Ever since this past summer, I've been really peeved about youth group. I'm not as peeved about youth group anymore since I enjoy Wednesday nights. I do have a problem with Sunday school though. And by saying what I'm about to say, I'm risking a lot especially if anyone from church is reading this. It's a risk I'm willing to take though.
I know. I know. You hear me complain enough about Sunday school, but this thought is on my mind right now, so why not share it?
First of all you have to understand that we have split classes on Sundays. Somehow it has worked out that we have a bunch of younger boys and not a lot of younger girls. We've had split classes since last year when our youth pastors moved away. Our Sunday ritual goes a little like this: question, word or words of the day, trivia, and a lesson. We hardly ever seem to get to the lesson anymore and that bugs me.
I've gotten to the point of not even talking in the class. My best friend used to say that sometimes when our youth pastor was giving a lesson, she would just stare at the wall the whole time. That's how I feel right now. I can't do that though. I won't allow for that to happen to my mind. If I can't concentrate on the lesson, then I need to be doing something else and that doesn't include doodling like one of my friends does usually during the sermon. Lately I've just been reading a lot in class.
Last week, our teacher asked us what we wanted to learn about next. Most of the girls said they wanted a list of what our teacher wanted to teach us. One of my friends, knowing my predicament, asked me if I had anything to say. That made me so mad. I just stared at her and said nothing. I don't even know why I told her a few months ago when I know that it takes a long time to build up trust, but seconds to tear it down.
I wasn't going to tell my class and teacher how I was feeling. It's not that I don't trust most of them. It's the fact that they wouldn't get it. Because of the type of person I am, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by what I have to say. The majority of the class wants a list from our teacher, but I'm the only one who doesn't; I'm the minority. Also I realize that everyone in that class is at a different level spiritually and while I want to go deeper, the rest of them seem to be fine where they are.
A few times over the summer, I actually switched classes because I was bored in the girls class. I went to the boys class and that was a little awkward being the only girl there especially when we started talking about "knowing" people, which had nothing to do with the lesson. I also went to the adults class. I've decided I can't be in the boys class because it gets weird and awkward. The girls class bores me. The adults just wouldn't be able to handle me. I'm in between. That's what I need. I need an in between class. I'm still teenish and I like to joke around and talk a lot, but I need something more than what the teen girls are talking about. Maybe I need independent study.
So this brings me back to yesterday. Our teacher was sick, so we had a choice. Go with the awkward boys, go with the old adults (no offense), or improv our own lesson. I was just standing there after our pastor told us that and a few girls were talking and I heard my name mentioned. I mean I guess they could have been talking about the town. Haha, Chelsea from Chelsea. But I think they were talking about me. And it wouldn't surprise me one bit if my one friend who knows my problem has told the others. The others asked what I was gonna do and I told them I guess I was going with the girls, so we did an improv lesson that didn't actually work since it was practically a gossip hour. Ooh gossip in church. Yeah not a good thing.
What gets me the most is that I was being talked about and probably not in a good way. I probably shouldn't be assuming things because of geometry and the fact that the pastor's family says the saying goes it makes and ass out of you and me. I was surprised hearing that come out of their mouths.
I guess my point is, if you know I have a problem with something, don't ask me about it in an awkward situation. And don't go talking about it to your friends. That's like a double backstabbing and I hate that feeling. Don't talk about me in bad terms behind my back. That's not cool. It just shoves me deeper into the minority of the group. Sorry, I can't help being different and wanting something more.
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