors. It's just automatic like that with the dates.

And no, I'm not obsessed.

Just shut up!

Wow, that feels good to say. This has been in my mind for a week now. I just haven't gotten around to it because I've been so busy and stressed out. And forgive me if this sounds like a term paper or something. I've been so busy writing my term paper this week.

Last Friday, we had a movie night at my church, but we didn't really watch the movie. Instead, we played games like Twister and Imaginiff. I don't know how the subject turned to this, but at one point, a few of the girls were talking about one of my friends.

Let's just say it wasn't the nicest conversation. Listening in on the conversation, I knew instantly that they were making fun of her. I have said this a hundred times I know, but I don't deal with bullying well. Sure they weren't really bullying, but they were making fun of her. I tried to stand up for my friend, but I don't think they were listening.

We as Christians can be such hypocrites sometimes. God told us to love one another, but are we all doing that? No wonder so many people don't like Christians.

I'm not perfect. I can be a hypocrite sometimes, but I'm trying. I don't like getting involved with making fun of people unless the person knows we're doing it and they are completely ok with it. The problem with us Christians is that we are hypocrites.

People see us and how we're acting. If we don't welcome them, then they aren't gonna think that God is very welcoming.

One thing I want to emphasize is that God is nothing like us people. God is so much more. We as Christians are trying to follow in the footsteps of God, but we'll never be that perfect. The secular world needs to look past us and look for God.

We're supposed to be bringing people to Christ, not turning them away.

Full Worship Mode

This morning I got up and was listening to some music as I do most mornings when I get ready for wherever I'm going or whatever I'm doing. I guess when I got up, I wasn't that happy to be up, but I have to get up around 8 now because I have to be at church by 9 to practice with worship band.

Ok getting up wasn't the worship mode I was in. I got into my full worship mode on the car ride to church listening to my favorite station located out of Spring Arbor University, Home.fm. When I was almost there, In The Light by DC Talk popped on and I just started worshiping. When I got to church, I didn't get out of the car right away because I wanted to hear the end of the song, which is definitely a song that you should check out. The song finally ended and I got out of my car ready to worship. I mentioned to my pastor that I was in full worship mode, which could have been a mistake.

Some things are just better left unsaid. Now why do I say that? Well, everyone in the band seemed to be having a rough morning except for me, so me being in full worship mode, my pastor asked if I would pray for the group.

Now, if you know me personally, you will know that I like to talk. I'm a girl, of course I like to talk. I like to give speeches. I like to embarrass myself on camera. I don't like to pray out loud in front of other people. That's a weakness I have.

I might be using this out of context or maybe not, but I try to go by Matthew 6:6.

When you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matthew 6:6

One of my biggest fears thinking about it now is praying out loud. There are some things where I could care less what people think, but when I say prayers out loud freestyle (as in not prayers like The Lord's Prayer), I feel kinda embarrassed like I'm going to mess it up somehow or not pray for the right thing. I'm just very uncomfortable praying out loud. I've tried praying a couple of times out loud in front of youth group, but it just comes out sounding silly. Of course, in youth group, it was the times where we were joking around and we shouldn't have been.

Prayer is something I take seriously. But I'm still uncomfortable doing out loud. I would rather pray in a dark room than in a crowd of people. I think I need to work on developing a social prayer life.

I say this because we're supposed to have a prayer retreat in March learning how to have a private prayer life. I kinda have one of those already. I think I need to work on expanding my horizons in church. And don't think I'm selfish and only pray about myself. Actually I have a prayer journal and I pray for a multitude of people. I just don't like to let them know that I'm praying for them. I mean sometimes I will mention it, but I don't want to be like the Pharisee who prays about himself and what he does for the wrong reasons. I want to be humble like the tax collector.

How does anyone get good at praying out loud in front of people? How does anyone get good at anything? I guess by practicing. Put yourself in the uncomfortable situation and just do it. I'm gonna have to try that next time.

You know I wasn't actually having that great of a day at paying attention to things especially the sermon, but something caught my attention. We were talking about living we in a me world.

I don't know how this fits really in the sermon, but the pastor at one point told us not to push people away. It woke me up. I haven't been thinking about how upset I am about youth group since probably last week, but this thought woke me up. When I asked why I have so many issues with youth group, the response out of one of my old youth pastors was that I want youth group to be better. Unfortunately, this group is not all about me and I can't get everything I want. Wait, why am I saying unfortunately? I didn't mean it that way. I just meant that unfortunately I can't get everything I want and thus youth group isn't going to get any better most likely.

So what do I do then? Just go with the flow? Just shut out people? Just hide away? Just stop getting involved?

I now realize that I can't push people away. I mean I can, but I shouldn't. I don't think I could push people away even if I wanted to. I guess I'm stuck going with the flow though. I'm not sure what to do about getting involved though.

I not really in the mood right now to get mad about youth group though. Funny how I can talk about going to youth group and how I really enjoy going and stuff, but then just one little thing will set me off. One little negative remark about how the youth group is going down the drain or something and it sets me off. I gotta start thinking more positively.