So Misunderstood

Well, I got a couple of responses to the blog I wrote on Sunday. I didn't honestly think it would spark so much, but it seems to have lit a fire. I shouldn't assume such things though.

I guess I didn't think many people were reading my blog. Apparently I was wrong.

Of the two responses I've gotten, one of them was an apology and the other seemed to yell at me, but not in a bad way.

You don't need to apologize. I was simply getting out my frustrations of something that I've seen many times before. And I hate when it happens, but it does happen. I'm not really mad anymore. I got my frustrations out and I'm moving on and there's really no need to apologize.

Now the yelling I got kinda confused me. No offense, I guess I just wasn't expecting it. It really surprised me. It wasn't really yelling either, but it just wasn't something I was expecting. I don't doubt it. I know God is using me and no one can change that fact.

That's a problem with writing online sometimes. Sometimes people take what I write wrong and it just messes things up. The first one, the apology, is an example of that. It's much like a blog I wrote in February:

Happy Early Valentine's Day! | Feb 10 2008 9:38 PM

Due to the fact that I won't be on here on Thursday, I want to wish all a Happy Valentine's Day. I also don't have a sweetie that I'm going out with or anything. I don't understand guys really. Yet sometimes I think I'm too much like them, but anyways I don't have a boyfriend. And my friends kinda don't get it. They don't get the idea of me not dating in high school. I say, what's the point anyways? Do you see any guys asking me out? No, so why bother with boyfriends in high school?

I do have one true Valentine though. He would never let me down no matter what. And that Valentine is Jesus. So take that all you boys. I don't need you boys, I have Jesus!

Guys have lately been getting on my nerves. No offense, but most of them are pigs, dogs, and frogs in high school. All they care about is outer beauty. Well what about the rest of us, who don't have that special outer beauty (that all the guys look for), but instead that inner beauty?

I believe as much as everyone tells me this isn't true that I am actually really pretty, I feel I have that inner beauty. What is that inner beauty? I have no idea, but I know I don't have outer beauty. At least the outer beauty guys like to see. All my relatives say I look like my grandma (oh thanks guys, make me feel old) or my mom.

I've heard guys like curves. What girl doesn't have curves? But no I guess it has to be a certain curve. Guys are just annoying. They want too much of the beauty.

But hey, I'm who God made me and if no guy likes that, then tough because Jesus is my Valentine and he's the coolest of all the guys I know.

Next subject of my soapbox opera. Lol. No. Anyways. Raise your hand if you feel like you have no one to talk to in school. Do you have so called friends that don't talk to you? I am one of the ignored. I don't know what it is, but I get ignored at school. My locker buddies talk to me and stuff, but friends I thought I had don't really want to talk to me about anything during school. I have no clue what I did. They just don't talk and I even strike up a conversation with them all too.

It seems also that my youth group ignores me at school. Well scratch that, I have one or two that talk to me, but the feeling I get at school is a dreading type. I come from a kinda hard past. I was bullied a lot when I was 11. I didn't really go to friends houses much because I didn't want to. I've always no matter what it is, what class especially gym, I'm always the one who has had to go with a different group because they didn't have enough room for me. Yeah, that part is harsh. I'm not trying to be selfish with my youth group, but is it gonna kill anyone to go talk to the kid sitting alone? I'm not saying I sit alone because I don't, but what about the kids that do sit alone?

Is that how you wanna be remembered? As the person who always sat with your own group or worked with your close bunch of friends and didn't let your one "friend" join in. Is that what you want? Because we, the ignored, carry this pain and we hate it. But we're forgiving people, so we'll just forget it ever happened and go on with life hoping the friends we make tomorrow won't be so cruel.

