Envy

What color does the word envy remind you of? I think because of the Berenstain Bears, I think of envy as the color green. That's just a random thought for you. I didn't think I would dig into this Sunday school lesson for a while, but it's an ever present subject.

I can be so much like the older brother in the Parable of the Lost Son sometimes. This life application with me has to do with my real little brother. And actually I'm more like the older sister (actually I am the older one).

So here's my problem this time. It doesn't have to do with funerals or my brother coming to Christ (hasn't happened yet, but I'm praying). This has to do with music. My brother and I both participate in music classes at our school. I've been in band since 5th grade playing flute. He also started out in band playing clarinet, but soon quit. He is more into guitars, but this year, he's in choir at my school.

I'm not even kidding, everyone loves my brother. There are kids in my grade who are obsessed with him. They like worship him and think he's the greatest thing ever. I'm the older one and sometimes I feel like I walk in the shadow of my younger brother. I shouldn't, but it's hard not to when everyone always talks about him to me. I don't get it. They should all come to my house and hear how he sings. That's why I don't want to go to any shows because I hear him sing enough at home and it's not that great.

So this weekend, our school is hosting a show choir thing called Showcase. A bunch of show choirs from other schools will be there and stuff. My parents bought me a ticket, but I don't really want to go. I said earlier in the week that I needed to check my schedule (who knows what's going on with youth group anymore).

This is where it's gonna sound really selfish and stupid, but why should I go? He never comes to any of my shows. We play some great music in marching band that he actually listens to, but he won't go to any of the games. Why should I go to his shows? I know, I know. I'm the big sister, I should do the better thing and go to his even if he doesn't go to mine. But I'm kinda hurt by the fact that he doesn't go.

So here's what I'm gonna do:

1. Acknowledge my envy
2. Apologize to God
3. Celebrate others

I'm jealous. There's no other way around it. I know I'm jealous of my brother. He's more popular than me. I envy that fact. But I know I'm not walking in the shadow of my little brother. We're two different people with very different talents.

God, I'm sorry. I need help. Please help me to stop this horrible thing we call envy. It stinks! My brother and I are two very different people, but sometimes I don't think about that. Help me to remember that fact. And Help me to celebrate my brothers talents even when I don't want to. Amen.

This last one is kinda hard. I don't know where to start. I decided I'm not going to my brother's Showcase thing tomorrow night, but I'm still gonna try to celebrate my brother's talents.

I've got one last thing to leave you with. This is a blog I wrote two years ago (wow really? It was that long ago?).

When jealousy bites, bite back | Apr 13 2007 10:49 PM

I mean that literally. It really does. Who hasn't had to deal with jealousy? Come on, be honest. Have you dealt with it? If you won't say, then I will. I have dealt with it on many occasions. It's not something super easy to get rid of either.

Have you ever heard that little voice in your head saying something along the lines like "Why does that girl who isn't good at much get a car that nice?" or "What did he do to deserve that cool thing?" or even "Why does she get to keep that when she didn't even help make it?" Well, I'm not going to lie. I've been dealing with the last one a lot in the past few days.

It's Satan too. Satan wants so bad to make you feel jealous. Sure other people don't mean to make it happen, but when Satan gets into your head, jealousy can occur. At least, jealousy is one of the things that Satan puts into our minds. There's some others like "You're just not good enough to be second chair." or "You really stink at the piano." I've been struggling with the second one a lot with jazz band too. It's not jealousy, but it's meant to get us down. I don't want to feel down. Do you?

Well, if you don't, then you have to bite back. Lately, I've had myself saying out loud, but under my breath "Shut up Satan!", but I think I need to shout or yell it. Don't let Satan get to you. All he gives is lies. Stop him in his tracks. Tell him to shut up and bud out!

I like what I said in the last bit there. Shut up and bud out Satan!