The Chosen Llama Part Pi

This is for all you science and math nerds or people that know what Pi is. Happy Pi Day! So yesterday in my precalc class, we celebrated Pi Day early. We ate pie and had to do group projects for points. That's just stupid if you ask me, but whatever. My group didn't know what to do, so a little last minute I whipped up something incredibly random. I was not high when I wrote this (well, ok, I'm high on life, not on drugs), but rather really tired, so I guess you could say I was a little slap happy. Then again, this is a little taste of how random I can be if you haven't seen some of my videos. The Chosen Llama Part Pi is actually a rip off of a series my younger brother used to write called The Chosen Duck. Have fun laughing at it and I hope you enjoy it.

This is the complicated and irrational story of Ted the 3-legged llama. Actually to be exact, Ted has Pi legs. Ted didn't always have Pi legs. Ted used to be a normal, fire-spitting llama. well the fire-spitting came from his mother's side. They were all red leprechauns who got angry quite often. They're always after me lucky charms!

This is not only a story about Ted; this is a story about pie. This pie was the most delicious pie in the entire universe. It was every flavor imaginable. It was the Golden Pie and Ted wanted this pie. Unfortunately this pie was locked in a vault a thousand leagues under teh sea somewhere in 2000 B.C. Ted lives in the year 2009. Now you might be asking, how could Ted have found out about a pie so delectable? There was an ad for it on the Teletubbies channel of course.

Ted, the once completely normal, 4-legged, fire-spitting llama is friends with the infamous Chosen Duck. They are both chosen, so how can they not be friends? Anyways, Tom the Chosen Duck decided to give Ted the Chosen Llama, the top secret Archimedes, completely irrational, circular time machine blueprints. What was Tom going to do with a time machine anyways? He was too busy blasting his way through the future fighting off aliens and such.

Ted took one look at the blueprints and was finished in Pi/3 seconds flat. Unfortunately it took Ted 3 days to figure out how to work it. But as soon as he did, he took off on this journey of pie. Upon stepping out of the time machine, Ted knew he was not in Kansas anymore. There were huge monstrous beings everwhere. Ted, those are called dinosaurs. And Ted, I think you forgot to press stop when you got to 2000 B.C. Way to go Ted. Way to go.

Ted got back into the time machine, pressed a few buttons and was off again. The next time Ted stepped out of the time machine, he was in what looked like China. Or maybe it was the future. Maybe it was Japan. No it had to be the future. There were flying cars everywhere. And who else was there? Duh. Tom the Chosen Duck. Way to go Ted. Way to go. You're really not that good at stopping the time machine are you Ted?

Once again back in the time machine, I think he finally pressed the right button because the next time it stopped, he was in 2000 B.C. FINALLY!!!!

Right before stepping out of the time machine, Ted realized that he was somewhere 1000 leagues under the sea. Good thing Ted can breathe underwater. Did I mention his father was a merman? Quite an odd family really.

"Moo?" Asked Ted. Yes Ted, we're really going out there. Oh I forgot to mention that Ted's father was actually a cow fish. But don't ask me how that all works. I'm only the narrator.

"Moo?!" Yes Ted, I told you about the birds and bees already, so just leave the time machine now.

"Moo. Moo. Moo." Ted, we can't have this argument all day. There are people who want to hear the end of this story.

"Moo." I don't care. Get over it.

And we're finally out of the time machine and into a cave. Ted sees a light up ahead. As he gets closer, he realizes there is an opening in the cave. He jumps out of the water like a salmon jumping over a waterfall. He did a perfect flop at that too. What is in this room? Well it's no pie that's for sure. However, the vault was in that cave. Now how to open that vault. Ted, you didn't think to ask Tom the Chosen Duck that question, did you? Wow, smooth move. Think. Think! THINK!!!!

Just then Ted realizes that he is the Chosen Llama. Wow, we're so smart today. Becoming the Chosen Llama was no easy task though. To become a Chosen Animal, you must pass a test of memorization. No, not of the ancient arts. You must memorize more digits of Pi than the record setter Lu Chao. How many did Ted memorize? He got to 3 and figured it was pointless and thus quit. But how did he become the Chosen Llama? Easy. He just used his falme-spitting powers to burn down the temple. Seeing his great fire abilities, the Chosen Masters were so afraid that they gave him the title of the Chosen Llama and the really cool powers that come with being a Chosen Animal. Little did they know, the whole burning of the temple was an accident. He just sneezed and it happened. Whoops! He really only uses the fire to make s'mores when he's hungry.

Ted, as the Chosen Llama, you do realize you have the power to open vaults right?

"Moo!" No Ted, we're not getting into this argument again.

Ted waddled straight up to the vault and using his powers of trigonometry, I mean, wicked awesome mind powers, he opened the vault. There, inside the vault was what he was looking for all this time. The Golden Pie!!!

Ted, are you going to share some that with me?

"Moo." How dare you, Ted?

Just as ted put the whole pie in his mouth, the cave began to tremble. RUN AWAY!!!!!!! Ted galloped out of there and back towards the time machine as fast as possible. Ok, so the water did slow him down a bit. He did get to the time machine in time for the cave to blow up, but unfrotunately a giant magical leopluradon swallowed the time machine whole.

This is a fine mess you've gotten us into Ted.

"Moo!" Well if you had shared your pie, maybe we wouldn't be in this predicament.

Hey wait, this is a magical leopluradon, maybe we can wish ourselves out of here. Ted make a wish.

Ted made a wish. It wasn't the best wish he could have made. He wished for a football. Ted, you're so dumb sometimes. Why didn't you pay more attention in your precalculus class?

Just then Ted got an idea. He pressed a few buttons and whoosh, we were out of there. We landed safely back in the year 2009. Unfortunately, we didn't all come back in one piece. Ted now has Pi legs.

May that be a lesson to you selfish Ted. Next time share the pie.