I got a good talking to about this one. A lot of people had a field day with this. You know who you are, but I'm not getting you in trouble. It's no big deal. I'm over it and don't think you're in trouble this time because you're not. This is my reply to the people who had the field day with this blog:

Gabbing | Feb 17 2008 10:37 PM

I got some good comments and some bad comments about last Sunday's post about Valentine's Day. No, I will not delete the blog because I was talking about Jesus anyways. I was not down, so don't even assume that I was upset. What upsets me right now, is the fact that people gab, gab, gab.

What is gabbing? It's gossip. And we know what gossip can do right? You may have read in some of older blogs that I don't trust easily. Hm, perhaps it has something to do with gossip. I don't know why I don't trust easily, but I'm starting to lose even more trust in people. You know something's wrong when I can only trust people who don't live in really close contact with me much.

Did I really sound down last week? Oh no, I'm not beautiful at all. I hate my life. It totally sucks. I'm gonna go get high to make myself feel better. Or maybe I'll go cut. Or maybe I'll drink or do some other drugs. Or maybe I'll starve myself. I'm so depressed. (By the way, don't think in any way that I am making fun of anyone because I'm not. I know real people do struggle with these problems. I'm just trying to get a point across.)

Okay, anyone who knows me, knows I'm not like that or should know it. I didn't say I wasn't beautiful. What I meant by what I had said was that guys can't see my beauty because they must be blind or something. I have this special inner beauty, which last night I was reading and I found a verse that goes perfectly well with my idea of inner beauty. I don't even need the outer beauty.

Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3:4

No, I'm not depressed. I'm a little upset that my mom had a talk with me about being beautiful though. I'm not depressed. I'm not gonna get high except on life. I'm not gonna go cut. I'm not gonna drink or do drugs. I'm not gonna even starve myself. Why? Because I'm not the kind of person to get myself into that stuff.

Some of my family seem to fear that I'm gonna do a lot of stupid things, so they try to protect me like writing about beauty on my personal blog and how I don't really have the outer beauty. Tough luck, I ain't deleting the blog. I don't know any guys personally who read my blog anymore, so what if they think I have low confidence or low self-esteem? I don't care.

I don't want the protection of doing stupid things. Sure I want protection from nerve-racking things that I don't enjoy doing, but guys let's be serious, do you really think I'm gonna get into all the stuff I mentioned above? Adults I sometimes wonder if they really know what's best for us. I just wonder why they won't let us make our own mistakes because sometimes we need to make our own mistakes. We're teenagers, our lives are built on the mistakes we make.

Guess what? I'm not like my mom or any of my aunts when they were teenagers. Do you see me getting thinner? Do you see me drinking? Do you see me smoking? Am I taking drugs?

The answer is no. Why? Once again, I'm not the kind of person they all were or were not. I think I'm rising above and beyond. I'm not gonna give in and this might be misunderstood in so many ways, but someone told me recently that because I was and am being exposed to Jesus at such an age and especially when I was younger, I don't have the same values as the generation before me had. I'm in a new generation.

I'm a girl. Everyone should know that by now. I have certain emotions on certain days and those emotions can be good or bad. Last week, I was having a tough time dealing with some boys from my youth group. I'm glad to know I have friends though that care enough to get my emotions under control or morely to tell me it's not worth getting upset about. You know who you are.

Yo generations before me! I'll say this as nicely as I can. Stop your gabbing crazy gossip!!! Us of the new generation struggle as much as you do, but it's not helping us any to get over our problems with it. Be the change you want to see in the world.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Don't worry about where I go and what I do. Don't worry about the blogs I write on or the sites I visit. You shouldn't be worrying about me or anyone period. It takes up too much time. Why not let God take care of me? He is the one who is in control of my life, so don't push or pull me because I'm following a path that God has chosen for me.

So I reread this today and I was in awe. I couldn't believe that I wrote that. It was sweet! I especially love the comment I made about how teenagers lives are built on the mistakes we make. I don't know if I got that from a book or what, but I was so amazed by all this. It's cool.

So remember 1 Timothy 4:12. I'm not gonna forget that verse. Just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't have good insights. God is using all of us no matter who we are or how old we are.