Sorry I haven't written lately. I've been really busy this past week. It was my last week of high school. So I'll do a week in review for ya.
On Monday, a bunch of seniors decided to skip school because they feel that our senior class really got jipped by the icky trimesters. I didn't skip school because I like school and I hate the idea of missing just one day plus I don't want to have to make up anything. I'm the complete opposite of all the seniors in my school in that I actually would like to go for another week of school. So yeah, I was at school on Monday.
Tuesday was normal. I had to write an essay for part of my final in English. Then on Wednesday I had two exams. My bio 2 exam and practical law exam. Both were really easy, so that was nice. Oh and Wednesday night we had the music banquet. It's not as formal as they sometimes make it out to be because it's actually really goofy. All the seniors get really goofy gifts most of the time. I got patriotic hair ties for being late to the Memorial Day parade one year.
Thursday was my last real day of classes because even though we were taking exams, we still had classes. Two of my teachers brought in cupcakes for their classes, which was really nice, but I felt like I was eating all day. After school that day, I felt the need to cry. And when my dad called all excited to ask how I was doing, I actually did start crying. I told him I was feeling overwhelmed and my mom was standing right there and she asked why I was so overwhelmed since I was done and graduating. I just started crying and ran upstairs. She just doesn't get it.
Though I don't expect a lot of people to get it. I'll explain that in a minute.
Yesterday we had graduation rehearsal, which lasted for about 3 hours. Then we had to go to the "mandatory" class party. That meant all we had to do was sign in and then we could leave if we wanted to. I ended up staying for a while and actually ended up helping clean up a little bit at the end. I was among the last to leave around one in the afternoon. So then I went home and just hung around until class night. Class night is a ceremony for the seniors where some get awards. Every senior is invited to come, but not all of them get awards. I got The Judith Lynn Wagner Owens Teachers Scholarship, which was a scholarship my dad made me apply for even though I didn't want to apply for it. Oh for those that don't know next year I'm going to Spring Arbor University to study English Education. Yep, I'm becoming a teacher.
After class night, my parents wanted to go out for ice cream. They wouldn't stop harassing me about graduating. It was really bugging me. Then my stomach started bothering me and I was just so upset by it all that I yelled kinda loudly in the restaurant, which upset my mom a bit.
My mom really just doesn't get it. My dad was pretty clueless too. One person who got me pretty well the other day though was one of my old youth pastor's, Lindsay. She knew exactly how I was feeling and why I was feeling it. She knows how much I hate change and understands that I feel overwhelmed because it feels like everything is ending at once.
I'm so tired of everyone telling me how much I'm going to love college. My mom just keeps telling me that I'm onto something new. Really? That's not helping the pain I feel right now. Everyone is so happy to graduate, but not me. It's tearing me up inside and I can't even explain why. Everyone has felt happy except for me. I haven't cried this much since Matt and Lindsay left us two years ago.
Please don't tell me how much I'm gonna enjoy college. How do you know I'm going to enjoy it? I think you're just taking it out of your own experiences. My dad sure was. He came up and apologized to me last night after that whole ice cream fiasco. He just assumed that I was ready to get out of high school because that's how he was. He was just really excited for me and too blind to see how I was really feeling until last night.
So now that my dad understands finally, there's two people who get it. And actually three because my neighbor tonight was talking to me about it and she actually gets how I'm feeling too.
My dad told me last night that the reason I'm probably feeling this way is because reality has hit me pretty hard this year. At least that's how I'm putting it. No one else has gotten hit in the face by reality yet. When they leave for college maybe it will hit them.
I just wish someone else my age graduating with me would understand how I'm feeling. They all are so happy like I've said. I guess I never thought this day would come. It's not just missing friends, it's my school that I've gone to for four long years, my teachers, my memories, my youth group, my piano lessons, and whole lot of other things.
I guess I shouldn't be so sad about missing high school though because I hope to come back to it someday. I didn't tell you that I'm hoping to become a high school English teacher. I was inspired by my eleventh grade English teacher, who really made our class fun.
And I guess one reason no one else gets me or actually a couple reasons is that I'm different, which is actually a good thing. I love school. A lot of kids say they like going to school because their friends are there. I love going to school to learn. I love learning. I have friends yes, but that's not the real reason for why I like school so much. I love my teachers. I love that these teachers want to better the education of all of us. I love the school environment. I just love school. And I don't care if anyone thinks I'm crazy for loving it. I told you I was different and there's nothing wrong with that. I've got DNA. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.
Tomorrow I graduate from high school and most likely I'll cry again for the fourth day in a row because somewhere while writing this blog, I actually started crying. I'm such an emotional wreck right now and it totally doesn't help when I am told how much I'm gonna love college. I just cry even harder.
Let me be for now, my emotional self missing high school so incredibly much because I can wait for college to come at the end of the summer.
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