Why so apathetic?

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you know what my status reads right now. If you don't pay attention to either of those websites or you're just reading this for something to do, then this is what my status currently reads: And crash...I'm back where I was in the summer. Not a happy place to be.

Truly it isn't a happy place to be. It is more like a place of darkness, anger, and sadness. It's not a place I wanted to go back to for a while.

The thing about where I am is that it's not all of me that's there right now. That probably doesn't make any sense to you. Ok I'll try to explain what's going on here.

During the summer, I had issues. Not only was my relationship with God on the rocky side, I was having a horrible time in youth group. I wrote a lot of complaints down in what I call my truth journal. I was not happy. Youth group was going so horribly. Actually, we weren't doing anything, so I guess it wasn't going horribly, it was going apathetically. There was a point in summer when I didn't want to go to church. I literally had to drag myself out of bed to go because I didn't want to be there. I skipped a lot of church during the summer. I was telling a friend who I was going to visit at the end of June, Lindsay, that I wasn't wanting to go to church. She said I had to go to church when I came down to visit them. It's not that I didn't want to go to church, I just didn't want to go to my church. And even after visiting Matt and Lindsay, I didn't want to go to church. I know I was fine that week at their church, but that's kinda because it was their church and not mine. Have you gotten the point yet?

That was a rough season for me of not wanting to go to church. If you know me, I'm practically addicted to church most of the time. I do love going. I was just at a rough point with my friends in youth group. Actually, I don't really think they knew how I was feeling and I did tell one or two, but what was that gonna do? Oh wait, what did that do for me? Well our teacher asked what we wanted to learn about, and this friend knowing how I felt, just looked at me and asked me if I had anything to say. Talk about an uncomfortable situation. That just annoyed me that she would do that. I just said nothing basically.

So the point here is youth group and me did not mix over the summer at all.

So here I sit today, wishing I didn't feel the same way as I did in the summer yet I do. One thing has changed though and that is my relationship with God. It's way stronger than it was in the summer and even last year. As a junior, it kinda started to get rocky and it got worse as the year wore on.

Currently I'm in web design at school. Random for me to go off in this direction I know, but I promise it will tie in. I made this really cool logo on Thursday that I decided to email to myself and a few other friends. One friend I emailed it to is in my youth group and he thought it was really cool. Ok, I forgot to tell you what the logo was. It was a logo for youth group.

But then I got to thinking and out loud to my friend that maybe we should call ourselves something different than what our previous youth pastors called us, but what they called us makes a lot of sense considering where our building is located. Maybe we should have a meeting to discuss this with the rest of the youth group. That's when things got bad. My friend, I know he means well, but he said that the youth group wouldn't buy into any of that. Basically he said they don't care. He told me that he's been trying to do stuff for the youth group's benefit like organizing things, but they don't care and he's pretty much given up on it. He told me that I should just give up too.

You know, I may be a quiter at things like flute lessons (that's the only example I could think of), but I can't let youth group go. I don't know why I can't let it go though. That's one problem I had during the summer. Letting youth group go. I can't. I can't stop caring about it.

The truth is, more like the bitter truth, which I never look forward to hearing is that the youth group I'm in is apathetic. They don't care. They have no interest in youth group. They're like the pirates who don't do anything!

What do I do then? You've heard me before, I'm only a student. I'm not the youth pastor. I'm not even in charge of anything. I'm just a student. What can I do?

I could just give up like everyone else. I could try to do something and probably end up failing, but do I know I'm going to fail it if I try?

I can be pretty careless when it comes to stuff like my physics grade (glad I'm not in that class anymore), but I can't imagine myself just not caring about youth group. Ok, so 4 songs that come to mind or actually played on my mp3 player while I was writing this are:

Carelessness by Fair
Gravity by Shawn McDonald
Apathetic Way To Be by Relient K
Hope by Remedy Drive

You should definitely check them out. The last song, Hope, I was just listening to. It came to me that the reason I probably can't just stop caring about this youth group is that I have hope. I can't give up because of the hopes I have for youth group.

So once again I have to ask, what can I do? One thing I know I can do is pray. If you have any other suggestions, let me know. This is the best thing I can think of doing for right now.

Also to my youth group and anyone who doesn't care or has no interest, why are we so apathetic?

And finally, apathetic may be a way to be, but it's not my way to be.