So the other day, I threw myself into a state of depression not only missing certain people who aren't exactly gone from my life, but they just aren't in the same place as me at the moment. But I just realized something that was said to me back in July, but it didn't hit me as hard back then. This is what I said back on August 8, 2008 in one of my journals:
Chris and I were discussing youth group and how much it will change this year and after next year. I'm still shocked that we're seniors. I asked Chris where he's thinking about going and he said a Bible college in Georgia. And of course Hannah has to go to Olivet Nazarene (she's a PK). Becky's going to Ferris. I'm gonna be stuck with all the younger high school kids.
This conversation got me thinking about what Lindsay (one of my old youth pastors) said a few weeks ago about friends after high school. Actually about people after high school in general. After high school, you're no longer gonna see everyone you used to see in school.
I'm gonna miss Chris and Hannah so much when it comes down to it. I'm gonna miss Becky a lot this year too. I guess we all just need to move on eventually. Problem is that the youth group have been together for like 9 years, so that's a difficult transition.
The other day, my friend Becky was telling me about some of her fun adventures at college doing different things. She kept mentioning all her new friends and in a way, it makes me really jealous. There she is meeting a ton of new people and here I am seeing the same people everyday.
Then I realized that if I go away to college next year to live in a dorm, I'm going to do the same thing. I'm going to make new friends and forget all my other friends. The problem is that I don't want to forget my friends. While I do want to make new friends, I don't want to forget the truest high school friends that I've ever had.
Becky and I, being best friends, have always said that we're going to be our maid of honor in each others wedding, but now I'm not so sure. I'm doubting things I guess. We're all moving on. We're all separating and next year will be the biggest transition when I leave all my fellow church peers to go off to college if I choose to go away instead of community college.
I guess I also have a huge fear of abandonment. I know a lot of my friends won't just up and abandon me, but that fear never leaves me. There's one friend though, that I don't fear will ever leave me though and it's Jesus.
Welcome to reality though. It has hit me hard this time. How about you?
No comments:
Post a Comment