Ok, unless you've read Heart of Darkness you may not understand this very well. It's another random story I wrote for my group for English class this time. It was a stupid assignment that my teacher had us do on the last couple of days of school last week. My friend Lexi referred to it as being a silly project, so what did I do? I made a silly story. Kurtz is a character from Heart of Darkness who dies, but we were supposed to write about what would happen if he had survived. You should definitely check out Heart of Darkness. It's short, a little complex (as my English teacher says, I don't know what she's talking about though), but a good read. And no, I wasn't high when I wrote this story either. Always high on life, never high on drugs.
Upon arriving at port, the body of Kurtz was carried off to be taken to the morgue. It was discovered shortly before the embalming process that Kurtz was not dead at all, but in a coma. It was a good thing they didn't bury him alive. The horror! The horror! He was taken to the hospital immediately.
While in the hospital, a few of the nurses mixed up his charts with the man who was due to get his legs amputated. unfortunately they didn't realize this until after Kurtz had gone through this leg amputation. he awoke from his coma to find that he had no legs.
"The horror! The horror!" He screamed.
While in the hospital, Kurtz had a few significant visitors. Marlow came to give him the papers back. Kurtz's Intended came in shortly after that. She was dressed in all black and looked as if she had been recently crying. Kurtz later found out that she was mourning the loss of his legs. She was so happy to have him back.
Soon after leaving the hospital, Kurtz and his Intended, Beatrice, decided to tie the knot. For y'all who don't know what that means, they got married. Soon after getting married, they decided they needed some kids to run around the backyard. Well, ok, so that was actually Beatrice's idea, but Kurtz was only letting her live in her dream world. They had nine kids in total. Their names? Don't ask me. I'm only the narrator. There was Sam, Pam, Ram, Bam, Cam, Bram, Tam, Nam, and Roy.
Now to pay for all these kids, Kurtz, the amputee, had to do something. With no legs, he couldn't do mucht ath was useful. He was a journalist for about six years, but then the paper he worked for got tired of his lousy writing. All he liked to write about was the jungle and the people there. After that he decided to go on American Idol for a career in singing.
Kurtz thought maybe being an amputee would help him out on the show. Simon didn't give him a break at all. Simon plugged his ears and loudly told himself to find his happy place as Kurtz sang The Lion sleeps Tonight. How sad, Kurtz didn't even make it through the auditions.
Where did Kurtz go after that? The streets. That's right. He became a beggar on the streets. He just didn't let his wife know about that. She wouldn't have been too happy about that, but it paid the bills, so he kept doing it. He sat on the streets every day for twenty years begging. People did feel sorry for him and that's why he got rich begging on the streets. One day, a black man passed him on the street and he had a sudden flashback. Africa. He had to go back. There was no way around it. He had to find out what happened to his true love.
Without Beatrice knowing, Kurtz started sending letters to his friend, the Russian. He told the Russian of how he longed to go back to the jungle. The Russian dared him to go back. Kurtz decided to go back to Africa. He didn't tell Beatrice this though. The horror! Could you imagine how she would react to such craziness? The horror! No, Kurtz couldn't tell her. He imagined terrible things happening if he did. When did Kurtz go? He left just as his wife, Beatrice, was shoving handfuls of popcorn into her mouth. Popcorn is rather distracting, don't you know?
Little did he know that his youngest, most foolish son, who was also a sophomore at the time, Roy, decided to stowaway on the ship to Africa. I guess he was only looking for an adventure. It was a long, hard trip going back to the heart of darkness, but Kurtz survived and so did his stowaway son, Roy.
Kurtz slowly made his way back to where his real people were with Roy following close behind. He found his people right where he had left them. They were extremely happy to have him back. Now these people were super intelligent. They were smarter than the Europeans and a lot more civilized. They saw Kurtz and couldn't believe what the Europeans had done to his body. Amputating his legs? The horror! These people were among the first to give him a chance at walking again. How? They sacrificed one of their most valiant warriors and used his legs. The healing process didn't take that long. His true love had healing powers to heal him completely. No, it wasn'tf Beatrice. Beatrice was only a temporary love. Kurtz's true love is the soul of the jungle. She healed him and hleped him to learn to walk with this new pair of legs.
One day as they were walking, she led him to her hut, where she had a surprise waiting for him. No, it wasn't a delicious chocolate celebration cake. It was a man. No, it wasn't Roy. Roy was off hiding in the bushes somewhere watching. he made himself a little camp in a tree. Anyways, this man was around twenty years old. he didn't look like many of the other people in the village. The horror! This man, Kurtz realized, must be his son! The horror! He just looked at his true love and she nodded back. He was flabbergasted. How could this happen?
Well when two people really love each other...do I need to go on? No, because we all have learned about the birds and the bees already.
Just as Kurtz and his newest son were getting to know each other, there was a cry in the village. It wasn't one of the warriors, but Kurtz knew that cry. He rushed out of the hut to find his son, Roy held captive. It took a while for Kurtz to explain everything while glaring at Roy the whole time. The natives weren't happy. They were hoping to eat Roy and as much as Kurtz wanted to let them eat Roy, he had restraint and decided to save his son.
Kurtz didn't know what to do with Roy. He told Roy he wasn't going back to civilization and Roy didn't care. Roy, that stupid fool, wanted the adventure he had heard his father talking about all these years. Roy knew he wasn't in Kansas anymore, but that didn't bother him at all. He didn't exactly blend in with the others, but he tried to. Kurtz pretty much ignored Roy after that little incident.
One day though, Roy and Kurtz's other son Piku Piku got into a little scuffle. They had an argument over chickens or something. Kurtz had warned Roy about getting into scuffles with the natives over their chickens, but Roy, being as "wise" as he was, didn't think he had to listen to his father and what did he do? He got into a scuffle with Piku Piku. But it was more than a scuffle. It was actually a real fight. Should I spare you the gory details? Nah, I'll tell you. Roy thought he could handle it, but he was of course wrong. Piku Piku knew the ancient arts of kung fu with spears. Roy only knew how to do the foxtrot. Piku Piku speared Roy in the head, dug into his frontal lobe, and upon pulling the spear out, took a few chunks of brain out with it. Roy didn't scream in pain. After all it was only a flesh wound.
I don't know how it happened, but Piku Piku somehow died that day. Roy really knew that foxtrot. The village didn't celebrate this win however. They were furious. Piku Piku died!!!! How else would they react? Even Kurtz was upset. Kurtz had been crossing his fingers the whole time hoping Piku Piku would kill of Roy. Apparently Piku Piku was the weakest link.
The village decided to kill off Roy. Now you may be wondering how they did this. They sacrificed him. Kurtz convinced them once again not to eat Roy. Instead they threw him into the river while he was sleeping to be eaten by the giant man-eating piranha. After that day, the village lived happily ever after.
There are many lessons in this story. watch your children carefully. If you're going to run away from civilization, make sure your children don't follow your footsteps. Don't leave footsteps for your children to follow. Don't run away from civilization when you have sophomores in the house. But the most important lesson of this story is to never ever mess with the heart of darkness and their chickens.
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